Selfless or selfish?

Ghost Writer Rides Again

I knew one person who literally "got rid of" her three year old son because he was no longer the cute little baby who got her lots of attention, and suddenly she had to get off her butt and keep him out of trouble. THAT is a selfish reason. I find it particularly painful, because she simply told him "I'm not your mommy anymore. Go find a new one". She dumped him off at the dept of social and health services. This was the youngest sister of my best friend. We haven't seen her or the child in five years. Chances are she is out partying somewhere. Family has been trying to locate the boy, but they are starting to lose hope. The sister refused to tell anyone what became of him.

Now, if the women tries really really hard and just cannot do it, and wants to make sure the child gets taken care of, i can say that is a selfless decision. But its one thing to actually try and another to simply enjoy the attention a cute baby gets you, then get annoyed once it actually becomes work.

Robin

It's difficult to answer without more information about the story you read.

I will say that I believe in most cases, giving up a child is an act of fear & desperation. It is neither an act of selflessness or selfishness.

But rather a choice made when mom feels she has no other choice; whether because of financial difficulties, or the fear of domestic violence, or b/c she believes (as she's may have been told) that she's not capable of being a good mother to her child. A woman has to give up on herself before she can relinquish her child.

I was a teen mom. Married my daughter's dad. We tried to "do the right thing". When we divorced, my mom pushed me to give my (then 1 year old) daughter up. I refused. I didn't want my child growing up not knowing why her mother "gave her up". I didn't want to wonder where she was, & where my own natural mom was, too. Was I selfish for keeping her? As selfish as any parent is, I suppose.

I also worked hard, worked 2 jobs, worked P/T & went back to college F/T so that I would be able to provide a decent life for us eventually. And we made it.

Maybe love is both - selfish and selfless...

ETA: In the eyes of that 18 month old, though, she's loosing her mommy. There is no explanation. And while she may not have a conscience memory of it, she will most certainly have the emotional memory of it. I know. I was taken from my mom at 18 months because she didn't make enough money. (no welfare back then)

Adopted Jane

This question has too many angles to be able to answer it

Personally giving a child up after the child has bonded with the mother for 18 mths imo is selfish, get some help (I know its not about you - but for the person involved)

But if the woman is a abuser in any form then it wouldnt be selfish but I doubt that a woman like that would give their child up for their (as in the childs) betterment ...

So yeah Selfish

Cam

Depends on the situation.

kater333

I guess it would depend on the situation.. I could never do it.. but I can't judge someone else especially without all the details.

Army Wife w/ Two Kiddos

The only reason why I would not is that the baby has been attached to the mom. It would be sad to take the baby away from that comfort. I do not know the whole story, but that is what I thought of right away.

â™¥sunshine on a cloudy dayâ™¥

well age can be a factor. if it is a casein that, then selfless, but if it's cuz someone can't change their nasty lifestyle, sooo selfish.!!

cruzgirlz3

If the harm of keeping the child would be greater than the pain the child might experience by relinquishing than this is a WISE choice. And the parents are the only ones who can truly weigh these issues. They are the only ones who know what goes on behind closed doors.

Selfish or selfless? Only the mother knows what her true motivations are and, if a child's safety or health is at risk, it really doesn't matter.

BPD Wife

It really is dependent on the situation. Without the full store, or at least more details, I won't attempt to answer. It is unfair to pass judgment on another person without walking in their shoes.

Ista

It's possible she had some sort of disorder and was unable to provide for her child. If that's the case, it's the hardest decision she ever made. I bet no one around her could see how her heart was breaking, much less that it breaks still. She'll never be whole, the child will probably never understand, neither will her family. What comfort is knowing that the hardest thing you've ever done was also the best? Very little.

To give up your child, isn't a decision that's made lightly, and it's almost always made with the child's well being in mind.

howell

Hard one to answer. Baby is bonded but may not have lasting memories (infantile amnesia) of the mother. Maybe if parent is on drugs or dying or something. I personally could not give up a child. Heck I can't even give up a stray cat or dog when they show up. Thank the lord my bf doesn't let me keep them all. lol

Noah's Mommy

Selfless or Selfish, that mom didn't want to take care of her child anymore and that baby is going to be placed in a home where it is going to be loved unconditionally.
Maybe mommy had a drug or a financial problem
Teenage mom that thought she would give motherhood a try and realizes she can't do it anymore.
Maybe she has mental problems. Depressed, bipolar, schizo...etc....

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