Should I give my child up for adoption?

eskie lover

We cannot walk in your shoes and cannot search your heart for the right answer, only you can do that. You have to make the best decision you can with what you think is best for your child, using your knowledge, skills and abilities to determine what kind of mother you would be and whether those qualities along with the love you have to give will provide a stable, caring, nurturing environment with which to raise your child. Maybe speak with a counsellor, pastor, or someone you trust for advice or simply to bounce your thoughts off of until you can be certain that whatever decision you make is right for you and the baby. Best wishes, you are in a tough spot, but intention is everything and if you make this decision out of good intention and love, it will be the right one.

snowwillow20

You said it yourself....."I dealt with a lot of emotional issues as a teenager who was adopted...I don't want my child to suffer like I did..."

There is your answer.

casttostrangers

[ I want my child to be happy. I was adopted as an infant and sometimes I wonder what life would have been if my parents would have kept me...I dealt with a lot of emotional issues as a teenager who was adopted...I don't want my child to suffer like I did...What is best for the child? ]

Seems to me you answered your own question. You've been there done that. What makes you think your child wont go through the same thing maybe worse. Only way you can make sure is to parent.At 23 you can do this.
Getting rid of 2nd car payment is a good place to start.

It's really up to you. But if you feel you won't be able to give them a good life then I'd have to support it.

i'm a diva

Personally, whena similar situation happened to me i kept my child. and as difficult as it was finacially there were services out there that helped me like child support. adoption is not a bad thing at all but is that your only option do you have a storng support system that can help you. Just make sure you make the decision thats best for the child. you don't want to spend the rest of you life thinking about what if.

KrissyC

unfortunately, no one can answer this for you. This is something that you'll have to decide on your own. If you want it to work, it might be hard for a while, but you can do it. Many people get through it. On the other hand, if you don't think you're ready for the responsibility and to ultimately change your life, I believe adoption would be a great idea. As a teenager, it can be tough thinking about why your birth parents would give you up, but eventually you realize that they did what was best for you. They knew that for whatever reason, they were not able or willing to hold up to the responsibility of being parents. The fact that they realized that, and gave you to someone who was willing and able to provide for you is an extremely mature thing to do even though it might have been a hard decision.

I am 24 years old and dealing with sort of the same situation The only difference is.. the father is still a part of my life right now. I have no idea what i'm going to do yet, but I know that in the end.. I will make the best decision, and it's something that only you can decide. If someone else makes the decision for you, you have a higher chance of living in regret and hatred towards that person, so that's why only you can decide.

Sorry if I wasn't much of help to you, but good luck in your decision making process!

lilmama31901

well the decision is totally up to you but it will be very hard to after carrying it around for 9 months felling it kick inside you it is a wonderful thing. i have two kids my first one i had i was only 14 years old but would never give him up for anything i thought about it because i was so young but after expericencing everything i would never do it. but it is all up to you if you think you want to adopt it or not. i hope i was helpful to you good luck with everything

Just a Mom

I can't imagine that your parents wouldn't want to help you, especially if you were adopted. I would think they would want to stop this cycle. Look, you are a student right? So eventually you are going to graduate and life will not be as hard as it is right now, and you will still have your child and your child will still have his/her mother. Your child will not have to deal with the emotional issues you went through. Your child can be happy with you as a mother.

And regarding what the first answer said, there is nothing wrong with asking for advice online. This is a place where people have been through adoption and can give you advice from all angles.

Mary O

Adoption is a permanent thing when your situation is temporary. You can get financial assistance to get thru the hard times. You have no idea how horrible it is to face never seeing your child for the rest of your life or his. A child deserves his heritage. Woman up and get counselling.

thelaughingcough

I don't know, there are plenty of people who have kids in your situation or younger. I can't answer that, I was adopted, my mom had me at 17 and they would have kept me but her sister had done the same thing beforehand, and they couldn't take care of two babies. You really have no excuse for a closed adoption like my Mother got...you're 23, I'd say if you want to adopt, have it be open...unless you truly want your child to not know you until they chose to as an adult, some people could handle that. But if you pick adoption, you have to get your life in order...adopting your kid and then not even doing that much is just... a waste of time. You're gonna miss a lot of big moments for your kid...but if it's really that important to you that he or she not be around your unstructured life...don't be ashamed to consider it.

hispregnantwife!

well hunny only part with your baby if your 100 percent sure you cna go your entire life without seeing him or her again.most open adoptions become closed http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adopti...
I know this msut be a difficult decision for you on one hand you would be doing a great thing for a couple in need on the other you baby already knows you your smell your voice everything. I personally think babys need their mothers & you are the mother the REAL mother and no paperwork in the world will change that. there is lots of help availble for young women . I would suggest not talking to ANY adoption agency until your sure about this they often coerce young women into thinking they are unfit mothers and are just incubators for some poor infertile couple. you need to seriously weigh all the options and no matter what you choose trust it is the right decision noone loves this baby like you do and you know best.im not telling you to adopt out is wrong because sometimes its a good choice but know the choice you make is the best one not only for your baby but yourself as well.

slcbtf

Do you know anything about your birth parents?

Consider yourself in their shoes or contact them for help in understanding why they did it.

mommy to a princess

Can your parents help?

If not there is nothing wrong with adoption if thats what you choose...give your child a chance at life if your not able to provide at this time.

You may want to consider an open adoption so you can still see pics, and hear updates about your child..also that way your child is told right soon he understands that you are his/her biological mother and you love him/her but wanted them to have things you couldn't give. And you are always in contact that way when they turn 18 they can see you if thats what you both want...good luck

LaurieDB

Fortunately, the law the not allow a mother to give up her child until after the birth. Therefore, even if you are considering it, you don't have to ultimately make that final decision until after your baby is born.

It sounds like you'd like to be able to raise your child. It also sounds like you have support from your family. No matter what you ultimately choose, here are just a few thought for you. You have some financial problems, but money troubles aren't forever. You will graduate and likely get a full time job, allowing you to make more money. As you know, adoption is forever.

Open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable in most states. This means that if the adoptive family decides they really don't want you in the picture, they don't have to honor any open adoption agreement they may have made with you.

You may ultimately choose relinquishment. But, because it is a very grave decision that cannot normally be undone, it's just best to be fully informed before you do that. Here is some information for you:
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

If you do decide you cannot parent, I would suggest you try to keep your baby in the family before choosing non-family to raise her. You know first hand the questions and issues that can go with being adopted.

Jadore_Dior

well i think this is just plain sad, asking randoms around the world wether u shud put ur child up 4 adoption, this is ur disicion, not some creeps behind computers! well if yah dont want ur child to suffer being aprt frm u, den Dont pur her up fr adoption!! SIMPLE AS!!! >:(

Milo R

OK giving your child in adoption is not bad, do not shame for think like that. You have some troubles now, like your car, you want to keep at college, etc. Other family can love your child, and give all the oportunites you can not, If you can not handle with this baby, please do not keep it he or she will suffer if you keep it.

Please think , and think again, give another family a baby to love it. And do your life, be a nice person and take responsability in the future.
Good Luck

Dana C

Understand that there are a lot of families like my husband and myself that would jump at the chance to adopt. Single parenting is never really easy (I did it for about 15 years with 4 kids), but the rewards are substantial. Only you can know the proper decision for yourself and your baby. You have to trust yourself to have the right answer.
As far as knowing what would have been different? It is not something you had any control of. Don't beat yourself up over the what ifs.
I wish you the best of luck, and you will be in my prayers.

Leesh

What I am hearing is that you don't think you are ready to have a child - emotionally or financially. I think you should go to an adoption counselor as they will discuss your options further.

However I will say that while you were having issues as a teenager and you don't want that for your child, remember that your parents gave you up for a reason. Maybe they weren't ready for a child, maybe they didn't have the money, maybe they didn't feel they could give you a good life... same reasons you are giving now.

No one can make this decision for you. This is something that will live with you the rest of your life, no matter what decision you make.

Have you spoken to your parents about it? Since they adopted themselves, I bet they could give you some insight from the other end which could help in your decision.

GOOD LUCK.

quiverquestion

Better to put your child up for adoption since you already know you dont want your baby,better to adopt than to murder your baby!

JennyMarie

I think if you are un sure about your ability to take care of your child you should consider giving it up. There are many options that i think you should look into one of wich is open adoption which could help with the adopted teen issue given you and your child could communicate and you could explain to them when the time was right as to why you did this. Also there are many children that have no issues with being adopted. I think you should really think about what is going to be best for this child.

cool_J

you should have thought about yourself before bring a new life in the world

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