Should mothers who give their children up for adoption be allowed to keep their identity secret?

MamaKate

Dear Alisha,

No. I don't think so. By bringing a child into this world, a parent (this means mothers AND fathers!), IMO have an irrevocable tie to the identity of the person they have created. To purposefully deny ANYONE information about their own identity is unconscionable and prevents them from having their truth. Keeping people from their truth is cruel and immoral, IMO.

If a parent wishes to refuse a relationship or contact is up to them, but having your own personal identifying information (such as family ancestry) is a right - not a privilege, in my eyes.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

NO.

i have a right to know my own mother.

Heather B

No. But they can state whether or not they want to be contacted.

Every human deserves to know who gave birth to them

Mei-Ling

Is there this implied assumption that a mother who gave up her child didn't actually want that child?

You know, I talked with someone about this a long time ago, and they said, "The mothers aren't rejecting their children. The mothers were coerced, forced into relinquishing, told to sign paper that they couldn't even see properly because of the drug haze."

And I said, "Well, yeah, but when the mother rejects their child and refuses to allow contact or to give information - they are indirectly rejecting the child as well."

I don't think a lot of mothers wanted to even keep their identities a secret to begin with. I think that's just propaganda to ensure the bond between adoptive mother and child and to reassure the adoptive family that "that woman" can't ever get her child back.

It was something done by the adoption agency to promote the relationship between adoptive mother and child.

I believe the relationship between adoptive mother and child is important - but NOT at the risk of demeaning the ties that child has to their biological families as well. (Generic) you shouldn't have to demean someone just to make yourself feel secure and important.

Zuko

No. They shouldn't. I think that would be the most selfish thing they could possibly do. That's the same thing as saying 'screw the baby. he or she wont care anyway.'

What happens if that child wants to know where he or she came from when they get older? Everyone has a right to that information and it's not fair to keep it from them.

amyburt40

No. There is no such thing in the non adopted sector. Why should there be in the adopted sector? The original birth certificate belongs to the person whose birth it records. Yes the parents should have access to it just like in the non adopted sector.

There is no way to guarantee the confidentiality. Texas for example has a birth index So it is easy to find in Texas and several other states for that matter.

sam22254

No the child has the right to know who his or her parents are (not just the birth mother) If the mother slept with 10 guys then they should be listed to so this child has something to go from.

Felicita1

That depends. If the identity of her adult adopted child is kept secret from the mother, then her own identity should be equally protected. It should go both ways or else someone again has power over the mother and she has none (such as when she had none when her baby was taken from her). Someone else has information about her and she has no access to equal information about the other person. This is not fair.

Having said that, neither adoptee nor natural mother should have their identity hidden from each other at any time, unless in the case of a minor child where there are child protection concerns. For adult adoptees and their natural mothers, this privacy is unnecessary and damages families and hurts people.

Equal rights need to be protected. And the sanctity of a family -- the mother and child bond -- should be recognized and respected such that both can know and find each other if they were separated by adoption.

ETA to Melanie -- it is not "placing" if the mother has been forced or coerced in any way -- either thru social pressure, financial pressure, emotional pressure etc. If coercion was involved, one can say a mother gave up her baby, surrendered her baby, relinquished her baby, or her baby taken for adoption -- but "placing" involves an entirely voluntary decision made with free will. Telling a woman that she "placed" when she was coerced denies her truth. A coerced decision is not a decision at all. "Correct terminology" does not whitewash.

TEACHER

Identity yes...medical history no. As an adoptee is my right to know what diseases and other things may lurk in my history. It is also the right of my spouse to know before he commits to me...

Blaze Ookami

Yes.
If you honestly think your child would do much better without knowing you, you should do so.

a healing adoptee

if a person chooses to keep their identity a secert than that is their choice. however there should be enough information in the adoption records to answer questions an adoptee may have about their biological family. It would be nice if the mother chooses to keep her identity secert, than she should write a letter explaining the choice she made. also too, there should always be a way to change what is in the adoption record if the biological mom changes her mind and wants to be reunited with her child. but this scenrio is going forward. in the past most mothers were forced to give up their babies and then sign something that they want no contact, in reality they did.

Nathan

Well, parents have a responsibility to take care of their children since they create them, but for the sake of these children, we will allow parents to place children for adoption. Basically, we let them out of this responsibility because we'd rather let someone avoid responsibility than try to force it on them at the risk of a child. Some adoptees consider this an injustice: they have the right to be raised by their biological parents.

I believe that secret identities could be justified by the same logic as adoption itself, but there would be and is the same objection from adoptees. They didn't get to be raised by their biological parents, so they at least want to be able to know who they are, meet them, etc.

So that's the problem. Some parents could be afraid of facing their children as adults and possibly having to convince them it was the right choice to place them for adoption. We might worry that children could come to harm if we discourage adoption by forcing birth parents to have to "answer to" their children.

I guess that covers reasons for and against secret identities of biological parents.

Michelle L

If they are really that embarrassed over the situation, birth moms should have that option. They should also have the option of going back to the adoption agency years later and changing their minds.

In the interest of the child, I'd hope that they would be willing to share medical information, etc.

Zeena

That is what closed adoptions are for.

A birth mother can choose to keep all personal info private or available.

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