Should i adopt or not?

opedial

You can't move forward if you are both not in it. But in the meantime you can both educate yourselves on adoption, and adopting older children. Your husband is correct, in that the child may have some problems, but unless they are serious, they can be overcome. (even serious ones can be lessened with structure, love, and professionals assisting you0.

I have found it it worth it.

Your comment though on possibly regretting not having "children of my own", that is the statement that concerns me. YOu have to really come to grips with how you feel about this.

I did fertility treatments, not to any great extent (really could not be bothered with all the drugs etc.). We pursued adoption, and knew we would be adopting older children. I did some grieving over not being able to bear children, and moved on.

We were presented with three siblings through adoption ages 4,5,6. We were ecstatic, yay we are going to be parents! After the children arrived, some more grief I did not know existed came up about missing those first few years with my children. It was not "having my own" but not being able to raise a child from birth that I was grieving. This grief did not last long (seriously don't have lots of time with the three) and I am now able to refocus my thoughts and think of all the great firsts I will have as an adoptive parent. We joke, our two boys came in with severe speech delays. The one word they could say without any problem was the B-word. For me, the most exciting day was when my then five year old was so angry, looked over at me and said "I am not going to say b*tch because I know its wrong". Even more proud now when he says "i am very angry about that mommy", words he could not say when he moved in.

So it is different, but I get all kinds of firsts that I get to celebrate! I also, how cool is this, during my first year as a mother, get to celebrate Christmas with kids aged 5,6,7 with all the excitment that comes with it.

Last week a friend brought her baby over. I looked at the baby and said "yep, I know the decision was right for me".

And now I don't look back. Nor does my husband.

So you need to be in it together, and to refocus your thinking on how you want to create your family and move forward with no regrets. It is worth it, that I can tell you!

*me*

You can't push it on him. You both have to want this for it to work.

Older children are just as important, and need homes, but they do come with some problems due to their trauma from their past.

You have to ask yourself if you would trust that older child around a baby if you had one next. Would the adopted child be jealous?.

You don't have to feel guilty for starting a family, this is God's plan. Think about your family right now, and have some babies with your husband first.

Lillie

All adoptees have problems.

Adoption comes from loss...loss of a mother, family, culture, entire history. Whether that loss occurs at the age of 8 years or 8 days, a child will suffer for it.

You will do yourself a great service by educating yourself and your man about the effects of adoption on adopted people. Raising an adopted child, even one adopted at birth, is NEVER going to be the same as raising your own child.

You both need to understand this and the ramifications of it before you even consider adoption.

And, adopting just to be somebody's savior is not a good reason at all. Nobody wants to be another person's charity case.

Littlechit

"man I am with" implies that you're not married. This situation is a relationship breaker. You NEED to be on the same page with your life partner on issues like this. I feel the same way as you do. I think the world is way too overpopulated to want to bring more kids into it when there are so many out there who need homes.

Lisa Marie

The possibility that challenges arising from bio children is nearly the same as adoptive children. You may give birth to a special needs child or a child with behavioral problems or you may adopt a child with the same sort of issues. There are no guarantees when it comes to parenthood. Whether you decide to adopt or have bio children it is a wonderful adventure full of laughs, worries, love, and bumps in the road.

BabyGurl

im looking for someone to adopt my baby !

GUNMAN

well to me adoption can either save or suin a childs life if you are good parents you have made the adoped childs life better they may not noticde it at the time but hey who does

Hey you! I'm receding

My mom's friend had the same problem, she decided to get pregnant, after she had the baby, a couple years later she adopted a baby like a 3 year old or something now she is having her second thinking in adopting another in a 2 years now. She always sayd that if you have the chance you can do both 'cause after all not all the women can have babies...

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