Should you tell your child that she is adopted?

BLW_KAM

Beyond the shadow of any doubt, yes. It is our job as parents to prepare our children for their future. What message are we sending if the foundation of their lives is based on a lie?

Our daughter has known since before she was old enough to understand.

Heather B

Yes of course. Secrets and lies in families are toxic

aloha.girl59

Yes, always. Don't wait. Talk about adoption from the first minute your child lives in your home. Talk about her first parents in a respectful way and let your child know that she can come to you with any questions because you will answer her honestly.

I adopted my son when he was 2-1/2. I have talked about his first mother often and his adoption has never been a secret from him. He is 8 years old now and he mentions his first mother and siblings on occasion because he knows it doesn't bother me or hurt my feelings. I think that's healthy.

Lucy

yeah from an early age so it will always seem normal from them. It's too much to take it when they get older, they will feel like they have been lied to etc...

There are loads of books to read with kid that helps you go through everything in a way that they understand.

Laurel J

Unequivocally yes. We hide things that are shameful, and people who lie about something this important can be reasonably expected to lie about other things. Therefore, when the child finds out (and s/he will), s/he will feel betrayed, lied to, and ashamed. Could you ever trust another human being if you found out those who love you most lied to you all your life?

I can't believe anyone is still seriously asking this question.

kateiskate

Yes. Adopted children should always know that they are adopted. It would be wrong to keep someone's origins from them and also wrong to lie and make them believe they are someone they are not.

Anha S

Yes. In every situation, as early as possible.

Angela R

Yes, they definetly have the right to know, and it's best to tell the child from the very begining.

monkeykitty83

Definitely, for three reasons (at least.)

1.) That is the child's background and heritage, and he/she owns it. It's not the parents' to keep from the child. Even if it involves painful truths, the parents don't have the right to keep truths to themselves that don't belong to them.

2.) Lies and deception don't make for a healthy family. Well-intentioned lies erode trust too. Families need to practice gentle but honest communication, if they want to have a successful relationship between them.

3.) Many children who aren't told they are adopted just somehow "know"... and by the time they reach adulthood, pretty much all of them will have found out some other way anyway (finding a document, a relative lets something slip, etc.) It is far less damaging to the child or adult to have been told all along, than to find out shockingly and have the extra burdens of hurt and deception to carry.

Children need to be able to trust their parents, and part of that is the parents telling the truth. They should tell it in an age-appropriate way (for instance, the three year old should know he was adopted, but not at that age that he was a product of rape,) but with an eye to sharing the truth when the child is able to handle it, not hiding it. Adoption shouldn't be a shameful secret.

daisy

Yes.

LaPri

Yes because if you tell something different it would be a lie.

Torrejon

Of course!

If you choose not to tell her, you should be prepared to offer her a reason for that omission when she is a 40-something adult adoptee like me. Secrets always have a way of sneaking out.

Mei-Ling

You cannot hope to have a true, honest relationship based on a lie - even by omission.

A child should know they are adopted. Always. Even if they don't show interest in their origins, honesty is always best.

So yes, they should know. Age-appropriate conversations are the way to do it.

Nameless

Yes, to do otherwise would be to lie to your child about one of the most life changing events of their life.

myst1998

um....YES. It is never a good thing to LIE...

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

Yes!!

yeahright

YES!!!!!

Hermione

YES!!! They will find out sooner or later and the later they find out the harder it is to deal with, look into "late discovery adoptees" and find out what a can of worms they have to deal with. To hide the truth about adoption also implies that it is something to be ashamed of and kept hidden and thats really not helpful to the adoptee either - honesty is always the best policy.

Heather

Yes, a child has the right to know their history. You should tell them when they are young so they grow up knowing this. It would be awful to find out something this important when you are older.

kidmindi

YES YES YES!!!!! My parents did'nt tell me and when I found out it turned my world upseide down

SJM

Is she adopted?

If she is, yes you should tell her. Absolutely.

Dayle

Yes, it is their right, to know they are adopted.

wifeandmom

YES YES YES. Tell them everything. It becomes a bed time story and grows with age. There is sadness in the story but also happiness. Never take away a children's first family information. That is part of them.

Rowan

yes. honesty is the best way to go. Depending on his/her age, the details may have to be left out until they are a little older and able to understand more, but yes, they should be told.

icehockeymom7

You have absolutely no right to keep that information from your child. That is her history, not yours, and you are not allowed to take that away from her. My daughter is from China, so it is obvious she is adopted just from appearances, because my husband and I are Caucasian. But even if she were Caucasian and adopted in the U.S. as a newborn, I would have no right whatsoever to keep that from her. That is what has caused so many adoptees to become adults and have identity crises and hate their AP.s (rightfully so) and hate the world. It is absolutely, 100% wrong (and in my opinion, abusive) to keep that information from your child.

Mike

You should tell when she is young, and tell her/him gently. If she/he starts crying remind her of the good times you guys had and share them with your child.

fatpiggies08

Yes, I think that it's important. I just don't know what to tell you,
like if you should tell the child at an early age or later when she's old enough to hear it. I mean if you tell the child when they are young, it's a little harsh. The child might be confused, and while growing up she might feel isolated from the family, different. You don't want her to feel like that, you want her to be exactly just like your real child. Though at the same time, if you tell the child when they are in their teen years, they might hate you. Hate you for lieing to them, for deceiving them for so many years. So I guess the question is what do you think is best for her? What is the situation? Is she strong enough? Your decision now. I hoped that I had helped you in some way. Good luck, and I hope that everything will work out beautifully. She will one day grow up to be thankful that you adopted her. =)

Skool boy

it depend on the situation but for the most part i say yes because they should know who their real parents are?

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