Roll Call? Who are you within the adoption "triad"?

magic pointe shoes

I am a mother who relinquished my son 12 years ago.

LaurieDB

Relinquished at 13 months old. Adopted at 2 years old in 1966.

Torrejon

adoptee

Dayle

I am a mom of six, 37, 36, 21,19, 17 and 3.
My younger three children, were adopted through foster care.

snowwillow20

I am a birthmother. I gave my daughter up in 1972, we were told she would be adopted immediately, she was not. She wore braces on her legs for several months and then was adopted. I married her father in 1973 (she was 18 months). We have been married 35 years. I have one son who is 30. He was 23 before he knew he had a sister.
Adoption, pretty much scarred me for life. I have never gotten over it. We have been in reunion since 2001. The hardest question she asked me was "why did you keep my brother and not me" She has a good amom. She too has been scarred by adoption.

cruzgirlz3

Adopted at birth. I was raised by a great family and have never viewed my adoption as a bad thing just my reality. I recently decided to search for my nfamily. It took me four decades to learn that finding answers was not a betrayal to the family who raised me. My daughters are helping me with this journey as they too want to know their heritage. At 43 I'm finally examining how this thing called "adoption" has impacted me.

Mother of three girls 15, 14, 12. Currently have custody my niece and nephew (14 yr old girl and 7 year boy), and are unsure if they will ever be reunited with their father. My nephew is also an adoptee.

Former social worker in NICU, maternal child health, and youth counseling. Recently left the profession and am getting my teaching credential.

Heather Leigh

I am an adoptive mother to a 14 year old boy. I also have two older biological boys that are 19 & 16. (Way too much testosterone (SP) in my home!)

My son first came to live with as a foster child when he was 5. It was supposed to be a temporary relative placement. He is my ex-husbands relative so he is related to my other two children. He was with us for a year and then went to live with his Grandparents (on dad's side). They were unable to care fobecauseecause they also had guardianship of another grandchild that had special needs. He was then placed in another foster home. When I found this out, I contacted the agency and requested that he be placed back in my home. I was actually upset that this was not done in the first place. So, when he was 8 he came back too live with us. By this time, he they were looking for an adoptive family for him. So we decided that he was stuck with us! :)

It hasn't been all rainbows and puppies. He had a hard time adjusting. We found out that he was abused both by his Grandmother and again in his other foster home. This is why I have been advocating to bring CASA back to our area. Too many children in foster care have no one to look out for them. Caseworkers are too busy and too many foster parents are in it for the wrong reasons. These children need someone on their side!

My son also has regular contact with his family on his bio dad's side of the family. He recently spent two weeks with an Uncle. It was great and we plan onm doing it again soon.

I was also almost a first mother. I experienced first hand how some adoption social workers try to wear a mother down. I was 18, just had a c-section, majorly depressed and drugged and had three social workers trying to pressure me into signing over my son. Thankfully, my Mom came in and threw them out of my room and told the hospital that they were not allowed back in my room.

Andraya

I am an adoptee, in reunion with my first family for almost 10 years now. I am also a first mother who was forced to relinquish my custodial rights when my son was 3.

MamaKate

I AM:

An "almost adoptee".

A foster (to many) and adoptive (to a Vietnamese brother adopted from foster care) sister.

First/Original/Blood/Other/Ohana Mama to two (a boy & a girl). Voluntary Relinquishment, one boy (age 12) one girl (age 10) to infertile "friends" in an "open" adoption which was closed by the APs after finalization of the second adoption. I honestly believed I was helping "create a family" for people I cared about who could not provide themselves with children.

Mother of two amazing elementary school boys who are fully aware of their siblings adoptions. They are full blood to their sister. I have been married to their father for 11 years and am in regular and friendly contact with my ex, who is my oldest's father.

Former GAL (Guardian ad Litem/Court Appointed Child Advocate or "voice of the child") for five + years and active volunteer in several family/child service organizations at present.

Friend and/or "Ohana" to several Adoptees, FPs, APs, SWs and various other people associated or connected to adoption.

Morgaine

Former PAP (meaning, we were planning on adopting and have since decided against it).

Hopefully we will be foster parents in the future.

Mei-Ling

Hm. I keep putting down "who" I am in my Source box, but I guess this question is asking for more specific information.

I am a Taiwanese adoptee. My mom and dad kept all my adoption files, so I was able to contact my Taiwan parents. They do not speak English, so I'm currently learning Mandarin to communicate with them. About 90% of the time they are unable to understand me because of my Canadian accent, but I keep trying anyway. I can write to them, but my Mandarin writing skills and grammar comprehension is extremely limited and "rigid" so it's difficult.

I have been in online contact with them for about 2 years. My sister was born as a result of my adoption because my mother could not keep me.

I'm very happy I have a sister but at the same time I resent her for what she has. It's really a mixed boat of emotions; sometimes I'm really excited to chat with her, other times I feel so disconnected from knowing "who" she really is, and still other times I wish I had never found out about her existence. It varies depending on my mood and the day.

I describe my experiences at http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/

Sofiakat

I am an adoptive mom. We adopted a sibling group thru foster care in Ontario Canada. My son and daughter have been with us two years, and are now 4 and 5 years old. My son has Reactive Attachment Disorder and my daughter tested positive at birth for drugs. We send packages of pics and updates to their mother quarterly.

Not Adopted

Mother whose baby was lost to adoption 20+ years ago.

Felicita1

I am a mother whose child was stolen by coercion for adoption over 20 years ago in an unethical system in a country where babies were taken from unwed mothers right at birth and moms not allowed to see or hold them -- our only crime being unwed, young, and without support.

We have reunited and I adopted him back -- thus proving that adoptive families are not universally "forever families" despite the agency advertising. I am against reproductive exploitation, human rights abuses, coercion, fraud and violence in adoption -- all of which are used against vulnerable mothers in order to get them to surrender their babies for adoption.

I am not against adoption from foster care if it is done correctly but i prefer permanent legal guardianship as an alternative as this does not involve falsifying birth records, changing names, and erasing all legal filiation (who is related to whom) with the original family. Unfortunately, permanent legal guardianship (which includes full custody rights) is not available in many places and nor is it funded as it should be.

Peaness

I am a Korean Adoptee, living in the US.

BOTZ

I am a reunited adoptee with GREAT natural parents and GREAT adoptive parents. I have a stable, healthy relationship with all of them.

I am a sister to two other adopted siblings (one also reunited, one not but wishing she was) and one born-to-our-parents sibling. I am a sister to one first father.

I am a best friend to one person adopted at age 5 and her 6 siblings, adopted in infancy. I am a cousin to 5 adopted cousins (8, including us) and 22 non-adopted cousins. I am a best friend to 2 first mothers, a friend to many first mothers. I am a cousin to one first mother and one first father.

My natural parents were never married to one another. Each of them is married to a wonderful person. I have a relationship with all of my "first-step-parents" (for lack of a better term), too.

I have relationships with all living members of my natural mother's family (MY family -- on my mother's side).

I do not have any relationship with any of my natural father's family except those who entered his life after I re-entered it (i.e. his current wife and my baby half-sister, who is 4 months old). It's weird to be in my mid 30s and have a 4-month-old sister. My 'step-mother' is five years older than I am. :-)

Freckle Face, I love your questions. I learn so much by reading the answers to these queries that I never would have thought to ask. You are an inspiration to me!

a healing adoptee

i'm an adoptee!

HappyMom

I am a mother-to-be and I am hoping to find a loving home for my unborn baby. I know a lot of ppl will think I am being selfish or narrow-minded but I strongly believe that I am in no position to take care of this baby and give him/her the life he/she desrves. so I agree with the others,no nasty replies pls.

IDK!!

I am an adoptive mom, I lost a sister and would be step brother to adoption. Sister-in-law to someone lied to about her adoption. I have many friends who are adopted, some who were lied to and some who weren't.

And hopefully if my husband gets this job, I'll be a future foster parent.

mia's mum

hi, I'm kinda new here too. I'm on the other side, i gave a beautiful baby girl up for adoption at birth as i was in no state to care for her at the time. i know that the parents who have her now are 100% in love with her and i know that ive helped someone fulfill their dream of having a child. i also have family members who have adopted so i think i have a valuble point of view from both sides. ppl on this site tend to really rip it up you when you've given a child up, so no nasty comments please. a simple thumbs down will get your point accross.

bubba

adoptee here

Mom to Foster Children

I am a Foster mother who is trying to adopt the little one that we have had for more than 2 years!

We go back to court next month - all say prayers that this little one will finally have some permanency!

Just a Mom

I feel like I should do a little cheer like on "Bring It On".

"My name is Lindsey (clap, clap), I adopted 5 siblings (clap, clap), and now I am (clap) a guardian (clap) to their 2 youngest siblings! (whooping and hollering)"

Oh well, it worked in my head.

aloha.girl59

I adopted my son from foster care when he was 2-1/2. That was five years ago.

PS - Heather, you spelled 'testosterone' correctly! ;) Get a female dog. That'll help balance out the estrogen and testosterone in your house.

5littlemonkeys

I am a second mom to 5. The oldest is my step daughter. We adopted the middle three(girl age4,b2,&g1) through foster care. They all have the same fmom. The youngest is 3months old. He is my sons brother. We are fostering him while his parents are incarcerated and work their case plan.
My husban's mom is a first mom. She placed her first two children 40+ years ago. They are now all in reunion.
I have many other family members that were adopted and that were foster parents.

Sophie

I'm a single adoptive Mom. I have one son who was born in Guatemala. I brought him home at 7 months old and he is now almost 4 years old!

Founder of a Parents with Guatemalan Children Adoption Support Group (3 years and running, over 150 members).

My Dad, his brother and sister were adopted domestically and I have a cousin who was adopted from Russia.

I will probably never know my Dad's natural family.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

I am not part of the triad, however, I am a mother and a daughter. I have never claimed to know how any member of the triad feels, but adoption, for the most part, breaks my heart. I can not imagine feeling like I had no other option but to give my son away and I want to stop that however I can

ETA: I just want everyone to know that there are so many AP and PAP on here that truely "Get It" and I absoultely respect them. Freckle Face, you are one of them, and there aremany others

Jennifer L

Mother of three (15, 12, 7). My youngest two are biological siblings adopted from Liberia a little over two years ago.

I was also a teen mother (for my oldest) so I have some perspective when it comes to crisis pregnancies. Married just as young to my oldest's father and we've been married 14 years. Developed secondary infertility, unknown cause (all the more puzzling because we have a biological child) and later chose to adopt.

I've been a Mother Mentor volunteer, also.

Randy B

I was adopted myself as an infant and have had, what I consider to be, a wonderful life with my family. I've had no inclination at all to try to find my biological parents and I don't have either any hostility towards them or a sense of "loss".

I'm the father of one daughter who was adopted "internationally" when my wife and I were living temporarily in India do to work commitments. She came to us at 8 months old and is now a thriving 15 year old.

I'm also the father of one biological daughter who is now 13 and also doing wonderfully.

Lastly but certainly not least I am also the father of one daughter who is now 6 months old and was adopted by us at 4 months old after being place with us through a foster to adopt program at 4 days old. She's north American indian so I guess that makes us all part of a truly multi racial family.

Suzy Sunshine

I was adopted and we adopted a child from South Korea. I also do occasional respite care. Adoption was our first choice as parents.

audrey j

I am an adoptive mom. We have 4 kids total. One boy and girl that were adopted and 2 birth girls. We fostered them for 4 years before we were able to adopt. They were my niece and nephew to begin with.

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