SO... What in your mind constitutes an "Open" adoption?

Freckle Face

As an adoptive mom "open" means whatever the birthmother needs.

No she is not being raised with the openess we had hoped for.

After writing back and forth for two years I suggested that our birthmother and I meet in a park so she could see her daughter. Then she moved to the otherside of the country without leaving me with an address or anything. I assumed i had pushed her too far. After searching for 4 years i found her. I would just send little notes saying hi. When she did respond she said she thought it was best for her daughter if she stayed away. I told her the best thing for her and her daughter imo was for her to have a relationship with her daughter. I told her it must be very hard on her and i would not pressure her and i would respect her decision. After two more years she decided she did want a relationship with her child. I was so happy! I do see the pain our birthmother is in and it does break my heart. My daughter is still young so i don't really see the pain there but i do expect it. I know its a loss. So i will do everything in my power to keep them connected. I love my daughter with all my heart and I want to raise a happy healthy child that is why i support open adoptions.

I did have one stipulation. That if she was going to be involved in her life to please be consistant. I didn't want her daughter to get attached and then she disappears again. I wouldn't be strong enough to enforce it though. I would just hunt her down again. (Poor woman she can't get away from me. a little sarcastic humor there) I think we want a much more open adoption than she does. I try to keep my distance. Right now she and her daughter email back and forth without me involved. I like that. It is their relationship and i should have no part of it. i know our birthmother well enough that i know she would never say or do anything to hurt our child. Our daughter has to know that i trust her to make her own decisions regarding her birthfamily and i support her with all my heart.

I do have all her original documents and they are available for her to look at anytime she wants to.

I hope i answered all your questions. I do realize every adoption is different but this is what works for us.

Wundt

I have family who has an open adoption. They see the birth mother a couple of times a year and everything is very open and honest. The birth mother was a single, young woman who made the decision to adopt, it works very well.

In our case, it is a foster adoption. The birth mother and father both have a long history of drug use, jail time, and violence. We have agreed to keep some contact with the birth mother, in terms of letters and photos, but no physical contact until the boys are older, and if they so choose. We have the original CPS files for when that days arrives.

Everything depends on the situation.

Andraya

My son's adoption was suppose to be open. It isn't, at all.

I was under the impression that I would get yearly school pictures and a letter. I also thought there would be a possibility of seeing him when he was older. He is 13 now, got nothing.

I have my copies of the court ordered relinquishment. I tried to get copies of the temporary guardianship order because I can't find my copy... stupid to loose it... I am not allowed to get copies. Apparently when my son was adopted I lost the right to my own information regarding him.

Cam

I consider my daughter's adoption to be very open. We've always exchanged letters, pictures and phone calls. The birth mom lives in my hometown several states away and we visit quite often. She has also been to our home. We have all original documents.

BPD Wife

We have a very unique situation. Our son's bio-parents decided that they did not want to continue with any openness. We have not heard from them at all since the day they left the courthouse. They asked us if they could write our son letters explaining why they chose adoption and we told them that we would love for them to do that. The letters never came.

That being said, we do have a very open relationship with our sons bio-grandparents. They travel over 3 hours once a month to visit with us; we spend a week with them in the summer at their home; they attend all of our family functions; we talk on the phone weekly; and they are just as involved in my son's life as my own parents are. We have been blessed to have them in our lives.

Sadly, we do not have many of the original documents, but the bio-grandparents had tried to obtain it for us in the beginning. However, due to the situation, they feel that much of our son's original documentation was "sold" in an attempt for fraud or identity theft. I wish that we did have the information for our son but unfortunately it was not available for him. We hope our son understands that we all tried.

Thank you for asking this question.

mscrawdad

My children were adopted over 20 years ago and open adoption was rare back then. Even if it wasn't, there was a court protection order keeping the birth parents from having any info on the children. Yes, I kept everything and when they were old enough to ask me about it and did, I told them on their 18th birthday I would give them everything I had, but that I couldn't until then because there was a court order in place.

My brother adopted a child a few years ago and they have an open adoption. The child naturally wants to continue to see his birth mother, but she doesn't want to see him. My brother and his wife always allow him to call her and ask her if he can visit and most of the time she says no. My brother hates it because the child is so hurt after every phone call he is considering stopping them. I told him not to or he would become the bad guy instead of her and the child would feel they weren't keeping their word to him that they would always allow him access to his birth mother. The older the child gets the less often he calls her.

Kimberly

Hi! First off I start by saying I Am not Adopted nor do I have an adopted child.. But If you adoption was supposed to be open maybe you should try contacting the family.. I know if Someone had a child that they cared enough about to give up for adoption and they thought enough of me and my husband to know that we would love and provide for there child and love him as are own blood ... I would be open with that person Pictures, Phone calls, Letters visit whatever.. Good Luck

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