Should nineteen and twenty year olds choose dual parenting or adoption?

Crucio

Well for starters you both would have to get some type of employment this is not negotiable. If you are receiving state help (welfare) you still need and should have at least some type of part time job. Having a baby regardless of ones age is most often going to require sacrifices. You could try having your classes at different times if that is possible, certainly you might have and need a class that is only available at a certain time.

You need to sit down with your girlfriend and talk this all out. Adoption has to be agreed by both biological (legal) parents. You will need to talk about the sacrifices you will have to make to be young parents in college. Things you planned could just take longer or sometimes plans chance. For example if one of you can cut back your school schedule it may take you longer to graduate but you would still graduate whether you finish school in two years or four more years. You could also look to see if any classes you need are available online to take or via telecourse many campus now offer some classes like that. Is there someone (relative or close friend) who could take guardianship of the child for a few years? This could be an option for you all.

You will hear good and bad about adoption. This is only a decision that you and your girlfriend can make. Do you all want to keep this baby? When it comes down to it either you do or you donâ€™t. If you decided adoption is the right option for you all then please do not select an adoptive family for the baby until after the child is born. Please understand that adoption is a forever situation once your rights are terminated and the reclaim period has passed if your state has one you can not get your natural child back even if things are looking up for your 3 or 4 years later. Open adoption are not legally enforceable in most states

Jennifer L

Where there is a will, there's a way. There are resources out there for young parents/students, including government assistance and Medicaid for insurance.

Being a young parent doesn't mean that your own dreams need to be abandoned, but depending on your situation, they may need to be delayed.

It really comes down to taking a hard look at your situation and evaluate your priorities.

My husband and I were young parents, sixteen years ago. We are now married 15 years, three children and both of us are college educated professionals. Did we end up doing what we'd set out to be, after high school? No. Our career plans needed to change because our priorities changed. But we don't feel "cheated" or that we "abandoned our dreams."

Lori A

You scout around for programs that help with day care, even some colleges have day care on campus.

You adjust your schedules so that one is always available to care for the child.

Get the child signed up for medicaid so you can use the free clinics.

Get on Wic and any other programs that will feed this child.

Buy cloth diapers and wash them out the old fashioned way, tons of money saved there.

Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. One day you will look back and either be proud of your selves for hanging in there and making it all work, or you will realize that if you had hung in there you both would have made it, still graduated, still got the jobs you wanted and could have still had your child with you. A few years of tightening the belt and being resourceful is nothing compared to the 30 years or more without your child in your life. Not to mention the damage your going to do to the child.

manda_jns

This is a serious situation, I thought I would give you support by saying my husband and I had my son young and I had to postpone my education. He is ow 3 and I have been going to school for the past year. My husband works full time and I work part time plus school work. It is a lot but where there is a will there is a way. In considering adoption you are considering your child instead of yourself and that is wonderful. Nine months doesn't seem very long but it is plenty of time to get everything in order if you try really hard and have lots of support. At the end of your discussion together whatever seems to be best for your child is the best thing to do. Make sure to include your families in this process. Their support is really important. Good luck in your decision.

Opedial

Why all or nothing? Why not postpone your dreams, maybe one of you can go at a time? I think you have to look at long term goals, and wonder if that career exactly the time you want it will be more important to you than the child you would be abandoning.

Also, having no money does NOT produce children who are mal-adjusted. That is incorrect.

Sarah

You would do okay. Just be a bit more careful with how you spend your money. See if your family members/close friends will help you out babysit etc. Also, it's important that both of you agree on whatever you decide on. It's not fair on either party to be selfish.

If she wants to keep the baby, then it's her right, and if that is the case, are you willing to stick it out with her or not // It's important that you put the other person's feelings into consideration.

See a social worker and ask about what government assistance is available if you choose to raise the child. And also read up on adoption as well. It is best to be informed about both sides.

No one can really tell you what the best decision is. What's their best decision, might not be yours.

If in the end, after it all, and you both agree on adoption, then so be it.
Just remember, once adoption is carried out, you can't turn back. (As cruel and selfish as it seems) if you try parenting out and really can't cope then at least you know that you tried. Instead of always wondering whether you could have done it in the first place.

kidmindi

I had my first at 19 and parented her and I have never regretted it. There is financial help available as well as help for child care expenses.

Remeber you won't always be young poor college students, but you will always be this child's parents (even if you place it for adoption) Someday you may both regret your decision.

It will be a lot harder with a baby, but you CAN do it.

Jade

I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 19 and we recently lost a child last month to "open adoption". I can assure you that adoption isn't a good option. There are so many organizations willing to help. Medical help is available. Don't let those factors make up your mind for you. It's possible to get a job. My boyfriend is a full time college student and works 2 jobs. He has a 3.8 gpa. I work and have a full ride. I thought it was giving a baby a better life, but in all reality it is the biggest mistake I have ever made. They left and we haven't heard from the parents since. I am currently fighting to get him back, but I can't undo this huge mistake.

Sufi

you would have to take responsibility and delay your own dreams and future education. until your dream is to have and raise a kid, i think adoption is a good option. however it may have emotional and psychological impacts on your gf that you don't understand right now. because it's inside her body and there are a lot of chemical impacts. basically it's your responsibility and it's her choice what to do.

alliam

Having a child does not mean giving up your dreams of an education. I know several people, my sister included, who go to college full time and have children. Yes, it is harder than going to school without those responsibilities, but it is not impossible.

As for not having insurance, if she is pregnant she qualifies for Medicaid which will last all throughout her pregnancy and several months after. (I don't recall exactly how many months after, but a few because my sister had it)

I don't see why you can't get jobs and be in college. I am a full time student and a full time worker and have been since I began college years ago. Obviously, you can't work full time when you have a child, well, both of you couldn't, but you could still work a substantial amount of hours.

There is a lot of government assistance out there that will help you with daycare costs (almost completely paying them), rent if need be, food, and formula. You can also get insurance for the baby and the mother.

This isn't even something you will have to deal with for long because it won't be too long before you are both out of college and have higher paying jobs.

A lot of people here are so anti-adoption because a lot of adoptions are 'unnecessary' and a child spends a lifetime wondering where he/she came from and parents spend a lifetime wondering about the child they gave up.

IDK!!

"If we choose to parent, how would two college kids with no jobs go about raising a well-adjusted kid without abandoning our own dreams and future education?"

Guess you just need to decide what's more important...huh!

Binka

I hate how people are anti adoption. I'm adopted and I take great offense when people say its a terrible thing. Just think about it
Adoption=chance at life
Abortion=nothing
With adoption you have a chance at a education and a good job so when you do get pregnant again you can provide for the baby. Your baby won't have as good of a life if you keep him or her because you cannot provide anything for it and its education will be hindered. Like I said before, I was adopted and I have a wonderful life and I love my adoptive parents so much. I would be either sitting in a testing tube or be dirt right about now if my mother had decided to abort. Give you child a chance at life since both of your parents did the same for you.

itsmissbroadway2u

If you choose adoption, you would be giving your child a loving home with most likely 2 employed parents that could make their childhood a happy one. Adoption is not a bad thing. If you don't feel that you could give your child the childhood that they deserve, then adoption is a great choice. You could even do an open adoption, where the birth parents can still be involved in the child's life, even though they are not the legal parent of the child. Many couples are open to an open adoption.

If you choose to be a parent, you will have to get a job. You can't support a child with no money and your families can't support you forever, especially if the economy is hitting them hard. You will have to be the financial supporter of it. If you feel like you could do this, then parenting is your answer.

Good luck with everything!!

Ang

im sorry i misunderstood your question - i am a dope.

you should try for an open adoption - it would be where you and your gf would still be able to visit and be in your child's life - many couples who cannot have children are more than willing to work that out

also, you would not have to worry about medical insurance because the adoptive family would pay for your medical expenses if you find one while she is pregnant

good luck, god bless, and im sorry for my previous answer! i thought you were looking to do the adopting

Curious Clementine+Tessa R Cute!

addoption would be healthier if your young like 19 or 20

(celestial) baby due July 17

Adoption is an act of love. It is how many families all over the world are made to be complete. Good for you for considering it instead of abortion.

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