Should or Shouldn't I?

My stepdaughters mother asked me a month ago to adopt her daughter. My stepdaughter lives with me and her bilogical father and we have custody. The mother is in and out of her life and is never there for her. She told me that she wants to do this because she should not have to pay child support on a child that she does not see, even though she is the one who choose to move away. But she still sees her other daughter that she had with another man and she does not have custody of her either. She sees and talks to her on a regular basis and send her stuff and birthday cards and everything. But she ignores my stepdaughter. Should i just allow her to sign over her rights and just walk away, or should i go with it and adopt her. She is 8 years old and will always no the truth either way. But what should i do?
Additional Details
Ok, you requested more details here you go. I have been in her life for 5 years, she has lived with us for a little over a year. We went through hell to get custody of her and it took 2 years and a lot of money. But it was well worth it. I want to adopt her because I know I can give her a better life than what her "mother" can. I love this child as if she was my own, in fact she is mine. Living with us she is the oldest out of 3. I have 2 other daughters that love her dearly. Her "mother" asking for me to adopt her was a gift from God. I just worry about down the road her "mother" trying to come back into her life.

Esmerelda

Adopt her. Don't even hesitate. Her mother has already proven she will never be a permanent, stable part of her daughter's life. You are the mother she knows. She needs you!!!! Besides, children are smart. Your stepdaughter already knows on some level who really loves her and is her "mother". Biology only creates the opportunity for motherhood - it doesn't make us real "mothers". Only our actions do that and it sounds like you've been her real mom for a long time already. Good luck!!!!

sarah d

this isn't a cool question.Do you consider her to be your daughter? You dont say anything about your feelings for her or how you feel about it which is how you should really decide.
why do you want and/or not want to adopt her? Do you want to adopt her? Do not care either way? give people more information if you want good advice :)

D and G Gifts Etc

Please adopt her. Forget about the "Mother". This child needs to know that she is loved. Don't make it about the child support. Make it about the kid. Can you even imagine the pain that she is feeling or will feel knowing that her so called "Mother" was more concerned about paying child support than having a daughter. You are this childs Mother. Good Luck to you and your precious daughter. You have a long road ahead of you repairing the damage that her "Mother" caused.

[â™¥]Cappie[â™¥]

adopt her obviously her mom doesn't care about her and therefor doesn't deserve her

Shelley

Far be it from me to be a bad guy, but I think it says alot that you're even asking. If it was right, you wouldn't be wondering.

The child deserves a mother who loves her. She obviously doesn't have one in her biological mother. If you love the child, adopt her. If you do not, then don't. She may withstand the rejection of one without terrible lasting effects, but you don't need to do the same. If you're wondering, then don't until you're sure.

354gr

What does your husband think? I think he should be the one who decides with your consent. My personal opinion is that this girl needs a mom and dad who love her. And, that you and your husband can provide this, I hope. If you cannot give her this life. What kind of life is she going to have? I feel bad for her. I don't think you can count on that mom of hers but she should stay in contact with her. If she doesn't that's going to do a lot of damage especially if she sees her other daughter. You might want to sit down and talk to her mom about this issue.

Parakeetalisouse

nope
i like kids
but owning one is hell

Angela R

If you legally adopt her then you will be considered her parent, the mother will have no legal rights to her. She would only be able to "come back into her life" if you allow her to or once the child is 18.

yodie

Yes u should adopt her, i was in the same situation. Except my daughter was 10 at the time and me and her dad had her since she was 1. Her mother is in and ouy of jail she also have 7 other kids and yes jus like that "mother" she does the same. Never calls or writes but she calls the other kids all the time and writes them. So i say yes u already been more than a MOTHER than her real "mother". She is going to come to a time her in life wen she wants to deal with her or not anyway. Then wen she do and she chooses not to deal wit her then thats on her in her eyes u r her mother also. But for now her "mother" is doing no wrong to her as far as she knows, unless shes a smart 8 yr.old and can tale the difference. So for her best interest in life YES adopt that baby and in the end she will recognize u as always there for her no matter what she goes thru in life. Ur heart is in the right place so let that so called "MOTHER" sign her over to u and ur husband.

Hope things go well for u and ur family god bless and good luck.

Erica N

I would say adopt now before this lady changes her mind, but keep her in her daughters life. Let her come for birthday parties and such, you're still the guardian so you'll be making all the decisions. Also, if (God forbid) your husband passed away this little girl would stay with you and not go back to her mother.

Important

I have to say that this is a very complicated situation. I would go ahead and adopt your step-daughter, if the mother is willing to allow that and you and your family love the child go for it. The hard part is the future, you have valid concerns, but I would sit down with your step-daughters mother and find out exactly what she wants out of this whole thing.

I know that you said that the mother is not really a contributor to the daughter's life, but I would still give her updates and let them visit. It sounds like she is more happy with being by herself. In a few years if the mother tries to come back and take her back remind her of her feelings and comments. Also, allow your step-daughter to make the decision of who she would like to stay with.

Good luck!

ladybmw1218

She can't sign away her responsibilities (child support) without you adopting. If you adopt her, you will be the legal mother, and she will have zero parental rights.

You, as the parent, can then choose to allow visitations if you wish, just as you do with other relatives.

drtabby2b

Ask the little girl what she wants! She is 8 and that is well old enough to understand what's going on. My "dad" (was a step father) adopted me, but he waited until I was 5 so that he could ask me if I wanted it. I remember my "adoption day" very well and is one of my best memories. So if she wants to do it... do it! It really has nothing to do with anyone but her.

BPD Wife

This is really a personal choice that only you can make, but it seems from your "edited" portion of your question, you already know what you want to do. It's sad that the bio mom wants to do this to get out of paying child support. But that just goes to show the type of mom she must be.

If you adopt her, you will have all legal rights to the child, so that you won't have to worry "as much" about the bio-mom trying to come back in her life because she will not have a "right" to do so. As it is now, if she still has parental rights, she can come back at any time and "change her mind". If that makes sense.

Good luck to you.

i, the star

DO IT. i myself am adopted. if i hadn't been adopted by my parents i may not be alive right now. you never know if in the next few years to come her "mother" could turn around and say something to break her heart. who know's what's going on inside her "mother"'s head, but one day all the neglection will get to her and she will feel WORTHLESS. that's how i felt. TRUST ME. you could SAVE HER LIFE. and you love her. make the right choice. this opportunity is a gift from God. take care.

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