Should adopted children be given the choice of contacting their biological parents?

BPD Wife

Absolutely. It should be the child's choice to make contact if he/she so desires.

However, as an adoptive mom, I do feel that it is a choice that the child should be mature enough to make - such as the age of 18. I want my child to be mentally and emotionally strong enough to hear what his bio parents have to say at reunion. I'm afraid that if he is not old enough to "understand" some of the things they will tell him, it will make things worse for him in the long run. However, that is based on our personal story, and hence why my opinion is that way.

LaurieDB

What Heather said.

Unless they are a danger to the child, that is a choice that should be there.

Lori A

Isn't that Freedom of Association.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

YES!! they get no say in anything else!

Cam

Yes, all adoptees deserve the right to choose whether or not to contact their bio family.

just my opinion

As the mother of an adoptive child, I say yes. I adopted my Son in 1969 and he did contact his biological Mother in 1997 and has been united with 2 Half Sisters 2 Nieces and a Brother, soon to meet a half Brother and nephew, most of which are on another continent. This child grew up and only child and found that he is 1 of 10. Surprised me too!
All too many times some Parents that gave their children up do not want to be contacted. The child has a yearning to know where they came from. From where I stand I got to thank the woman that gave her son up. Without her I would not have had a child.

Heather B

Of course they should, yes. And once those adopted children become adults they should be allowed to enjoy the same freedom of association that the rest of society take for granted.

99-Maxima

yes, they definitely shoudl

chielu c

How would you feel if you wanted to know who your parents were and nobody would tell you?

Dave F

Yes

surfnerd

yes

moi

yes they should
but i dont get why anyone wouldnt want to meet their biological parent....
and I always feel so bad for the parents when the child refuses to ever meet them....
I mean the child should know that the parent didnt give them away because they didnt love them,they gave them away because they did....
And the adopted parents should not make the child feel guilty to want to meet and or have a relationship with their biological parent(s)
A way to solve all of this however,is to have open adoptions and for the law to start enforcing the open adoptions so that adopted parents cant go back on their word....
Then the child would know right off that its adopted,wo their birth mother and or father is,what they look like,etc....and then the adopted parents will be involved as well so that one day all of a sudden their adopted child doesnt out of the blue want to meet their birth parents and then theyre all upset and hurt that the child wants that....It would have already been going on for many years.........

EDIT
to HAPPYMOM
omg,I cant believe you would talk about their birth mother that way....and from what you just said,it sounds like you say that to them as well....(I surely hope not)and you mention her being pregnant like you're putting her down...that's none of your business and until you walk in her shoes,you shouldnt judge her...I could go on and on about this,but I choose not to...and no i'm not on drugs or anything myself,but I can still see how awful what you said sounded....
EDIT AGAIN
personally,I dont think u should have any of those kids because of the way you talk about their birth mother....what you think,you should keep to yourself,whether if its true or not....talking about their mother like that is ABUSE to those children and will scar them for life....just because something is true,doesnt mean it has to be discussed to them or in front of them,if at all,really..
And you decided to take the first child,so you should have known what the possibilities were of the future before doing so...instead of whining about it on here....
And those babies should be kept together if possible which is why they ask you if you want the others....
And if you do take on that last baby,then that is a really good thing for you to do for the kids you already have and the new baby....so I commend you for that....
:O)

Mommy Of Three!

I think everyone should have the right to contact there biological parents. I always wanted to know why my real father wasnt there? It should be your choice but sometimes the biological parents dont see it that way

GEE-GEE

Absolutely. That is why we chose to do open adoption and are in constant contact with my sons birth mother.

Greenie

I don't think there is one correct answer... different things work for different people. But in general, I do think it is a good thing to have the choice.

sizesmith

Most children should be allowed, but I believe just as the adoptive parents had to undergo a home study, a small study to make sure the child is prepared to see a bio parent in a possible non-responsive mood. I also believe that if the bio parent wants to refuse, they should be able to.

Because of the reasons some kids are given up for adoption, ie drug use, financial, poor living conditions, illness, abusive relationships, and worse, that sometimes a child below certain ages shouldn't see what is going on. By age 18, most kids can face the reality of realizing that bmom is a drug addict and probably won't ever change, and that it's not their fault, however, a 14 year old can have nightmares over the same situation. I also believe that a caseworker of some sort should be there in the event that the adoption has been closed and the child and his or her adoptive parents have never met the bmom.

On the other hand, I believe that open adoptions, where the child might see the address in the drawer or file, or where the phone might ring and it be bmom checking to see how things are going, that the adoption be just that: open.

By open, I would hope that bmom can be part of the child's life, and that aparents can respect that. But on the other hand, even though our adoption is closed legally, we had talked about open adoption, and tried to welcome bmom into our home. Unfortunately, she has screwed up several times, and I don't think it is a good idea any more until she cleans up her life. My son is too young to know, but we are sure dissappointed, as we wanted her to be part of his life, so he would know her love, and understand what happened and how he ended up with us. Each situation is so different, and both aparents and bparents evolve and change as baby grows up. I just wish it could be for the betterment of all, and that all could grow and make the child's life the #1 happy factor.

Cartier

YES, as long as they weren't taken away from them by social services for something that would endanger the child. That does not include drug problems or anything like that, because no matter what issues the natural parents have, the children still deserve to know who their natural parents are.

Sadie W

this question is sooo hard to anserw with either yes or no.
if the child is wanting to contact their biological parents let them go for it. but if they don't they can't be pressure. some adopted children prefer the parents they've grown up. some hate their biological parents for putting them into care
overall the children involved should have a choice yes.

akbutner2

yes and no...Currently you have the right to open your record and then see if you birth parent has open their's to allow contact. The biological parents however have the right (at least what I have been told) to contact if the record is open or not. I disagree the biological parents have more rights than the child. I think both sides should be open BEFORE being reunited.

Carlita

Yes, but I feel this opens a whole new can of worms...because I don't think some mothers would adopt out their baby, if they knew they could be contacted. Not fair to the child, but still a thought....

biligical mom

I gave up my two daughters in wich isurrendered my rights and they have been adopted this happened 9 years ago. I see my daughters one every three months for about two hours each visit. The adopted mother is always there at the visit and has all the control I do feel even after 9 years like I am having hard time connecting with them . I belieave its intimidation from the adopted mother and the time restraint dont help. I did what was best for my kids because i was sick due to drugs i have been clean now for 6 years. Its a hard choice but a very unselfish one.

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