TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL?

My sister is pregnant again with baby number 8. They range from the age of 20 down to due in feb. 2008. Out of all of these wonderful kids she has none of them. She has decided to give him up for adoption for her own selfish reasons.(meaning she does not want him but never wants to see him again) She won't let any of the family adopt him because of it.She "picked" a family from New York as the AP's. She is out almost every night parting. Drinking and drugging is nothing new for her. I know that this family thinks she is this great person doing what is best for unborn son. How ever that is not the case at all.My question is this: Do they ( the adoptive parents to be) have the right to know what she is doing to that poor sweet defenseless little guy or do we just keep quite and pray that he will be ok at birth. Now keep in mind that they seem to be a very nice couple with a lot to offer this child. But on the other hand shouldn't they be given the truth no matter what? I am so torn about this because I know how wrong she is for not putting her habits to rest while she is pregnant but yet if I call these people chances are they aren't going to want him knowing what she is doing to him. I only want this little guy to have a happy loving normal life with good parents and a chance in this world. No child should have to come in to this world without that but sadly that is not the case. I have already raised her oldest daughter and am now raising her troubled 11 year old son. I know what a shitty mother she has been and these are kids she wanted. I can't imagine what life will be like to one she doesn't. Please help me to figure this out...
Additional Details
FYI I am not doing this because I am mad at my sister. I do not like her choices in life but I do love her very much. My only concern here is this little guys future.

And one more thing. Her drug of choice is Meth. Always has been. That is why I had to take away the other children.

sizesmith

Call 9-1-1 the next time she'd drunk or partying! Call your local child abuse hotline, with as much information on her, such as date of birth, social security number, address, where she hangs out to party, etc.

I'm beginning to believe meth is a fertility drug with the number of pregnant women who use it.

Our son's first mom used the day he was born. It's not pretty to watch a child go through the withdrawal. Thank God, it seems to have left him relatively untouched by the drugs, but we won't know until he's grown. It's not fair that the little ones suffer because of the selfishness. I think she should be mandated to be steralized too, along with several other women I know of.

kidmindi

Yes they need to know so that if he has issues from her behavior they can be prepared to get him the help he needs.

PS can you call CPS on her? In some states she can be chared with child endangerment for using certain drugs during pregnancy

Been there Done that

Good for you for speaking up for this baby. Since he has no say, he needs someone to stand up for him. Your sister needs to stop sleeping around (sorry for being mean) and having children. Its not fair to the kids, because they are the ones who get messed up in the end. I would tell her if she did not stop all the drinking and drugs you are going to report her. She needs some tough love. She might resent you for a while, but it is in HER best interest as well as her baby's. If she does not stop, then report her. Start by calling the police or her doctor and see who they recommend you to follow up with.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

if you were to look through potential babies fr adoption on some sites, they list whether or not the mother is using.

i feel they have every right to know. they need to either get out now, or prepare for a possibly delayed child.

Looney Tunes

You know, for the holidays, give your sister an opportunity to get her tubes tied.
PAY FOR IT.

She obviously does not care about herself, but worse yet, she does not care about the INNOCENT children she is bringing into the world.
Drug exposure/alcohol exposure affects children for life....

She is hurting kids and she needs to be stopped.

IDK!!

EVEN if se stops, it needs to be know that he was exposed. It is part of HIS history!

If he has an issues, he deserves the right help.

mom of many

if she is choosing to put her baby up for adoption there isn't much you can do. But if you know she is drinking and partying way too much then call social services. For the baby's sake. They can force her to stop this behavior. while pregnant anyways. I saw a tv show where after a couple warnings, they put the Mom in a jail with a hospital unit till she gave birth.

blondee

I feel for you. We went through a similar situation with my ex niece. She had the good sense to get her tubes tied. WHY hasn't your sister done that, especially if she doesn't want these kids? Frankly, she should be charged with reckless endangerment of a child. And yes, the adoptive parents should be told. They have a right to know what the baby's background is and what they could be facing with the child. There are those special people who will take a child even with special needs but some don't want that burden, and it is understandable. Really and truly, your sister should be reported to child services. I'm telling you that not to be mean, but because she really is a threat to her children, and as you said yourself, they deserve better than that. Every child should be wanted and loved, and protected. You are a good aunt and very loving, I think. Protect them.

BLW_KAM

In my state, any baby born with a "controlled substance" in her/his body is automatically considered a neglected child and the hospital reports the situation to DCFS. The potential adoptive parents will know about it, probably soon after the baby is born. If they haven't had any training on how to help a drug exposed baby, everyone will suffer.

My question is this, if you saw a child being neglected would you report it? If your answer is yes, should this child be any different because she/he hasn't been born yet?

If you choose to report it, consider doing it through proper channels. Either contact your local DCFS or the agency your sister is working through (if there is one.)

The baby deserves a chance at a healthy life.

Crucio

Yes they do have the right to know. This baby could be born with problems and issues as a result of the mother drinking and doing drugs during her pregnancy. Maybe this people will decide not to adopt him but if they donâ€™t feel they could deal with the potential health problems and issues that could be a result of this babyâ€™s abuse in utero well itâ€™s not fair to them nor is it far to this baby. Heck some issues might not even appear until later in life like Learn disabilities. They may say that they want him regardless of any problems that he might have.

I agree with LT paying for your sister to get her tubes tied will be a nice Christmas gift for her and would be sparing an more children to suffer from her abuse while they are in her womb and once they are out too.

â™¥.:Str0nG 4 LiFe.:â™¥

I am so glad that you worry about this child. apparently, your sister is an irresponsible wreck and seriously needs to shape up. You need to inform the adopted parents ASAP. Dont be worried about your sister. if your family wants to adopt, they can go to court. your sister should be damned for life.

Lillie

I smell a troll...

buffer

1st - sounds like she is a bad mother. Adoption is not a bad idea.
2nd- it is not your place to tell the adoptive parents. What will the outcome be? They can't do anything about it. You can't do anything about it. Your sister will probably react by drinking or partying more.

And, lets be honest, you are doing this out of anger. Not to say you do not love that child, but you are mad at your sister and want to hurt her in some way. Loving the child is realizing that, when it comes, adoption is the better boat.

Stacy's Mom

This isnâ€™t your problem and no one will win if you try to make it into your problem. No, itâ€™s not a good situation, but your causing crap wonâ€™t chance your sisterâ€™s behavior.

FYI, the adoptive parents can change their mind when the baby arrives. I hope it doesnâ€™t happen, but itâ€™s not unheard of.

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