Views on naming your child a name same as a past adopted family menber ??? ?

DevonChaos

Unless you are a birth mother, you have no possible clue as to how she feels about this. Don't be selfish. There are tons of names in this world that you can name your baby that won't hurt your aunt every time the name is spoken. Keep thinking.

Please respect your aunt's feelings in this. As an adoptee, I would think it would be crushing to have the name of your child spoken a lot, even if it was the name of another child. Don't give her so much crud either, be sensitive.

Regardless of how far away she is, she is going through something that you will never be able to fathom. You need to pick a new name.

ETA: You are cold and hurtful. If someone talked to my birth mother like you talk to your aunt, I would ache.

ETA: YOU WILL NEVER understand what she is going through. You might a little after you have the baby. She is going to really resent you if you do this.

ETA: I feel sorry for your family. Your aunt for her loss. Your mother for hers. I feel sorry for both of them to be in this situation that you are aggrevating. I'm sorry, but you DON'T know the loss of a child. Your own child is not being given up. You have no clue. As self riteous as you are, as stubborn and pig headed, you have NO CLUE what loss adoption causes. I don't care how many ways of saying it you have, but sorry hon, you have no idea. Not a single clue.

Your aunt gave up a baby at 16? I have no idea how old you are, but judging from the way you talk, you are hardly the picture of maturity and motherhood. Good luck to you, I hope your aunt gives you a piece of her mind about this.

ETA: Wow, 2 kids by 18? Never mind. I TOTALLY understand. Whew. And you're on your third already?

magic pointe shoes

Sorry special snowflake, you can't claim to know her sorrow. The fact that you are making ugly statements about her loss show you. don't. get. it.

Name your child what you want to name her... but realize that by using the name Natalie you are poking a very real raw hurt.

Gaia Raain

OMG. I so hope you're a troll. This is frightening.

You are pregnant. So, close your eyes for just a moment, and imagine giving away that child inside you. Imagine spending your entire life wondering where your child is, how she's doing, questioning whether you made the right choice...imagine not having your child with you to raise. Then, multiply that by about 1,000. You might be somewhere in the ballpark of the kind of pain she is experiencing.

I cannot believe how cold and cruel you sound. Honestly, if you were my family member, I would never speak to you again over this. It's not just a name, it's a CHILD. It's her flesh and blood. It's her forever heartache. It's her baby that she can't hold and love and touch and kiss at night. You have no idea how hurtful this is, obviously. Just understand, it is extremely hurtful. She needs your understanding. If you can't give that, then you don't deserve her company.

Name your kid whatever you want. It's your bridge to burn. Don't be surprised if she cuts you out of her life entirely. If she does, it's on you. Even considering going against her wishes on this is horrific.

ETA: Oh, and p.s. that child isn't gone forever. She will probably want to know her mother someday. Your cold attitude toward YOUR own relative is frightening. How will she feel one day when she comes looking for her family and you say, "oh, I thought you were gone forever, so I gave my kid your name. Sorry."

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

that would be very hurtful, if you ask me.

My3Boys

Doesn't sound like a 'stupid fit' to me. She gave up her child to be raised by other people, and seeing a new Natalie being raised before her eyes might be very difficult for her.

sunny

Grow up and find a new name.

aloha.girl59

I think you are cold and selfish. Natalie is a lovely name but another family member already has it. You might not ever get to know her, which would be unfortunate, but regardless, your aunt had a daughter that she named Natalie. IT DOESN'T MATTER why she relinquished her child for adoption! That child is a part of your aunt and always will be. If you name your daughter after that little girl, you are a mean, nasty person and I feel for your kids.

sam22254

I would name the baby a different name. To your aunt it's like a death. Your child would be a constant reminder of what she lost. For your child's happiest name the baby a different name.

Lori A

You can name your child what ever you want. It will be a problem though that will last a life time.

I have seen the same name on cousins, and other family members but there was no adoption involved. It was more of a respect thing.

If you are set on it then you have that right, but just because she made a bad choice doesn't mean she didn't realize it afterward. She is obviously in a lot of pain over her decision. Do you really want to cause that much resentment and hurt?

Is she throwing a fit, yeah probably. There are other Natalie's in the world, but I'm willing to guess every time she hears that name it makes her heart sink.

Your choice

MapleGlen

I wouldn't question your aunt's feelings. If she is someone that you love, then you should respect her feelings over this one topic. Obviously, there is too much significance in that name and is hurtful, to say the least, for her to deal with.

Mommy times 2!

I don't understand why you asked this question. Were you looking for people to pat you on the back for your cruelty? We don't do that here. We're honest. You're cruel. You know it. You enjoy sticking the knife in her heart and twisting it. And you don't like it when people point out to you that this is exactly what you're doing. Sorry. We have no incentive to lie to you. You're cruel. End of story. Get some therapy for your obvious issues, or quit asking questions for which you don't want answers.

Brynley

You are heartless.

LisaHW

I don't see what the big deal is about finding another name out of the zillions of possible names for a baby, rather than choosing that one name.

I always liked the name, James, but my older sister "claimed it" for her son first - so I picked another name. No big deal.

If people have put children out for adoption there's something really wrong in their situation (unless, of course, they get their child taken away, in which case, even more wrong). The point is it's a painful thing for birth mothers.

I'm being an amateur psychologist here, but is there some chance you'd like to "punish" your aunt for doing the same painful thing your mother did with your brother? Any chance the whole thing was so painful to you, as a child, you developed a real "thing" over putting babies for adoption and would kind of like to rub your aunt's face in what she did? OR, might you sympathize with little Natalie and feel she needs to be honored by having a baby name after her?

(I'm not imagining I'm right about that. Just mentioning something that did occur to me.)

even if she kept her there is room for more than one name in a family. I know many cousins that have the same name and it is not an issue.
she is hurting and i can empathize but if that is what you want to name your child so be it

pwlt

I think, quiet personally, that this argument is ridiculous, you aunt should be happy for you and proud that you would want to name your daughter that, BUT at the same time i can see where it would be hard for her to hear the name of her baby with out being able to see her. You should be a little more understanding about the situation, step back and look at it from a different stand point, your aunts.

You should sit down and have a NICE conversation and explain to her you really like this name and there is nothing wrong with two natalie's being in the family. In my family there are THREE Freddy's.
If she continues to feel uncomfortable with the situation make a compromise, although this seems ridiculous that you should have to, it is your child. Maybe you could name your daughter Natalia, or a different from of natalie.

My honest opinion, you are both being stubborn and angry about a name, even though your name is yours for the rest of your life (unless you change it) it is definitely something that should not be argued about, it is silly. It sounds like you family has some other issues so something like this shouldnt get in the way.
You should be respectful of your aunts feelings while at the same time, do what you think is best.
She should be happy for you and proud you would want to name your daughter the same thing she named hers.

Crucio

This all seems silly honestly a name is a name. Parents can name their kid anything they want. Will she forbid men in your family from ending up with a women named Natalie. If your Aunt has serious issues with it she does not have to be apart of her great nieceâ€™s life if you all have a girl. This is your baby and husbands so you name her or him what you want.

If you had to appease your Aunt you could call her by her middle name Maria or Brook

sdparrotheadgirl

This is your child and if you don't name her what you both have chosen, you may regret it. Your aunt should get over herself and if she doesn't like it then who cares. This is your family and you need to do what is right for your family.
And by the way, it is a beautiful name.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: