Surrogacy or Adoption? Is there financial help for either?!?

Gaia Raain

http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/

There's some important reading for you.

Surrogacy is highly unethical, and damaging to the child. Being separated from one's mother is extremely damaging to the child, no matter the reason. If you adopt from foster care, at least you will know that in most cases, the child was traumatized in this manner for good reason - and it's free in most states. But if you adopt through any other means, it's really case-by-case. Most other adoptions are unnecessary when you consider the significant trauma caused by separating a mother and child. Please do your research before moving forward. Here are some good books to read:

Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew
Helping children cope with separation and loss
The primal wound
Journey of the adopted self and Still Me (both by Betty Jean Lifton)

Read adoptee blogs, and blogs written by first parents. Stick around here for awhile and see what adoptees have to say. It's no picnic to be separated from your mother. Your infertility problems really don't have anything to do with a stranger's child. No child will be able to replace the one you couldn't have on your own, and that's a huge burden to place on a child anyway. Best of luck to you.

Just a Mom

Foster to adopt

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

If you adopt from foster care (pretty much the only way to adopt ethically) then they are practically free

ETA: Gaia, as usual, has wonderful advice and links, I hope you will check them out. BTW, she is a potential adoptive parent through foster care

Dr. K-C

I can not comment on the surrogacy issue - but to my knowledge there is no financial assistance. The posters who have already commented that foster to adopt is practically free are correct. There is little to no charge to adopt from foster care - though it can be a tough road. We have fostered for 6 years and not one of the children were able to be adopted by anyone. The federal government does offer adopting families around $11,960 tax credit (reducing the amount of tax you pay - if you pay less you get a refund) for a finalized adoption (domestic or international) which means that some of your expenses can be reimbursed.

International adoption is most expensive usually costing between $20 and $30K (primarily travel related and governmental fees) but you would be elgible for the tax credit and there are the possibility of grants etc. for some children - particularly those with special needs. Some companies do provide adoption assistance - between 2k and 10k in some cases. Some of the benefits are increased if you adopt a child with a special need.

Adoption is far more complex than a mere black/white picture would portray. It it true that a child should, if at all possible, remain with the parents that created him/her - HOWEVER, that is not always advisable or feasible. Adoption is about a child having the right to be raised by loving parent(s) and having a family. Orphanages, residential facilties and temporary care (foster etc.) are no way to raise a child to be happy and healthy - they are temporary measures only and believe me the children in that type of care know it for what it is.

Adoption may not be everyone's choice - it should not be anyone's second choice (when all other methods have been exhausted) in building a family - it should be about finding suitable families for children who need them. In that case - there is nothing unethical, illegal or inadvisable in it. It becomes murky when there are issues of what families want vs what is good for children or when a small amount of financial support could enable families to stay to gether . It needn't be traumatic for a child to be separated from birthparent(s) but it does need to be considered as part of a child's history and addressed lovingly and in a healthy manner for the child to be able to grow in a manner that does not discount this significant original loss.

Mei-Ling

The reason agencies charge you so much is because you're giving money in exchange for a human life.

Honestly, I'd discourage you from adopting, because it seems to come across that you want to adopt simply for the sake of "replacing" the ghost child that you are unable to conceive.

Hint: An adopted child can NEVER be the ghost child. It doesn't work that way. An adopted child becomes legally yours, but their DNA, their traits, the basis of their personality and foundation come from their biological parents. No amount of money or paperwork can change that fact.

You might want to do some readings on adult adoptee blogs... because adoption is nowhere near a walk in the park, and if you do it on the premise that you can finally just "get a child", you are very, very mistaken.

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/
http://harlowmonkey.typepad.com/
http://heartmindandseoul.typepad.com/

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

how about.....be happy with the kid you HAVE?

sheesh.

http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/

Independ"ant"

Sorry Meg. If you want to buy a baby its going to cost you.

**born+again**

Allow me to help you! My sister was just adopted from China about 2.5 years ago! I think it costed about $25,00! My parents (and I) say it was worth every penny! The agency we used is America World Adoption Ageny! This agency not only lets you adopt from several countries (russia, china, el salvador etc.) but also has a special needs list. Some included on the special needs list are: elbino, minor heart conditions, down syndrome, dwarfism, etc. As for the help, there is this really great thing called Shohanna's Hope. My parents, luckily didn't have to use it, but it is for financial help for adopting parents. This agency was made by Steven Curtis Chapman (famous Christian singer) and his wife to aide families that were called to adoption but did not have the money. I hope this answer helped. After you adopt, you will be soooooo glad that you did so, and so will the child you are meant to adopt.

Penny P

There are various grants available to help people with the costs of adoption. You can find them all over the internet. Your place of employment may also offer some sort of assistance, you should check it out- I know my employer offers a $5,000 grant to couples who adopt. It can get very costly for sure. You could also check out fostering to adopt in your state. My sister in law adopted three children(siblings) and it was very little cost to them, but it was a loong and difficult process for the adults and the children. The kids were foster children for many years before the adoption went through.

S. Mommy

Well depending on why the doctor told you, you could not have another child.... i would look into it more and see other doctors and specialist because they tell a lot of people this that end up having a baby just fine on there own.

I would do surrogacy if i had to choose between the two but you should do what you feel in your heart is right. I have heard you can do surrogacy for about $60,000 which is a lot of money. Ways i have researched that you can get financial help with this is to have your friends and family get together with the local restaurants and vendors in your area and maybe even try to get the news involved and have a dinner raffle. Sale the dinner tickets for a fee ($20 or whatever) then have there be auctions and raffles while they are there. I have seen this happen in my area and it usually come out good. People usually want to help being become parents. With adoption you can get some grants which usually don't cover the entire fees but help. You can use the same method to help add to your fund and if you adopt from foster care it will be pretty much free. GOOD LUCK!!! :)

Lee

There is some for adoption but surrogacy is really only for those with *lots* of money. Maybe if you had a sister or close friend who was willing to be a surrogate-but then you'd still need to pay for all the medical bills and your health insurance wouldn't cover it.

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