Should open-adoption contracts be enforced and how?

somebodyznobody

YES! I was 6, when adopted, so I knew exactly who my mother was/is. We were promised 'open' adoption, which adoptive mother gloated about later, she never had any intention of the adoption being open. That sort of behaviour should be punished, with fines and jail time unless the adoptive parent can prove it is, in the child's best interest.

I felt, with her lies, I'd been tricked and stolen. Made to endure a situation, with no power or rights of my own.

5littlemonkeys

Yes,

Freckle Face

Hi MamaKt,

Open adoptions should be enforceable by law. I like Jennifer L.'s idea along the lines of custody agreements. It is my opinion that in most cases open adoptions are what is best for the children involved. I also find it deplorable that some aparents close open adoptions.

Santa's Lil' Helper

Yes they should be equally enforceable on BOTH sides.

I am sorry but I am not really sure how to enforce them...I am sure someone on here has a creative suggestion. Possibly stop future adoptions if a family fails to honor agreements from the first. I am not sure how you can make the first family keep contact.

I think it is important for the children to be granted what THEY were "promised" by all the adults. Maybe adoptive parents and first families need to stop thinking in terms of children and rather what they plan on saying to an adult some day. Maybe that would cause them pause and stop folks on all sides from putting their own needs before these children.

39 Weeks Pregnant!

I belive so. If Adoptive parents tell the birthparents that they are entering into an open adoption together, then they should have to follow that unless the Bparents do something crazy.

If my daughters A-parents ever dissapeared, or closed the adoption I would be devestated. There needs to be laws giving birth parents rights.

monica

my husband signed his son over after the woman gave him up for adoption. he was promised a open adoptions as far as pictures and updates. but he married me soon after it happened . i have sent pictures and letters off numerous times, and only got one response and that was at the begininng. i think they might of felt threatened somehow cause we too now have a child and a house and so on.... i think they should be punished, cause you can never put urself in the place of the parent giving the child up.

mommy2squee

absolutely.

They should have the force of any written custody contract in the courts.

They should be enforceable by all parties (including the child!), and written with the minimum acceptable contact in mind. It ought to be far easier to open an adoption more fully than it would be to restrict or cut contact.

Non compliance with the contract should be punishable with fines, supervised contact, and possibly the removal of the child.

Changes in the contract should be able to be done through a mediator, or the courts.

Doodlestuff

Absolutely, they should be enforced just as visitation by split up couples should be enforced. Jail time and fines.

Jennifer L

I've been trying to come up with how open-adoption contracts would be enforced, or even if they are enforcable. The closest thing I can come up with is something similar to a custody arrangment, except with contact between the adoptive family and the first family.

Caveat being that both parties spell out, in black and white, the conditions and terms of the agreement, specifiying what they are comfortable with and what they are not comfortable with, so that there are no surprises. If both sets of parents are able to keep good boundaries and open lines of communication, I think it can work.

ETA: I think it is very wrong for adoptive parents to promise an open adoption, then not keep their word.

babywait

This question appears to be a simple clear cut question but it is not. First off let me say I believe that PAP should only agree to open adoption stipulations that they will DEFINITELY follow through on. You must keep in mind open adoption is a spectrum, there is no ONE way to create an open adoption. I believe what ever stipulations are agreed on they should serve the needs of the adoptee, PAPs and BPs. And I believe the stipulations should be personalized to each situation. I have a number of friends who have had open adoptions (6) and they each have different levels of openness. One thing I have found is that in 4 of those 6 situations the Bmom has disappeared from contact (email, snail mail, and cell phone) within 6 mos to 2 yrs after birth. All 4 of those friends are saddened by the loss of the Bmoms in the adoption triad. BUT I feel it is the Bmoms right to protect herself emotionally if she needs to. The Bmom can come back to each of these families and they will welcome the contact. But a question such as you make could lead to "enforcing" the Bmom to have contact that she is not ready for at the moment. Now on the flip side an AP family should NEVER promise (visits, calls, letters or photos) if they are not truly comfortable with it. And I do believe that should be enforced as the lack of contact does not stem from protecting from mental/emotional anguish like the Bmom could be experiencing. But the question also begs the answer how do you enforce it??? As it is a civil contract there would be breach of contract so would there be fines levied? Would there be orders for specific performance (the agreed upon action forcefully enacted)? There would not be a criminal case actionable on this contract. And finally what if the Bmom or BPs have a contract with agreed upon visits or communication with the adopted child and those BPs are somehow inflicting harm on the child (by exposure to drugs, alcohol abuse etc) what to do then??? So your question is very general and open to MANY different scenarios. For me I believe an BP should not be "forced" to do more than they are emotionally capable of despite any contract saying differently. AND barring any negative impact on the child by contact with BPs the APs should be held accountable for living up to the terms of the contract. I just am not sure how that should be done, what court system would preside and what the punitive measures inacted. Good question it is very thought provoking.

LindseyTaylor

No, it shouldnt. As far as visits and calls, adoption is a thing that you do to give your baby a better life, you might also have to sacrifice the pain of not seeing her as much as you would like or not at all. Adoptive children should have a life as normal as possible, and the parents should have the opportunity to just be parents without all this forced convo and awkward visits.

Bottom line...dont choose someone who you will not do what they say they will. period

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