Should natural parents and adoptive parent both be required to do a home study?

Gaia Raain II

I think it would be great if more resources were available for bio parents. But the parenting classes and such that are openly available now seem (I could be wrong here, this is just the sense I get) to be targeted toward parents with a "problem", rather than everyday people who would like to have some support. This probably makes it less likely that people will sign up. I do think that any and all parenting groups/classes for bio parents should be optional, BUT they should also be geared toward everyday parents, and made attractive enough that any ol' Jane off the street will say, "hey, that sounds cool, maybe I'll give that a shot". They should also be free and easily accessible. We could all use more support, no?

But for adoptive parents, ongoing support, classes, groups, etc. I think should be mandatory (before and after the adoption).

It's harder for adoptive parents to bond with the child because they don't have the benefit of gestation, the natural bonding process. They've got to wing it with a child who does not share DNA, mannerisms, talents, scent, moods, and personality with them; a child who is grieving the loss of the people with whom they DO share DNA, mannerisms, talents, etc. It doesn't come naturally because it's just not a natural process. I think you can LOVE just about anyone, but to BOND, with a parent/child relationship, is a bit more complicated, and doesn't always work out.

Hubby's waiting on me to do yard work...gotta run.

cantstopLinnyG

uuum, no to the bio parents, yes to the ap's.

I think so, it's part of a homestudy.

Because they are not being entrusted with a stranger's child.

Because they did not give birth to that child. They can have love and a bond, but its a different bond. That baby does not know them, that baby knew his or her natural mother for almost a year. Its a proven fact a newborn knows his mother's voice, scent and face. He grew inside of her and knows all of her rhythms, reactions, breathing patterns, and sleep habits. An adoptive parent is a complete and total stranger to the baby.

The baby will eventually bond with the ap's, but it is on a superficial (non-biological ) level. It will never be the same level as it was with the child's natural mother, no matter how the a Mother tries. It's biologically impossible.

Again, it has nothing to do with love. My a Mom will attest (as MOST women who have had a bio child and an adoptive child) that it is the same love, but it is a different kind. I am bonded to BOTH my Mothers. I love BOTH my Mothers. They're just different kinds.

kitta

Home studies are only required for adoptive parents because the child has already lost his/her first family. The state wants to ensure that the child will not be disrupted again.Adoption is considered alternative care.

If homestudies were required for natural parents, think about this: Who would do the homestudies, and what would be the standards? We would be licensing parents to be able to give birth. We are almost there now. Poor people would be denied. Only the social workers would be able to decide who can be a parent.

Adoptive parents are given extensive medical tests, at least in some states.

There are laws in place to check natural parents who are suspected of drug abuse, and from time to time, there have been other medical tests done routinely on pregnant mothers and babies. In the 1940s, all mothers used to be tested for syphilis and newborns were routinely given eyedrops to prevent blindness, as a precaution if their mothers "might" have the disease.

This type of testing is coming back now for HIV, and would help to save lives.

Bonding begins in the womb, for natural mothers and babies, and is a physiological and psychological process. Babies know their natural mothers at birth, already.

Adoptive parents must get to know the child through caring for the child, and form attachments. For some people this can happen quickly and for others it takes longer.

HappyMomAnna

No--even though it would be nice so far there are no rules about procreation and parenting if you give birth to your child. And to require a home study for biological parents would be way too much Government Control. Biological parents have the right to parent--Adoptive Parents DO Not and should be required to meet a higher standard.

During the home study for private adoption I have no idea if there is drug testing but, would assume the if the mother wants the parents drug tested she could request it. With State Adoption it may depend on the State or County's policy. We were actually expecting to be drug tested and asked why we were Not and told that during the process of the home study drug testing would be required only if there were any reasons to be concerned. In our Home Study by the time we were certified we didn't have any private issue unknown... So, our worker told us the decision to drug test would have been up to him to recommend and before it was over he pretty much knew the color of my underwear so---we were not tested because there were no red flags. I have run into a few parents who were drug tested.

I am both a biological mother of 2 children and adopted 2 children I met when they were 5 and 1 years old. The HARDEST Bond I had with any of my 4 children was with my Second Biological Child! For a variety of reasons but, do recall feeling very bad about how difficult it was for me to bond with my little #2 child. Mostly because she has always been stubborn and fussy if things are not HER way--she was like this before birth when she refused to be born head first and demanded to be born feet first--at 24 years old she still Lives Her Life Her way.

The easiest BOND I had with with our daughter I met at 5 years old. She was my easiest Bond--but, for her not. She has Reactive Attachment Disorder. My Bond to her doesn't Fix Her Attachment to me--but, the fact I have Bonded to her makes it less difficult for me to love her no matter what she thinks for feels for me.

yeahright

I don't think it's feasible for a homestudy for natural parents. However, in adoption---I do think an independant third party SHOULD have to be engaged to protect the natural parents and make SURE they know all of their options--and not just the hospital person giving them a piece of paper saying "sign this" acknowledging you know what you are doing.

Also--I don't think it should be an assumption that it is "harder" to bond with new baby and that bonding comes 100% naturally to first parents. I've seen first hand many times when bonding was instant for AP's and I've seen natural parents take a few months to bond--I don't think it is a blanket statement you can make about all people.

I didn't have to take a drug test per se--but I did have to take a medical background--full disclosure right down to my pap smear is in my doctors documentation and signature.

IDK!!

This is wher commnity comes is, people need to report abuse and et involved. There is a family down the street from me whos child needs medical attention, I offered to drive them and if they gave me a note I would take him and they refused. I got a hold o childrens services and they ordered that they get help. All they needed was an outside force saying "hey take you kids to the doctor" thats all.

By default, kids belong with "their people" and parents are considered fit, unless proven otherwise.

We had a drug test when we adopted and I remember having a screen when i gave birth to our dauhter, i think it was routine, just like other screening, after all it does effect medical care, it's important.

I have given birth and adopted and i found it easier to "bond" (depending on your definition) to my (adopted) son, for a few reasons. When I had my daughter I nearly died and was not able to care for her basic needs for a bit. I had a blood transfusion and couldn't breast feed. I was in so much pain and so fatigued that I couldn't do anything and my husband did it all. I had surgery after that and then it was time to go back to work before i knew it. She bonded mroe with him becuase he took more care of her those first days and she's a total daddy's girl. With my son I didn't give birth and was able to give him everything he needed. I was able to take as much time off work as I needed and I was the one who took the most care of him. He's very much a mama's boy.

I think those first few hours/days/weeks are sooo important for a child to know how they can trust and who takes care of them.

ETA- I'm with Flying monkey here... a little weekend use, not a big deal, if I didn't have a government job, I might toke a little to help me sleep..... I'd be more worried about legal Rx drugs that they don't test for. pregnant women are tested for illegal drugs, but ALCOHOL cases more damage than anything.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

As a PAP I'm fine with whatever screening, checking-up-on, etc, etc.. that Paps and APs have to go through. It's to ensure the child will be living in a safe environment. Doesn't bother me, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

as for natural parents...
While I realize there's no way in he** that the government, etc, will ever be able to force people go through these same processes before they procreate, I DO believe there needs to be MORE ways of finding and uncovering abuse/neglect, etc, in natural families. Too many times it falls through the cracks.. parents are given WAY too many "chances"... etc.. etc... While biologically nobody can stop a fertile person from procreating.. I dont' believe that being a parent is a RIGHT for ANYONE, regardless of fertility. I believe it's privilege, it carries responsibilities with it..

I don't believe anyone that is addicted to an illegal drug should be able to parent a chlid. Drugs make a person unstable, desperate for money, often violent, NOT a safe environment for a child. If they want to be a parent, they must get help and prove they are clean..

And I do NOT believe that in 99.9% of cases, a person is LESS likely to abuse a child that's biologically theirs, or MORE likely to abuse a child that is a "strangers" Nope, sorry, that's a dumb idea.. a parent is either a good parent or a lousy parent. THey either have abusive tendencies or they don't.. And BTW.. I know PLENTY of women who have given birth to children and just not been that "bonded"

sizesmith

I do think a lot of natural parent should be checked more often. Perhaps if there were any doubts by nursing staff at the hospitals, or if the area is prominent with drugs that the family lives in, a mandatory visit from a health nurse might be appropriate every 3 weeks for the first 6 months?

I believe some adoptive parents should have to take drug tests. As part of my physical, to the doctor, it would be very evident that I don't use any illegal drugs, because of my mind, my overall appearance, health, and obviously, no one smokes in my home, my teeth are white and natural.

I actually bonded better with my adopted baby, because of my maturity and the fact that when I adopted, I was emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially ready to have a child. When I gave birth to my oldest, I had great difficulty in several areas of my life, and was using BC, except my then-husband changed it to placebos. The bonding process with our son was even very evident when his first parents visited when he was 11 days old, and she tried to comfort him, but she couldn't, until she placed him in my arms, and he immediately shushed. Even with the A-dad and 1st dad, our son's dad (the adoptive one) was obviously much more comfortable with him.

I also think that anytime anyone is caught abusing a child, using drugs either while pregnant, or around any child, and anyone accused of domestic abuse should have to be randomly checked sometimes. In the perfect world, our families would check up and give the guidance, and teach our young to raise children the right way. Unfortunately, this isn't a perfect world anymore.

gypsywinter

Ya'know...OP...I'm not real sure what you are about. I have read your profile..you had even stated in your profile that you make up things when you are bored. You ask so many questions about adoption...and offer lots of opinions (some quite good) yet you are not an adoptee, not a PAP or an adoptive parent...nor lost a child to adoption..or a foster parent, as you have stated some time ago. I know you have every right to jump in any place on Yahoo Answers...still I am curious as to why you are so obsessed??? about matters of adoption. I'll probably be reported for this and receive a 'violation notice' from the Yahoo Answers Authorities!! But I am very curious.

As for your question....and since you have given birth to your own children...you were 'tested' for drugs when you were admitted to the hospital to give birth...that is standard procedure today. To answer the bond question...since you have given birth to your own children..I would think that would answer that question for you....naturally!

Sophie

Wherever he child is going should have the homestudy.

I had to take lots of medical tests some probably were drug tests or tests that could determine if drugs were in my system as well as whatever they were supposed to test for.

I don't know what tests natural parents have and why they'd be required to do so unless there is som sort of history with an indivdual.

I bonded very well with my 8 month old baby. It did come naturally for me, too.

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