Should couples be banned from adopting children overseas?

Randy B

While I understand the point you may be trying to make, I think an idea like this is rediculous. When it comes to swaying on the subject I am firmly on the side of international adoptions (when done correctly).

To those who would say we need to help the children in the US (or Canada, or Australia, or UK...) first I say that we are citizens of the world and as such we have an obligation to help where we can and where we choose. More, of course, should be done to encourage the adoption of the children at home but that does not negate the need for the children overseas.

To those who say we remove the children from their culture and their heritage I say that yes, we do, but that doesn't mean that we, as adoptive parents, cannot educate those children about their culture and heritage. I've been doing that with my East Indian daughter and will do that with my First Nations daughter as she gets older.

I also defy anyone who has been to an orphanage in India, Russia, China, Mexico or any other second or third world country to not see that these are not places where children should be raised. I've been to them in India and seen the rows and rows of cribs. I've helped rebuild one in Bosnia and delivered aid supplies to one in Afghanistan. I know first hand that many countries cannot look after their children in these places.

My oldest daughter was wasting away in an Indian orphanage, weighing only 10 lbs (4.5 kg) at 8 months old when she came to us and that was one of the better orphanages in New Delhi India run by Mother Theresa's organization. If she had better care she may not have had the learning disabilities she has now since she would have gotten the proper nutrients in the critical months after birth.

Sending aid cheques and signing up to sponsor a child after watching an hour long infomercial is not the only way to do it. These sponsorship agencies may do good work but many also, in most cases, take a good chunk of the monthly cheque amount in administration fees with less left over for the needy end of the process.

The world is becoming a smaller place all the time and we need to band together to help not only our local neighbors but our world neighbors too and for those who choose to do it, international adoption is a viable and valuable part of that process.

Kazi

Unless their own countrymen are willing to step in and adopt them then IA will need to exist. Life in a 3rd world orphanage is no way to grow up; and many, in fact, do not get the chance to grow up.

While losing one's culture and native language is not to be swept under the rug, it does not hold equal measure with growing up without love, safety, nourishment, medical care, educational opportunities... and a family.

I'm hungry, cold, alone, sick, scared... but that's just fine because the caretakers speak my language and share similar features.

I assure you, not much in the way of culture and tradition are celebrated in an orphanage. There is no time. There is no money. Their focus is more on survival.

Parents who do their research and are really in tune with their child's best interest will do their absolute best to blend their child's native culture into their lives, as well as insist on them learning the language, as well learning the language themselves. Parents can also move to a racially diverse area, so that their child does not feel like the odd man out at every turn. My town is like that as well as having quite a number of IA families.

If my daughter could have been raised by her mama, that would have been wonderful. But that wasn't an option. If someone within her country could have adopted her, that would be wonderful. But that didn't happen.

Institutions, no matter how well funded or run by wonderful caring people, will ever trump having a family to call your own who loves you, supports you and cares what happens to you.

Point of note: After joining the Hauge convention, China is mandated to push domestic adoption. However, the stigma has not been erased. Meaning that Chinese are adopting in greater numbers than they ever have before, however, due to the stigma, it is done privately with the understanding that it is quite unlikely that the children will be told they were adopted.

Indian-vision

If you look at it from the Country's point of view.........if you want to live in a dictatorship where the goverment controls everything........well O.K.

If you give that reasoning about "child removed from his culture".......Come to my 3rd world country which has millions in an orphanage living a pathetic life and no hope for a good ,happy future. Ask that kid if he wishes to mature out of the orphanage and live in his culture OR would he like a family that loves him and a place that is his
forever home and he can get in touch with his culture too as he gets older like millions of Indian kids born abroad do.

U.S, U.K and other countries have so many 2nd and 3rd generation Indians. Many have never even bothered to learn the language and learn the customs untill they are older and fascinated by it. Thats when many take their first trip to their country of origin. Ofcourse that will never make them less of Indian origin. It will always be a part of their identity.

Anastasia B- How would you know what an International adoptee from a 3rd world country being "saved" from an orphanage feels. You either have to be an International adoptee or living in a 3rd world country aware of the state of affairs to even remotely understand.

Phantasmagoria

I don't think so. My sister in law was born in South Korea and adopted and nationalized in the U.S.
She doesn't have any cultural insecurities at all.
She was given a much better life here.

Sophie

Nope... how ignorant that would be.

car05161967

I definitely think it should be. Because, It is an insult to all the millions of kids, in the 'system' in the home country.

Melanie B

It really depends,
I think no, as they will lose their culture and have to learn new languages etc.

Plus people are starting to do it as they reckon it's 'trendy'

Growing up adopted in your own culture and society is better then in another.

BOTZ

"Should couples be banned from adopting children overseas?"

I'm against unnecessary adoption of any kind, from anywhere. I find MOST (not all) internation adoptions to be especially cruel for loss of language, culture, heritage, belonging, and the time, distance and difficulty built in to the search process for any internation adoptee who wishes to find his/her natural family/families.

"International adoption removes children from the culture into which they were born."

Sometimes domestic adoption does, too. I was adopted by a family that does not share my race, even though within the country of my birth. I was adopted by a family that does not share the religion/religious persuasion of either of my natural parents -- to one of whom, religion is THE centerpiece and basis of that parent's culture.

"Whatever maybe lost culturally is more than made up for by the benefits of growing up in a secure and loving environment rather than an â€˜institutionalâ€™ setting."

You are assuming that every adoptive home is secure and/or loving. Mine was neither. That was 36 years ago, though...I keep hoping it is getting (or will get) better. Then I hear another one of "those" stories...and it all comes rushing back and I have the distinct feeling that nothing is really changing at all.

Even if an internationally adoptive home IS loving and secure, I still disagree with your assessment that it "makes up for" the loss of one's culture, language, heritage...even racial identity.

I would prefer to see ALL private and/or non-regulated agency adoptions (i.e. any adoption NOT through foster care) banned. That would at least HELP to eliminate the profit-mongering in adoption and the use of adoption as a business that secures adoptlings for the paying client -- adoptive parents. That would make it a lot better, in my opinion.

Adoption will never be right until it does what it is MEANT to do -- find families for CHILDREN who actually NEED them -- and NOTHING else.

Kassy

I sway both ways too!

Just as there are older children in the US who need homes because of abuse, neglect, loss of parents & no family willing to step up there are older children in overseas orphanages for the same reasons. In many countries there's a tremendous stigma against people not of your own blood, and people just don't adopt. In many countries everyone is so poor and already taking care of extended family that they don't have the resources to adopt a stranger.

It's absurd to say that we should help our own first. That's meaningless. It will never be the case that there are no children in foster care who need homes. So it's more honest to just say that if a child wasn't born in the US, they're out of luck.

Better arguments agains international adoption are the chances of corruption, the loss of the child's culture, and that sponsorship is a preferable alternative.

Personally, I don't think sponsorship is a cure all. There are countries where there are lots of orphans due to disease, natural disasters, and war. There are children in orphanages who have no home to go to, thirty dollars a month won't bring their family back.

I guess if I was to get off the fence it would be to say that either we have to be realistic and do something about the quality of the orphanages overseas or that tightly controlled international adoption is ok. I wonder if the "our own country first" argument covers monetary donations as well? Should we not send money overseas until there are no poor people in the US? And then with international adoption I couldn't get all the way behind it until we're closer to zero tolerance on corruption, and we're confident that adoptive parents are committed to keeping what they can of their child's culture. I'm thinking that with older children they should maybe get a say if they would like to stay in the orphanage or be adopted to a different country. With infants, well, I think we should put the brakes on the number of infant adoptions overseas. I wonder if you couldn't adopt a child overseas under the age of two, might overseas adoptions slow down?

Sorry. I got to rambling. I'm still on the fence.

eta: I think I'm against banning overseas adoptions, but I think there needs to be some reform done.

Also, I'm wondering how many international adoptions are done to the US every year? I bet it's not a drop in the bucket compared to how many children are available from foster care. Trying to force people to only adopt from foster care won't be enough of a solution for those kids. We need something else.

The MisUnderstood

Yes, we need to help our country first then other countries

Serenity71

Could it really be that black and white with any grey?

What if your an immigrant from Asia or India? Should a couple be denied being able to go back their own country to adopt a child if they have become citizens of another country? I know India these days wants people with connections to their country to be only able to adopt. (Fair enough.)

I do feel people should have some ties to a country they plan to adopt from. (And I'm making no judgment here on AP's who have adopted through inter-country, you know your reasons better than anyone and your children's backgrounds.)

Kazi- Thats interesting info you gave in your answer. People do have to see for themselves to fully understand.
I've learned lots myself from reading the answers of inter-country AP's experiences once they reached the country they adopted from.

Tati

i am all for over seas adoption... i'm sorry but in most cases these children are getting a chance at life in the US that they would NEVER have in their home country... i knew a couple who adopted a child when she was 2 from an orphanage in Russia... at the time the child couldn;t talk and was basically very animalistic... i didnt actually meet her till she was close to 4 years old, by then she was speaking just as well as any 4 year old and already showing what a smart little girl she was and i cant help but think what a waste her life would have been if she hadn't been 'rescued'... it's been a few years since i met this family but i still want to praise them for what they did and are doing for this sweet little girl

Penny P

children are children despite their color, and they all have the same basic needs. I believe that if the choice is between growing up with two parents and a family, or growing up in an institution, that the first is the better option. Yes, it's true, the child will lose his original culture and country, but he will GAIN a family, and a new culture with adoption. And the adoptive parents can always teach the child about his/her original culture. No, it's not the same as growing up with one's birth family, but sometimes that is just not an option. It is what it is..... and someone still has to care for the children that are orphaned! I think one only has to see the children languising away in a third world institutuion to go with adoption on this one.

My Account Suspended 4 no Reason

I think that is ridiculous. People should be able to be adopted from anywhere. If they are raised in America how could they possibly miss their culture? It is impossible. I was raised in America, I am Italian and I certainly don't miss the Italian culture.

tiredofw8ing

NO, foster care is fine if you want to deal with all the red tape and dealing with the ever intrusive CPS. Then not all children in foster care are available for adoption and some of them get ripped out of your arms no matter how long you took care of them and given back to their parents. Then if you are looking for one child and a young one at that good luck.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

yes. we don't need to rip them away from their culture.

if somene really wants to "save" an overseas child, they can sponser the child and their family.

US foster care has kids who NEED homes.

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