Snappy Comebacks to Rude Questions About Adopted Children?

baystreet690

How much did they cost? -- obviously more than your education.
Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean? -- they are a real family, if you know what that means.
Why didn't their REAL parents want them? --their real parents are really with them, and if your real parents really did their job you'd know the answer to this question.
Are their real parents dead? -- do I look dead to you?
Why didn't you adopt white babies? -- well, I'm actually Korean but my face was disfigured in a rice picking accident
The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they? -- you tell me, you seem to be the cheap expert here
Do you have to feed them a lot of rice? -- are you feeding yours a lot of baloney?
Do they know they're adopted? -- they know they are loved.
What do you know about their REAL parents? -- they are sick of stupid questions.

JoHn S.

How much did they cost? ----

'Not much with the coupon...'

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean? ---

'Just like the imitation crab meat, it's hard to tell.'

Why didn't their REAL parents want them? ----

'Their real parents do.'

Are their real parents dead? -----

'Why do we look pale today?'

Why didn't you adopt white babies? ----

'Why didn't you give birth to AA babies?'

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they? ---

'No, their diapers, baby food and clothes cost the same as our neighbors.'

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice? -----

'Yeah, it's amazing, I tried to wean them off the rice, but they started speaking Spanish.'

Do they know they're adopted? -----

'Well, they do NOW. Thanks.'

What do you know about their REAL parents? ----

'They don't like silly questions.'

a healing adoptee

I'm adopted and as i got older people would ask me stupid questions. So here goes my reply's.
Q) How much did they cost?
A.) Well, they were on sale, Buy one get one free. ( i used this to respond to someone when they aske me how much i cost! I told them i was at a discount price!! lol)

Q) Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean?
A) I have no clue what you are saying? Do you speak English?

Q) Why didn't their REAL parents want them?
A) Again, I don't understand gibberish!

Q) Are their REAL parents dead?
A) I'm sorry are you brain dead?

Q) Why didn't you adopt white babies?
A) Their not white!(say this with a little gasp and your hand to your heart) I knew there was something different, i just couldn't put my finger on it!!!

Q) The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?
A) Look at them like they are the stupidest person in the world and walk away.

Q)Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?
A) That's not what the directions say. Or look at them like they are dumb and walk away.

Q) Do they know they're adopted?
A) Look at them in disgust and walk away.

Q) What do you know about their REAL parents?
A) Say "hold on a minute I'll ask them for you."- and then go in to open dialouge with yourself!! Asking yourself questions and answering them in different voices!!

I have gotten plently of stares growing up because my parents are white. I have had the dumbest questions asked! It gets to the point sometimes when you just have to get up and walk away or pretend you don't hear them.

freetrinity

answer, 'what, are you writing a book?' to any of the above

TIna

We've faced some of those questions about our adopted daughter, though not all as she is not from another country and is of the same race as we are. I've found that the snappy combacks don't make anyone feel better, but educating them does.

For questions about "real" parents I respond that she has two sets - her birth parents and her adoptive parents. We are both equally "real". For the one about how much she cost I simply say, "We didn't buy her, we adopted her." When people have asked if she knows she's adopted I say, "Of course. There's no reason why she shouldn't know." For all the others I would simply say that I know they probably don't mean to be offensive, but those questions really are rude and/or hurtful to the children.

I've also watched my daughter's reactions as I've answered these comments in this way. I think it's helped her feel happier and more secure with the way our family is because we're so matter of fact about it rather than defensive. She now answers some of those questions herself -- the same way she's heard us do.

rrrevils

The satisfaction you get from searing one liners will be short-lived and generally not a good lesson for your children to learn.

I applaud you for taking children into your home, to love and share your life.

When someone comes to you with questions you don't care to ask, just smile and say "thank you for your interest....have a blessed day". I think they will get the message.

love my baby

I have no comebacks for this, I am just blown away that people are that ignorant to ask those kind of questions. My niece is adopted & a few people have asked stupid questions in the past, but I can't imagine that kind of questions. How do you keep from snapping their necks?

Donna B

People ask me these types of questions, and lots more - we have several different races of children in our family. Most of the time they ask me if I'm babysitting, or running a daycare. I just smile and say "nope - they're all mine"! If they press, I just say "they look a lot like their father" - leading them to think I have multiple fathers for my children (which I do!!!). It's really funny when my husband is with us - they look at him like "poor fool - I wonder if you know how many times your wife has cheated on you!".

The worst thing they say is "how good of you to adopt these children" - if they figure it out. I say "they've given us more than we could ever give them". (They are the ones who have been through hell - we are the ones who get to smile and laugh with them every day. We are the lucky ones - NOT them.)

Lots of times someone will speak Spanish to them, but they don't know the language and just look at me like "why are they speaking to me in something other than English?" I just tell the person that they won't be taking Spanish classes until 7th or 8th grade.

We prefer to educate rather than put someone down. However, when other adoptive parents get together, we DO try to come up with some funny comebacks - even though we'd probably never have the guts to really say those things. No one but another foster or adoptive parent "gets it" - sometimes we have a very STRANGE sense of humor - it's what gets us through some tough days!!!

It sure is FUNNY to think about all those comebacks, though- thanks, you've brought another smile to my day!

Emily Hobhouse

Just say "That's personal and my children have feelings, you know."
Sometimes people are rude, although they don't mean to be. I suppose it is curious - you can understand why people like to adopt babies that have some sort of resemblance to them.
But that is no excuse for such rudeness.

its_rhea_peea

How much did they cost?
-I really can't think of a good comeback to this that is appropriate for this website.

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean?
-They eat together, bicker with each other, love each other, look out for each other, and are growing up together.
Yes. They are REAL brother and sister.

Why didn't their REAL parents want them?
-We did.

Are their real parents dead?
-No, we are quite alive.

Why didn't you adopt white babies?
-Didn't I?
-Why?
-Because I fell in love with them.
-Because THESE are my kids.

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?
-List of the price of the attorneys, the adoption agency, the plane tickets, the cost to feed them each week, the cost to clothe them, everything.
-No... they require just as much love.

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?
-...just say yes.
-Feed them?!
-Anything will suffice to this moronic question.

Do they know they're adopted?
-Would you?

What do you know about their REAL parents?
-I know that their REAL parents took one look at them and knew it was a match made in Heave- and went on a (however long it took) journey to get them into their family.
-I am their real parent.

I'm planning on adopting from Korea and China... I can't wait to have to embarrass the heck out of people who ask such rude and idiotic questions. Let your kids give them some remarks as well.

Bellavita

Q: How much did they cost?
A: Ever hear "if you have to ask, you can't afford it"?

Q: Are they REAL brothers and sisters, you know what I mean?
A: No, they're actually wooden puppets. We've got an appointment with the Blue Fairy next month.

Q: Are their real parents dead?
A: (Look at each other) Uh...no, not unless your definition of dead differs vastly from mine.

Q: Why didn't you adopt white babies?
A: What, and deprive some nice neo-Nazi couple of a healthy baby? That would be selfish!

Q: What do you know about their REAL parents?
A: (Take out your driver's license) Well, let's see... Jane Smith, 5ft 5 inches, brown hair, blue eyes, resides at 123 Main Street...

Ri B

Turn it around somehow so its THEM that get embarrassed. Ask how much they paid for theirs, ect.

Noah's Mommy & Marine Wife.

Simply tell them it is none of their business.

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkidsâ™¥â™¥

Q) How much did they cost?
A) THEY didn't cost anything. Are you not aware that human beings are not for sale?

Q) Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean?
A) Well, they all seem real enough to me, how about you?

Q) Why didn't you adopt white babies?
A) We didn't put in a take-away order, we adopted children.

Q) Why didn't their REAL parents want them?
A) Their natural parents story is just that. Their story. It's nobody else's business.

Q) Are their real parents dead?
A) See answer above.

Q) The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?
A) Really? I didn't realise you were so well researched and educated on internation adoption policy. Great!

Q) Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?
A) My children have a varied and balanced diet, including all varieties of food. How about yours?

Q) Do they know they're adopted?
A) Well if they didn't all they'd need is a mirror.

Q) What do you know about their REAL parents?
A) We know quite a lot about ourselves, and we're also lucky enough to know a lot about their natural parents (whether or not this is true).

Jennifer S

Why stoop to their level of integrity or intelligence?? My favorite thing to do to people who don't realize that they've said something stupid, is to just stare at them for a moment with a blank look on my face...............then just walk away.

Course, if you really want to give them an answer........just ask them how long it took for them to get ignorant or stupid---which ever works best for you. Then walk off.

rayvensklaw

do they eat alot of rice.... they suppose to eat i wish someone would have told me

what do you know about there real parents/ are they dead... im the real parents.

how much did they cost..ther'e priceless

do they know there adopted... no there deaf and dumb what do you think

y didnt the real parents want them...everybody makes a mistake thats how you got here right

are they cheaper.... why yes but i saved more money by switching to geico

eharrah1

Embarrass them back. Ask them how much they paid for theirs. Congratulations on the new additions. I think you deserve thanks not rude comments. People are naturally curious. The problem is not the questions themselves but how they are worded. Also, nosy questions while they should not be asked at all, should definitely not be asked in front of the kids. They are not old enough to understand what is being asked (except maybe the 9 yo).

georgia_peach

You have alot of great answers to your questions already.
I wanted to ask you a question: If this is "common where you live" then why are they asking you so many questions?

mommy2squee

How much did they cost?
More than a loaf of bread.

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean?
All except this one (patting the air at about your 3 yo head hight) she's imaginary.

Why didn't their REAL parents want them?
Are their real parents dead?
Do I look imaginary to you?

Why didn't you adopt white babies?
The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?
Wow! you really are a bigot, aren't you?!

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?
We have to feed them a lot of EVERYTHING... they're growing like weeds!

Do they know they're adopted?
How do you know my husband's not Asian?

What do you know about their REAL parents?
That we love our kids very much. Do you know just how rude you are?

Orion

How much did they cost? Nothing

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean?
Of Course

Why didn't their REAL parents want them?
Why wouldn't we want them?

Are their real parents dead?
Duh! No your talking to their mother.

Why didn't you adopt white babies?
Why? Do they make them in different flavors also?

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?
No according to our grocery bill they cost alot?

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?
Do you eat a lot of spagetti? (target their ethnicity, pick a food they look like they might eat alot of)

Do they know they're adopted?
What do you think?

What do you know about their REAL parents?
That we've been married for ? years and love them very much.

Starlight

I don't have any answers but I am terribly sorry you have to go through that. People can be so ignorant and so rude! I can't believe that.

Andraya

How much did they cost? (said with true redneck flair) 'Bout as much as that toilet you gots fer a flower box!

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean? Nah, they are kinda like Mr and Mrs Potato Heads, we put them together in the garage.

Why didn't their REAL parents want them? Who told you I don't want them? I'll kick their a**

Are their real parents dead? (pinch your arm and exclaim OUCH) Nope, it appears I am still alive.

Why didn't you adopt white babies? OMG! You mean kids come in designer colours now? NO WAY!!

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?About as cheap as your High School diploma, did you actually eat the whole box of cracker jack?

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice? Do you have to feed your kids a lot of trash?

Do they know they're adopted? No, we told them they were dropped off at the spaceship landing pad in Vulcan, Alberta. (mutter "moron" under breath)

What do you know about their REAL parents? Proceed to start at your birth and give them ALL your details.

cagney

i so feel for you! my daughter is hispanic and we're as white as you get. but people often think she's asian. because that's the popular trend i guess. personally i wanted a human baby and that's what i got, so i'm pretty darn happy. although she's a toddler now and some days i wonder about the human part, lol. i am usually very quick with comebacks, so hopefully i can help. but also be mindful some of these might not work with your older children some things i've responded with don't really work that great when the child can understand what you're saying. i'll try to give you options, lol.

How much did they cost? more than you'll ever be worth...
and love is priceless. but your mother should have spent some money on manners for you i can see....

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean? no i don't understand, why don't you explain yourself and look even more ignorant.

Why didn't their REAL parents want them? why would your parents want you? or as they get older i prefer to say, We love and want them very much, thank you. (you are their REAL parent, unless you're an imaginary person with great computer skills)

Are their real parents dead? Last i checked i was still breathing. and if they say you know what i mean refer back to my answer for that question. it can be added onto most of these.

Why didn't you adopt white babies? cause i think they're ugly, look at you. or if the child is older just simply say well because this is MY child and just happens that they are not white.

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they? ok honestly you can simply walk away, no response, just walk away. or legally i think you can smack them with a stick.

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice? either walk away and don't say anything, or the smacking with a stick would really be justified here.

Do they know they're adopted? What? they're not adopted, and be quiet my husband hasn't noticed the skin difference yet. or for older children. mostly they know we love them and that we're their REAL parents. and that being adopted is part of their history. much like your lack of ability to manage birth control is how your kids got here. do your kids know you can't remember to take a pill?

What do you know about their REAL parents? this is my personal favorite. i will start as close to my conception and keep going day by day of what i remember of my entire life until they go away. if they don't start with as much as you possibly know about you husbands childhood and history. they wanted to know what you knew about their REAL parents. so tell them. :)

and i'm sure you've forgotten my personal favorite~ is she your's? to which i used to say before she understood, well yeah i've got papers and everything on her. we're waiting for her registration though. do you think we should breed her?

or since our daughter was adopted and it's an open adoption~ do you talk to her mother? to which i respond, not too much my Dr. has advised me to stop talking to myself so much, especially in public.

hope those help. if it's a complete stranger and the kids are around simply walking away from rude comments if you can is the best response. this will teach the children that ignorance is best ignored.

good luck to you and your very REAL family!

Liz G

and what would that point be !Star!?

Bouvier

There is one answer that should work if you can simply state it, and walk away.............if they don't get it by this answer, then they never will unless they educate their ignorance...........A coy look with this answer should work.......

When the rude questions are asked.........simply say.....
Why do you ask?...........then walk away........

thelogicalferret

In all seriousness, with the straightest, most honest face you can hold, simply insist they are your birth children. Act astonished and offended that they can't see the resemblance. Then walk away and keep looking at them like there is something really disturbing about their inability to notice such "obvious things". If your out with friends clue them in and have them help, this will absolutely drive anyone asking stupid questions nuts.

i_8_the_canary

"Priceless"
"Adoption makes us all a REAL family, can't you understand that?"
"They couldn't choose their parents, but thank goodness I could choose them!"
"I am their REAL parent now, you are being rude!"
"Don't all babies/children deserve a family? Should we discriminate?"
"Cheap? Your question is cheap, these are children, not handbags!" (I would throw a good long up and down look as if they are totally distasteful too)
"No, that's a strange thing to say, do you only eat one thing?"
"Does it matter to you if they know they are adopted, isn't that kind of a private matter??" raise an eyebrow here if you can
"Their REAL parents? Well my name is ________, and we have one big, happy family." Then just stare, really hard....
And one more for a question not asked yet;
"Well, unlike you, I have a kind heart, and see them as loving children, no matter where they are from. Please respect our privacy."
I find this kind of attitude absolutely awful, parents come in all shapes and forms, some shouldn't be parents, and some, like you should also have wings. Good luck to you and your wonderful, REAL family.

Angela E

Why do you have real in all caps?

Would you consider it more polite if they asked with the proper terminology?

I agree though that most of the questions are rude.
Except I can see how people might wonder if they are biological aiblings...being that all three are Korean.

kaylyn g

adopting is good but giving up your child is ridiculous how could you Carrie something so precious and then let it go!!!!!!!!!!!!

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