Surrogacy:Wanting to help or extortion from a couple wanting to have a baby.What is acceptable and why?

Cleobird

For the woman who said surrogates get upwards of $50K, I'm sorry, but that is simply not true.

As a 2x Gestational Surrogate Mother, and an author currently writing a book on the process, it is only 1 surrogate in 5,000 who would ask for or receive that kind of money.

Most surrogates get between $10k-25K, depending on situation and experience, and many do not charge a fee at all.

When you see that $50K figure, yes, the intended parents are paying that much, or more, but not to the surrogate. That amount is to the clinic, the agency, the lawyers, and finally the surrogate.

A surrogacy is NOT like a typical pregnancy. There are months and months of daily hormone injections that the surrogate is required to give herself, there are procedures done that are not common to a typical pregnancy, and the surrogate might be faced with increased testing, multiples, and bedrest that she did not have with her own children. Add to this the nuances of a regular pregnancy, the hormones, the fact that she and her family are giving up a year + of their lives, and you might find that the people being taken advantage of are not the ones waiting for the baby.

Also, for the one who mentioned that the child might be confused over who their real parents were.....um....Gestational Surrogacy is where the intended parents ARE the biological parents of the child. The surrogate is just the oven.

sunny

There would be no 'surrogate' unless it were initiated by an infertile couple.

I think it's interesting that you're 'blaming' the woman/mother. It's always HER fault, isn't it?

Kay G

That is entirely a moral question. surrogacy isn't allowed in all states. I can tell you that I had considered it - and it was not just for money. think of it this way, people have trouble and pay $10,000.00 to try invitro fertilization and the woman gets pregnant, but her uterus can't maintain the pregnancy. what is so wrong about some other woman going through the pregnancy for her asking for a fee of $10,000.00 - pregnancy changes your body and labor hurts - there are also emotional and hormonal affects on the body that could be negative when you have to give the baby you carried to someone else afterwards. your body doesn't understand where the baby is and reacts negatively hormonally. Hope this helps you understand it. Also, I never did it as 2 out of 3 of my children needed surgery after they were born, so I would not have been a good candidate. Also, my blood type is rarer than some (A-).

Lillie

Why is it acceptable to pay someone to farm out their uterus, but it's not acceptable to pay anyone for a kidney, or a lung, or a piece of their liver, or....

Santa's Lil' Helper

Surrogates in the United State can make $50,000 +.

Many American couples are now "outsourcing" baby making and hiring woman in India to be a surrogate. (This was on Oprah a few months ago)

The cost to procure the biological mother's egg and to have the surrogate carry the baby to term is $12,000. With $8000 - $9000 going directly to the surrogate.

God Bless the woman who can do it.....they are truley kind and giving people.

Gershom

I think you're asking the wrong question, what you should be asking the group is...

"how will the baby feel when he/she grows up and knows that his/her mother conceived him/her JUST to give him/her away and was financially compensated for the delivery of child in return?"

But to answer your question, neither are acceptable. Why? a) babies aren't commodities, they're not gifts to be passed around, or conceived with the intention of being given away to fullfill the needs of a childless couple.
Extortion from a couple wanting to have a baby?

My vocabs not too great, so lets look up extort:

a. to wrest or wring (money, information, etc.) from a person by violence, intimidation, or abuse of authority; obtain by force, torture, threat, or the like.
b. to take illegally by reason of one's office.
2. to compel (something) of a person or thing: Her wit and intelligence extorted their admiration.

The surrogate wouldn't be forced ( unless that is she changes her mind and wants to keep the baby, recently a court ruled in favor of the adoptive parents )
nor would the child be taken illegally, surrogacy for reason beyond my comprehension is still legal.
And again, nothing is being done by force for the surro.

HOWEVER, is this all being done against the babies will. Yes, I do believe it is. Because when a child is born he/she wants his mother and his mother only because he/she grew in the womb of his mother and grew to love her as his/her 5 favorite senses. Sound,sight,taste,touch,smell, to intentionally cause and inflict the trauma of separation onto the child is next to child abuse in my eyes. The surrogate is deliberatly traumatising the child to please another couple and make money in the process....
not only child abuse but child exploitation and trafficking in my book.

snoopy

Is this an essay question that you have to do?

I'm not sure what you're looking for, could you elaborate?

Beige Almighty - Goddess of Nada

A lot of you have only the talk show view of surrogacy and thats sad. Time to hear from one who has served as a surrogate. Did it twice and did it for free both times.

I am in a support group for other surrogates andI can tell you that not one woman in the group ever did it for the money. Most do it because they want to help others have children, and a lot of us either never take a dime for it, or take only the bare minimum we have to (to compensate for lost work and having our health needs covered during the pregnancy).

Handled properly between adults, no one gets taken advantage of. The horror stories you hear are about people who are emotionally children and then things go bad and quickly. This is why many of us advocate that before surrogacy happens, both sides have a psychiatric evaluation, as well as counselling during the process.

For the family, there is the fear and doubt that their surrogate may be one of those horror stories. For the surrogate, there is an entire pregnancy spent trying not to bond with the life growing inside us, knowing that a bond will make it harder to give the child up. We are not needlessly traumatizing a child, but we do cause a bit of trauma to ourselves.

My two surrogate daughters are grown women now. They are happy, healthy, and well adjusted. One is a schoolteacher, the other is an artist. Neither was traumatized by being surrogate children. The family was kind enough to keep me informed of how they turned out.

There do need to be overhauls done to the laws governing surrogacy to protect all sides involved, but there is nothing wrong with being a surrogate as long as there is nothing wrong with your motivations for being one.

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