So, if 'birthmothers' are lousy pieces of trash, why would anyone want to adopt their children?

SJM

I wonder the same thing. I wish I had the answer.

I guess they don't believe in biology? Well, not until the child is diagnosed with some socially manufactured condition such as ADHD or other such nonsense that couldn't exist if we didn't lock children in small rooms 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and expect them to sit still. Then, of course, it was all because the defective natural parents didn't make a full disclosure on their medical history.

Temperance

Adoptive people (like me) are like Spam. (the meat.) It's prepackaged and you can mold it into any form you'd like. You just need to find a way to cook it edibly...

Peace Everyone =]

Freckle Face

Dear Sunny,

First Mothers are NOT trash, we both know that;) Anyone who thinks this way should NOT adopt.

Yes the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Environment has some influence over biology but i wouldn't under estimate biology.

Children are NOT blank slates. Once again, people who think this way should NOT adopt, please.

MamaKate

Good question.

While the following are not true of MOST people, for some I imagine the reason being one or more of the following:

It is a perfect reason to have NO sympathy, feelings, compassion, etc. for the first parent(s) and therefore have no guilt or issues with separating children from their biological families.
It is an excellent excuse for alienating a child from his or her heritage.
It is a great reason to use for making an adoptee feel "grateful" and ensure "loyalty".
It makes it easier believe that people are "saving" a child from "horrible" bios/country/etc.
It keeps first parents in their places.
It makes it the fault of the child and his/her genes when there is an issue that is hard to handle or fix.
It gives an excuse for why some adoptions are dissolved and does not place any of the fault with the APs.

AGAIN, I am not saying ALL or even MOST people feel like that - these are just some of the reasons I have been given over the years.

snowwillow20

You gave me my chuckle for the day.

Not Adopted

Because they think they can perform a "re-birthing" ceremony which will rid the child of the evil spirits that were passed on by the mother.

monkeykitty83

IMO anyone who would refer to the natural parents of their children that way should not be allowed to adopt.

cantstopLinnyG

Of course they think we are blank slates. My a fam is so brainwashed, they actually think I look like them.
When you bathe your adoptling in kool-aid, it washes the trash from our n moms right down the drain.

Cam

Wow, I've never considered "birth mothers" to be lousy pieces of trash. I don't understand why this keeps coming up here.

ETA: Oh well, never mind. Based on the answer above me I see there are a few who just don't get it.

kitta

transformed into an alcoholic who was abusive and and sold himself at truckstops...like his adoptive parents??

Well, my son worried that I would think that he was like his adoptive parents, who did those things.

What we need are some studies on the number of adopted children who are abused in their adoptive homes. And the murdered ones.

Nurture does matter. My child was severely harmed by adoption.

that never gets out into the media. There is a vast adoption cover-up about all of the abusive adoptive homes.

Laurel J

Blank slates, of course! That's why you gotta get'em while they're young! (-:

On a more serious note, I've seen the nature/nurture debate swap ends many a time in my life. When I was young it really was presumed that nurture was everything. Now we know better.

rachael

well, not all bmoms are trash...we all know that.

and to answer you.....NO THE APPLE DOES NOT FALL FAR FROM THE TREE....im living proof.

my parents tried everything to get me to be like them....i just could not do it....then i found my bmom....wow. everything made sense.

soooo....in theory....IF they are trash and IF the apple doesnt fall far....then i guess that makes me kinda trashy to....meh...im good with that....

Opedial

I can only guess what the mood is like here today!

Of course I don't believe they are lousy pieces of trash, but that said, I do think that I will have a major imprint on the children's life as well as their genetics and history.

My children's First Mom did some really nasty things that some people would call her trash, but I see it as having generations in cycle of abuse and we hope our children will break said abuse.

that said, most First mom's are NOT Like our kids First mom, and get the same label as her. There are many types of mothers who "Give" their children for adoption, but I would never call anyone lousy pieces of trash, oy, who said that?

Rowan

Because not all birthmothers are trash.My bio mom wasnt perfect, but she sure as hell wasnt trash. She was a struggling single woman who was overwhelmed by two children and her own mental issues.

A child is not a carbon copy of their biological parents. While not a blank slate by any stretch of the imagination, a child has its own personality and will.

Therefore, they should not be treated as "bad seed" simply because of their bio parents preceived "mistakes".

Carol c

Sunny and what's curious to me is that even if the mother (which is usually the case) is an upstanding quality person; the minute the adopted child acts out - lots of adoptive parents start claiming their kid has "bad blood". Rarely do they blame themselves or their parenting style or lack of support for their child's adoption issues - just bad blood.

I am ashamed to say that a cousin of mine adopted a child years ago, and gave the child back because she and her dh claimed he must be bf bad blood. He was 12 years old when they did this!!

This was all before that part of my family knew I had surrendered a child.

Looney Tunes

Hmm...I think this is another reason people don't adopt from foster care.

Age, Race, and "piece of trash" genes

cla ro

i don't think that birth mothers are 'lousy pieces of trash' at all.

the majority of people who have put their children up for adopt have a od reason for doing so, often because theya re young, or can't cope, or aren't in a position to look after a child.

they aren't all walking the streets if that's what you mean.

i think on the whole it take a great amount of courage to put a child up for adoption. it's never and easy choice.

i think each person has a chance to be themselves. i don't judge people on thier parents, bio or otherwise. i dont think that kids are 'blank slates' either.

you cant mould a person, you can only guide them. they will ultimately be themselves, just as the were intended.

Philippa

I'm one of those 'lousy pieces of trash' who now has her son living with her. My son has many issues with adoption and the way he was raised even though he didn't want for anything. He had good clothes, food, schooling, holidays, went to uni twice (his aparents paid for everything) yet wasted his time both times so doesn't have even one degree.

His adoptive parents are nice people (they even rather to me as his mother or sometimes natural mother) so I don't blame them unless spoiling him and wanting him to do well in life is a bad thing which it isn't. I just feel sad that he isn't happy and would love nothing more than for him to work through his issues

me.mommie

Whoever said this has problems and like somebody else said shouldn't be allowed to adopt a puppy much less a human being. If this person feels this was they will have problems raising a child because they will show their true feelings, especially when the adopted child acts up and
its bound to happen.

The apple doesn't fall from far from the tree. Genetics trumps every time.

As far as adoptee's being blank slates, this is asinine NO one is a blank slate at birth. They are part of generations of ancestors before them. No matter how a child is raised they will be who they are, and
genetics are there at birth, at conception. NO one can change that, no one.

As far as spoiling an adoptee, any child, its wrong, it creates an ugly person. I think its good to want. NO one needs everything they see, I say if one wants something go out and earn it!

Tilden J.

My daughter is a birth mother, and she is not a piece of trash. She is a beautiful person, with a big heart. She loved her child before he was born, and decided to give him life, not death. By the way, the adoptive parents think she is pretty darn special too. She has an open adoption, and we are all one big happy family. My grandson is a lucky boy, he has two family's, that love him. He will have a wonderful life, thanks to my daughter.

faith

You do not hold the sins of the parents on the children. The mother did one good thing for their child and placed the baby for adoption

Andrea A

Sorry to be blunt but I think your outlook on birthmothers is completely flawed. Not every birthmother is a drug addict or an abusive person. Sometimes a birthmother thinks in the best interest of the child. (just in case you never thought of that) and regardless whether or not the child is an infant or not, they will eventually adapt to their new way of life. Most likley that child wants a fresh start as well. But you need to open your eyes to the world of adoption because your ideas of whats really behind it are really flawed. Under aged mothers, rape victims, financially unstable people, or accidental adoptions. The good thing about all of these women is that they didn't kill their children with abortion.

Santa's Lil' Helper

Just because someone is trashy does not mean their offspring could not be trained to provide adequate maid services. That is very classicist and elitist of you.

Jackie B

Not everybody believes in punishing the child for the sins of the father (or mother) in most cases.

Although the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree", that makes the assumption that the child is destined to be a piece of trash. I think the forces of nature AND nuture are at work here.

Also the assumption is made that all APs think mothers are trash. I've seen enough APs on this board who don't think that at all.

icehockeymom7

Wow, Sunny, I'm sorry you feel your first mother was trash. That's very sad.

AdoreHim

Birth moms are not what you call them. I cannot even put that into words. Birth moms love their children. Just because they cannot raise a child at that moment does not make them bad. I have a mother in law that knew that I was adopted and my hubby and I decided to adopt and some of the comments she made about their birth moms and adoption in general was horrible. With comments like this no wonder women "think" that they do not have any choice besides abortion. SICK!! And for all those birth moms out there, I apologize for ignorance like this.

Maureen S

I am the mother of six adult children, five of them adopted from birth. I have NEVER called the women who gave birth to my children "lousy pieces of trash".

If there are those who make this statement, I would not want them for adoptive parents. Every body has a story attached to their decisions in life and who are we to judge anybody in that way.

I adopted babies, because a baby is a baby is a baby.
All children need love and that is what an adoptive parent, usually, gives. I cannot imagine a person making that statement, being a loving person, in which case it would affect the child in one way or another.

We are what we think, and being insulting and negative means that our lives are negative.

Randy B

Given the fact that children, any children, inherit certain traits from their parents (or have certain things inflicted upon them like FASD and other avoidable conditions) I certainly don't think they are a blank slate however love, caring and attention focused on a child from any parental figure will certainly go a long way towards molding their lives in a positive way.

Kate

To give the child a better path, to help the child be all they can be in life without

Environment plays a stronger role than biological aspects.

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