She wants to consider adoption?

Cup of sherry

Considering something does not mean you are going to do it. It never hurts to look at all of your options even if you know you want to keep the baby. Your girl friend sounds overwhelmed, just give her the support she needs right now

tish_part deux

seriously people? many on this board are constantly bashing young fathers for not giving a damn; hence adoption is needed. now this young man is willing to do the right thing, and he's being met with condescending attitudes about how another man is better to raise his child!

to the poster: you have ever right to fight for your baby. she can NOT place this child for adoption without your consent. you have asked to marry her, you have been a father to your other child. and you have the RIGHT to demand to raise this child.

whatever you do, please do not allow any adoption lawyer or 'counselor' to bait you into signing papers out of fear that you will go to jail for not paying child support. get yourself on the putative father's registry in the state you are in. many on this sight can give you the national link.

although "alicia's" approach was a tad bit abrasive, i have to agree with a lot of what she wrote. i will not bash you about birth control (because it's pointless) but, about 2/3 of all pregnancies in the US are unintended. so that means that many people (like you and your partner) are placed in the position to parent, before they thought they would. most do rise to the occasion; and become great parents. you both need to plan for your life with the new child, before you start thinking about giving your child away.

also, just because you are young and might not have as much money as some dude in the suburbs, DOESN'T MEAN you are a worse father. as a matter of fact, many of my colleagues live in the suburbs, and play the "good dad" role. until the door closes. there is just as much abuse, alcoholism and divorce among "the better family" as those who are younger.

i wouldn't let half of those clowns raise my dog.

don't buy the crap, and fight for your child.

Pip

Please don't tske this the wrong way but your girlfriend's hormones are all over the place so try not to take everything she says to heart.

I agree that you both need to sit down and talk to each other. Other young couples like yourselves cope so you two can and the fact you've been together for 5 years shows you're committed. You do have rights as the father but just be as supportive as you can and keep talking. Adoption isn't the best option so this is where you need to sit down and talk as you both deserve to be happy and to raise both children.

kitta

Yes, after 5 years and a child it is time to be a family. Children need stability from their parents. Babies are not for giving away to other people.

Keep the second baby. Get married and take care of your kids. You sound like a grown-up and I hope both of you can make it work.

ETA: young father, I strongly recommend that you see a parents' rights or family law attorney who will advise you about your rights as a parent. Your girlfriend might get caught up in adoption scam. If she gets involved with an adoption agency she could sign away her parental rights to your child and then the courts will start termination of rights against you, as well.

This procedure can be done against you *without* your signature.

I am hoping this will *not* happen to you and your family, and that you and your gf will stay together and make a home for all of your kids.

Here is a website you might try, also:

http://www.fathersrightsinc.com/

skylark

Don't let your girlfriend pressure you into giving up your parental rights if you don't want to.

It sounds to me like she really wants to be married and doubts your commitment to her. She wants you to marry her because you want to, not because she's forcing you into it, which I understand. She sounds frustrated with the whole situation as well as scared.

I would consider couples' counseling to help you talk through some of your issues. Since money is an issue if you can't pay for counseling or get it through insurance, maybe a clergy person could help you. It is hard to sort out your feelings when an issue is complicated and things are changing so fast. If you aren't religious, maybe the Unitarian church would be a place you'd feel comfortable looking for some help - they don't tell you what to believe and wouldn't judge you. Call around and find out what services might be available to help you.

Alicia

its something you two need to sit down and REALLY discuss. Ihad my sono when i was nineteen, and when he was 16 months old, we had a very much surprise pregnancy. we had only been marreid for 4 months, and i cried for weeks about this baby because of a lot of things. #1 we could barely support our son. #2 i had other worries, like i wasnt excited about this pregnancy as i was about our son, and i didnt understand how i was going to be able to love my 2nd baby as much as i did my first. we never for a second considered adoption. as the pregnancy went on i grew attaached to the baby growing inside of me. The way i look at adoption after the first baby is, you've already proved you can handle one. you also know ohow babies are made. if you werent ready for another one, you should have had a reliable source of birth control in place. My husband and i made sacrifices for our kids, and in our case it meant hi joining the military and moving 1500 miles away from the only place we'd ever known away from our families and friends, but we did what we had to to support our children. Now i have my handsome 2yo son along with a beautiful 4 mo daughter, and our 3rd is due in February 2011. i wouldn't have it any other way...

H******

NO! Siblings have the right to be raised together!

I can't believe the adopter yahoos saying how 'wonderful' it would be to separate siblings - yee gads

Best of luck to you and your little family. The early years are tough, but in the long-term it will be all good :)

Adoption is a great thing to consider. But sounds like you are in a committed relationship with your girlfriend even if you are not married. Sounds like she may have some "this could not have happen" at a worse time blues. Something tells me in your case, y'all will parent the child. Your girl friend is having some fears, being 21 and fixing to have number 2 child can be pretty daunting. Give her some time and if let her consider adoption, let her know your there for her. Considering it doesn't mean you do it and you can get info on it without committing to anything. I have children through adoption and I think it is wonderful.

Becca

Adoption is a wondeful thing. I think you need to fully discuss this with your gf, and carefully look at every angle. People on YA cant tell you whats best because we dont know what would be best for you, its ultimately your choice. I can tell you, stay strong, and try to discuss it rashionally. Arguing is not going to help anything because it will only end up with her more upset. I would consider it if you really feel like you have no other way out. Whatever you do, please do not abort this child.

Good luck.

martin engelbrecht

Hi there Adoption is not all bad. We have adopted and we would like to adopt again. Open adoption is always an answer. Please call Martin Engelbrecht on 0848970590.

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