The Beautiful Side of Adoption?

Marisa : )

I think adoption is a beautiful process, regardless what others may think.
Yes, there can be pitfalls and travesties, just like anything else on the earth.
However, the whole ripping a child from it's mother doesn't fly with me. In some cases, maybe, but the reality is, those children were put up for adoption for a reason. If a loving, prepared couple wants a baby, why can't they have it? What is wrong with a baby getting the love and parents that he or she may not have gotten elsewhere? Would you rather have them become the children you see in the Feed The Children campaigns, starving to death? Think about it!

I have four internationally adopted cousins, and when my aunt came out of the terminal, holding my new cousin, Liana (from China) in her arms, we were all weaping. It's that moment where your family feels complete. That's a beautiful part about adoption. Or how about their firts steps and words or even smile? If they are older, the first time your child say those three magic words ((I love you))? Even a little kiss seems beautiful.

The Beautiful side of adoption is much larger than the ugly one. Maybe I'm not adopted myself, but at 15 years of age, I recognize both adoptions faults and beauties and will confidently say that the good outweighs the bad. It isn't pretty, or cheap, or for the faint of heart (afterall, it;s for life), but I think it's worth it.

For those who dislike adoption: What do you want to tell couples who can't biologically have their own children? What? Oh! Sorry, you missed the boat? How about those kids who will never say "Mommy" or "Daddy"? The same? It's not fair to deprive the willing and able because of some problems that need to be smoothed out. I know I'm being harsh, but is it really fair to crucify these people for adopting? Aren't there worse crimes?

I applaud you for what you're doing. I can tell you will be a loving, wonderful mother to this child and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Congrats!

a healing adoptee

i'm happy with the life that i have lead so far. especially w/ the support of my adoptive parents! =)

Independ"ant"

I think its beautiful and kind that you are moving to Ethiopia to raise a beautiful Ethiopian child in need.

Congrats! Its more than many a-parents adopting internationally do. Your setting a good example for the adoption community. I'm sure that the drastic change in culture will be tough but it will strengthen your marriage even more.

cruzgirlz3

Well, adoption put me on a certain path. Sometimes that particular path has been tough and being an adoptee has not always easy. But the way I see it, I would not have my husband, my parents, my beautiful kids, my friends....my life...if my bio mother had not made the choice she made. I am extremely grateful for the blessings in my life. I can't wonder what might have been, because I'm pretty happy with how things turned out.

Regina Filange

I adopted a year ago & it's the most wonderful, amazing thing ever. She is the total love of our life.

We still maintain contact with the birth mom, & she receives periodic updates.

I treasure everything about my little girl. She's the most precious thing in my life

You are wonderful - I wish more people were like you. You sound like you'll make a super parent---good luck :)

WHY ON EARTH WOULD I GET THUMBS DOWN FOR MY ANSWER????

Minnimouse

The thing I've realised with adoption for me personally is I never take anything for granted. So in some ways my life has been brilliant and in other ways it has been worse than hell. Sometimes my feelings are so intense about adoption I feel like exploding. I have anger (at the adoption system), deep, resounding sadness and emptyness (from losing my birth parents), confusion (because my birth family know me but are preventing me from seeing my birth mother).
On the other side however, my adoptive parents have a big family and that makes me feel safe, I feel content because I have been given a house and schooling and a fridge full of food, I feel valued when they need my help or they give me gifts, they have given me various opportunities in life such as studying at university.

I believe, beauty, like music or art, doesn't have to be "pleasant" it can be a whole heap of things. It's about accepting how you feel about your life and it's different aspects and not being afraid of them. I have to say, even though I went through hell for 5 months before I was adopted and my birth mother has been hurting for as long as I've lived (I was taken away from her, she did not want to give me up), I think that has made me stronger in some ways. Adoption can be traumatic and has caused me problems, but I have understandings about life that others could not even imagine and because I have had to deal with such strong emotions I have become a very strong person.

Becca

All I have to do is look at my daughter's face or feel her warm hugs to see the beautiful side of adoption.

BPD Wife

We have been blessed by adoption. After trying for years to conceive, my husband and I had pretty much given up hope of having a family. I was absolutely devastated. We had briefly discussed adoption but there were so many "what ifs" and fears associated with adopting "someone else's child". Plus the expense of adoption was too high for us. Maybe someday, but we really didn't see how we were emotionally or financially able to provide for an adoption.

So when a friend called us and said she had someone she wanted us to meet, it was as if God had sent us an angel. Our friend knew of someone who was looking for a couple to adopt their special needs child. The child was already born, the original parents knew that they didn't want to be parents (to the point where they never even brought the child home from the hospital - but allowed the child to stay with other relatives), and needed someone who could provide a loving and safe home. I just felt as though God had sent us a miracle. Here was this little child who needed parents, and here we were ready to provide what he needed. Things just fell into place as we met the family and although we had our share of obstacles during the adoption process, it still seemed as if we had special angels guiding us throughout everything. And I truly feel that the obstacles or challenges we faced during the adoption process only made us stronger parents and ready to fight the "battle" that our son needed with regards to his medical care.

We still have a wonderfully open relationship with his biological grandparents and we have included them as our extended family. They attend our family functions, visit monthly, celebrate birthdays and holidays with us, etc. They feel as we do, that this adoption saved our son's life (because of the neglect and the medical needs that he has). So, in our case, YES - I do believe that adoption can be a beautiful thing.

Does everyone share that experience? Sadly, No. As an adoptive parent, I will be the first to admit that (as with everything in life) there has been a beautiful side AND a dark side to our adoption. When I think of the heartache that the bio-grandparents had to endure throughout this whole process, it breaks my own heart. When I think of the neglect our son suffered prior to and immediately following birth, I get angry. But the fact that an angel was watching over him and created our family - well, yes, I do believe that is beautiful.

Thank you so much for making my morning with this question. I can't wait to give my son a great big hug this morning when he awakes and then call his bio-grandparents to tell them how much I love them. It's a nice feeling this early in the morning for me. : )

furfur

I treasure this incredible human being that i get to raise...she is so smart, funny, and just downright adorable. I treasure all the good times with her like holidays and vacations; but also the times (she is two and a half) she tries me becuase it is during those times she is teaching me how to be more patient.

Good question! Thanks!

Emanon

I am a 41 year old adoptee and as I've grown older I've come to treasure the fact that I was given up for adoption and my wonderful parents wanted me and were able to adopt me.

Once they had my older brother and had my younger sister on the way they decided they wanted to adopt a child of color. I was so lucky I was the one they chose as I was not a child of color, but was already 20 months old at the time. They felt since I was not an infant I would also have a difficult time being adopted.

I treasure the fact that they never gave up on me since I apparently had abandonment issues and the many problems that go along with that. I raised hell as a pre-teen and teen and more than once told them they weren't my "real" parents and I was going to find my "real" parents. They contacted the adoption agency and received information on my bios and let me in on the information. It didn't stop the hell-raising about other things, but it did make me realize how lucky I was to be in their home under their care. It also helped knowing that adoption was not what my bios really wanted, but couldn't find another way and the fact that they cared enough about me to give me to my very loving family.

Sometimes I wish I could contact my bios to thank them and tell them how wonderful my life has been, but I tried finding them and had no luck. I figure I'll just have to wait until I am received in heaven to do that.

Thank you for making the sacrifice to adopt and love another. Good Luck & God Bless!

cAlLy GiRl

My baby sister is adopted. I love her more than anything or anyone I have ever loved in the whole world. She is the most perfect, adorable, amazing, sweet, angelic, kind, loving, and genuine person I have ever known. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her-I love her with absolutely all of my heart. I am so, so glad we adopted her. She was meant for us. If God is calling someone to adopt, they should do it-it will change their life for the better, along with the life of the child they're adopting.

Heather B

I love my adoptive family; they are truly beautiful people.

I still don't like unecessary and unethical adoption - you can never make that beautiful.

chelsea s

You didn't really mention anything about birth parents. Do you think it is beautiful for them too? It can be, but a lot of the time it isn't. I don't regret my decision. I am happy for my son and his adoptive parents, I love them all and I am very close with them. But I still spend hours upon hours of my life wishing I could hold my son, longingly watching every mother and child I see in public, staring at my son's pictures especially the ones with me in them.

Adoption is a wonderful thing, but I just think your take on it is only 2 parts of a three part picture.

ETA-Thanks! =)

AdoreHim

I am very thankful that have been adopted. I was adopted into a small family, but one that loved unconditionally and was always there for me. My mom still is, my dad passed away over 20 years ago. I was so blessed with being adopted, that my husband and I decided to adopt our 2 children. Life is a gift and I am so grateful that my birth mom, and the birth moms of my 2 children chose life.

djw

I am an adoptee and am grateful that my adoptive parents were able to bring me up in a normal household, I now realise that had they not adopted me I could have stayed in care and no matter how kind those people may have been I would most likely have become institutionalised. I am sure that for the adoptive parents it is a wonderful experience. I don't know what a PAP is (I presume something in the USA), nevertheless I understand you will be adopting a baby. You are to be congratulated as that is one of the most important things you can do in your whole life.
Just one question, if you are so sure about what you are doing why do you need to pray and speak with a deity?

MamaKate

Dear Parrish,

While I can see the "beautiful side" of adoption for other people, aside from my children, there is not one for me. I wish I could have found something else beautiful in it. I even came back intending to answer that at least I got an education from it, but when I sat down to type I realized it was an education I would rather not have had.

I am glad you have such a positive experience but until The Darkside (coersion, lies, secrecy, sealed records, etc.) all but disappears from adoption there will be those of us who see adoption as ugly as it has been to us. We can appreciate the positive experiences of others and still hope and work for change so that no one else will suffer as we do. (We are not anti-adoption merely pro-reform.) We talk about the negatives to open eyes, educate others, encourage dialogue, ask for ideas for change and express our pain. We are not trying to discourage the practice altogether, bring people down or hurt anyone. I think all of us agree that there are cases where it is necessary and is a beautiful thing but we would like ALL adoptions to be as pure and beautiful as they should be.

I am glad you have learned to cope with your pain. I wish people would be more patient with those of us who have not.

Gaia Raain

I have such a hard time these days believing that anything about adoption is beautiful, but your question has made me think. Why would I do something if I DON'T believe there is something beautiful about it? My only answer to that is because it's the least of two evils - i.e., our kids could sit in foster care until they age out at 18, or be adopted. I don't expect our adoption to be beautiful, I don't expect our kids to be happy to be with us, I don't expect them to be grateful for receiving what SHOULD be the bare necessities for life (i.e. food, shelter, love, unconditional support, emotionally stable caregivers, etc.). I really have NO expectations of our kids. Expectations are a recipe for disaster, as far as I'm concerned.

But we ARE doing this for a reason, obviously. For me, it was a better choice than trying to conceive because rather than adding to the world's population with a special needs child (because I have genetic stuff that's not fun, so our kids would have special needs anyway), it sounded like a better option to give a family to a child with special needs who was already waiting for a family. For US, there is no difference between adding a child to our family via birth or adoption (although I do realize that for our kids, life will be VERY different).

I guess the answer to your question, for me, is that it's beautiful because we already knew what we wanted (kids), and once that was decided, we took on the job of becoming whatever our kids would need. I think it is a beautiful thing to create relationships based on equality, unconditional acceptance, and to be able to set one's own desires aside for the benefit of another. The benefit to us is that we get to have kids, watch them grow, be a part of their process for however long they want us to be, and we get to have a resident for that empty room.

I don't know if any of those things can be considered "beautiful". In all honesty, if there were no kids in foster care waiting for homes, we'd be trying to conceive. And if we couldn't conceive, we'd be happy childless. We're not doing it because there's anything beautiful about it. We're doing it because we would have done something similar regardless (parent special needs kids), and the kids in foster care need families - it's a necessity for them, at least until they find something better for kids without families.

Cass M

I have noticed the tendency on this site of adoption being a very negative thing. I worry that this will deter people who are interested. Adoption is not easy, being adopted or being the parent of adopted children. I can attest to both. However life in general is not easy. You make a commitment to these children as you would if you gave birth to them. They will have questions, a sense of 'who am I?' perhaps more then their friend next door. But how can anyone tell me adoption is a negative thing with I look into the faces of my children? I may not have given birth to my little ones but they have my mannerism, they have me inside them. That is beautiful. That is all i can ask for. When one day they ask me 'mom i want to meet my biological parents' I will help them through it all. Will it be scary for me, yes but i know how they feel.
What is beautiful is seeing my aunts, uncles, cousins and how much they love them. How they are so much ours that you 'forget' they were adopted. They were just meant to be in our families, they are no different nor treated less nor better. I am teaching my children that yes they were adopted because we worked hard to have them. But adoption is only a fraction of them, adoption does not have to lead their life, like it doesn't me. Being adopted is only a part of who I am. That is beauty.

KATiE â™¥

I'm just a kid, but I think that it's really cool how you're helping out a child in need [of a parent]. =]

PS- whoever gave me 7 thumbs down: that's not nice..I was just voicing my opinion.

=]

grapesgum

Lucky you to be on the "win" side of the triad. Lucky you to be so enamored with the beautiful side that you are too blind to see the "loss" sides of the triad. Lucky you.

sunny

There has been NO upside to adoption for me at all.

Sorry.

Kelly

I was adopted as a baby and had a wonderful life... It makes me sad to see the bad wrap adoption gets on this board. It has been a wonderful thing I know I have "birthparents" out there somewhere but they are strangers to me, my parents are the ones who took my to my first day on kindergarten, tucked my into bed at night, saw my off to my first prom, went shopping for my wedding dress with me, walked me down the isle on my wedding day, and sat next to me in the hospital, the first time I saw my own babies heart beat. Those are my beautiful memories and My Real Parents.

And it wasnt always easy and there were times when I was sad, but they good far outweights it all and now that Im older I understand things alot better and I have truely had a wonderful life.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

it's incredibly beautiful to take a child from it's mother, isn't it?

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