Should I try to find my birth parents?

Kimberly

Honey, it's a personal decision.

I have adopted 9 kids. 6 out of the 9 have searched. One is still young and cannot access her biological mother's files yet. And the two others refuse to. They just won't. I try to persuade them, but it's their decision, not mine.

If you want, look for your mom. I understand how hard it must be on you. But I can't really, because I wasn't adopted. But I have seen it in my children's eyes.

If you want to search, do. It may help you heal.

Possum

It's a huge thing to search - and frankly - unless you have the help of your adoptive parents - it will be hard as you're under 18.
And then depending on what state you live in - it could still be quite hard - as many US states have adoption records sealed for life.

Below are the normal searching places I tell adoptees to start.
Know - firstly - you're not alone.
I've searched - and found - and it's a little messy - but adoption is.
It's very emotional - often people say it's a rollercoaster on your emotions - but I wouldn't change a thing - as I ALWAYS wanted to find my truth - and without it - I felt completely lost.
I wish you the absolute best.

First - add your details to the registries here
http://www.isrr.net/
http://registry.adoption.com/

Check for information on your state records here -
http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?page_id=39

Check here for search help - and links to search angels -
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

And check here for any support - it's the best online forum for adoptees I've found -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/

As I said - you may not be able to move forward with many options as you're so young - but start with these - and see how you go.
Above all - try to find other adoptees to talk to - I find that helps - a lot.

ETA: MOST adoptees have fantasies. When we aren't told our truth from day one - and get to know our bio family growing up - fantasies are all we have.
Do a heap of reading.
Start some kind of journal.
These will help you search through what you're feeling - often writing stuff down - getting it 'out' - really really helps.
Google 'blogs' written by adoptees - again - you're not alone.
Take care of you.
xx

kidmindi

I remember being 13 and having all kinds of ideas about what my mother was like. I felt like I had a huge hole in my heart. When I was 18 I found my mother and she was nothing like any of my fantasies. She was just an ordinary woman who had had a hard life. She loved me in her own way but just was unable to be a mother.

Being an adopted teen is hard. Take life day by day, and try to sort out your feelings. When you are 18, if you want to find your mother, then look into it.

Good Luck. Feel free to PM me anytime if you ever need someone to talk to

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

you don't know her, but you don't think much of her? how could you have an opinion if you've never met her?

give her a chance!

i am a huge advocate of searching. it's well worth it.

Just Me

Legally, you can find out your birth mothers name and attempt contact at 18 without permission from the adopted parents. Unfortunately (this is what I am dealing with now) the adopted parents have full control of you until this age and can prohibit you seeing her. Agencies are set up to help people find their birth parents (I can promise your birth parents know...It was on the butt load of documents they had to sign) and if she doesn't want to see you, at least you tried and this should still provide closure.

dance dance salsa chick

Hey I was adopted also, and if you want to know your real parents then go for it, you want to know them,and you gotta right what the worst that could happen, they say they don,t want to talk,but its worth trying.

Halo Mom

Tempe

I would not look for your birth mother until you are older or really want to. It's easy for people to say what one should do, and how it will heal us.

It does not sound like you really want to. Until you really want to, I would not. Meeting the birth mother could do more harm then good in some cases. Not all cases. Some it work out great

I am not sure if it's bad, if you could or want to handle it

Life is long, a lot of people have issues. My mom died when I was ten, I had abandonment Issues. The person who made me trust in people again, was my husband, until the day he died. Guess what, they are back, bigger than they were

At 13, and you seen not to be ready, I would not
You could ask your parents if you can see an counselor, sometimes it helps

You can google the name and state and see what pops up

HKing

I think you are too young at the moment to even be able to find her. It would most likely cost money since you only have a little bit of information and it could cause a lot of stress if everything doesn't go as planed. My advise is to wait since you don't seem to care that much now. Maybe when you are older you will want to know.

Good luck

AttorneyKearney

Gather as much information as you can and go find her, it doesnÂ´t matter if she wants to meeet you or not, what matters is what you want and itÂ´s always good to no your biological parents.
You may find out information that can help you in the future such as any illnesses that the biological parents may transmit or you may tend to develope.
You will feel good after you know ho she is and what sheÂ´s like, the longer you wait the harder it will be to track her down, or she may also die before you get a chance to meet her if you wait too long.

Lic.Gregory Kearney Lawson

*Dreamer TTC#2*

Remember your birth mother made a choice that was most likely the best for you. I know it is hard to see it that way. When my friend was 16 she got pregnant, she gave her daughter to a wonderful family. At her age, she could not have given that baby the life it deserved or needed. What she did was best for the baby.

If you feel that having this closure is going to help you then go for it. But this could come with a lot of disappointment and hurt. She is not your mother, your adoptive mother is. Don't expect to see her and feel like she is your mom, or feel that she owes you anything.

Its going to be hard on both of you remember but its a choice you are going to have make yourself understand all the consequences.

DO realize that you being adopted may not feel like it was the best thing in the world....but I can guarantee you it probably was.
Don;t worry too much about hurting your mom, there is a good chance that she has already thought about this.

Good Luck

Anha S

Deciding to search for your first mother is a serious decision, and while I do agree, that having some of your questions answered can go a long way in dealing with some of the painful issues, just be sure that you are prepared for any and all outcomes of what it is you want to do. Also, would there be any impediments to you searching for your first mother now?

Whatever you choose, do what is best for you, and best of luck. I fought hard to find my first family, and while it didn't work out long term I will never regret meeting any of them. It really helped string a lot of things together

gavi624

I think you are too young now. Wait until your are of age and consider this again. Also, be careful what you wish for. I am glad I did a background check on my biological father before I started to look for him. You may not want to know this person. Good Luck and speak to a school counselor about the feelings you are having.

Becca R

You sound a little young remember she might not have had a choice if she couldn't raise you it may have been the best thing she did for you.Please don't write my off i know it hurts to not know your real mom. When your older if you want to look for her go for it you have more info then most kids do.

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