Want to know about Fostering?

Looney Tunes

I was a foster kid. So, my perspective will be different.

What do we want?

We want someone who will be kind and gentle because most people in our lives have been mean and harsh.

We want people with the patience of a saint, because chances are we did not learn the best behaviors. I never sat at a table to eat until I was 8 years old. I hid food in my closets and under my bed. I did not know if there would be enough. It took time and patience from my foster parents.

We want people who know how to set appropiate limits and boundaries because most likely our boundaries have been severely violated.

We want people to know that we are smart, but it is really HARD to learn when you are scared everyday, tired, hungry, or always moving. Every move a foster child makes usually sets them back 6 months in school.

We want people to know that we are a product of our past. That can be changed, but it takes time and understanding.

We want people to know that we are just KIDS and need lots of love.

If you are thinking of fostering, it would be great. But please, make sure you are ready because being abandoned over and over because people decide they can not do it kills a kid's spirit.

Freckle Face

Ms. Angel,

I'm so happy you are choosing foster care. This is probably all new to you so i am going to be gentle. The "our last option" isn't good. Its a red flag to me. I'm so sorry that you can not have a baby, its painful and a huge loss. Please try to make sure you have dealt with this loss fully.

We searched for our state foster care website and called the number it gave. They can help you from there. I wish you the best:)

ETA: Thank you for your kind email. I was turned down by foster care, too many children too close together. There are many wonderful people here who have adopted thru foster care and give you more advice.(((hugs)))

Heather Leigh

You should start with your County's Department of Human Services Agency. They are the ones that oversee Foster Children.

The type of people tha look for are able to open their homes temporarily to a child while their parents get the help they need. The child will most likely have regular visitation with their parents. They may have emotional and behavior problems. You have to be prepared for them to leave your home once their parents are able to care for them. For me, this is what is preventing me from fostering at this time. It rips your heart out when they leave but, I will do it again eventually.

best of luck and if you have specific questions, fell free to email me and I will try to help.

Gaia Raain

I'm with Freckle Face here. I'm so sorry for your loss! Infertility is a terrible thing to deal with, and I hope you take care of yourself. Children in foster care need lots of love, and they don't have the emotional resources to fulfill your desire for a child. I don't know about you, but I know I sure wouldn't want to be someone's last option, especially after already having been abandoned and going through "the system". I'm not trying to be hurtful - my interest is for the child's needs. My husband and I are adopting through foster care, but we didn't even start looking into it until we both had learned to fulfill our own needs and desires by ourselves. It's really important that, for the child's sake, the process of deciding to adopt is separate from the process of deciding to become a parent. Adoptees have many needs, and many losses, and they will need more love than you will be able to give them if you are still grieving from your infertility.

Tinker

I'm not sure where you live but, in Maryland you can adopt children from Foster Care. For babies it takes longer but they have all ages. You can also foster to adopt. Which means why they try to work it out with the parents you can foster the child if the parents don't do what they need to do then all rights are taken and you can adopt from there. It just depends on what you are looking for and how big of a heart you have. Contact your Local Department of Social Services.
Good Luck

momof3boys

Talk to your county agency, your state may have a website for adopting and fostering that gives you information, i know Ohio has a site. Contact the agency and they will give you information on where the classes are and when they beginning and what paperwork needs filled out prior to the classes. I would recommend foster-to-adopt because if you are under that catagory you go through the homestudy and paperwork as if you may adopt so if you get a foster child that goes up for adoption you will get first choice to adopt them before anyone else. If you are 18 or older and have your own home (apartments are usually ok too as long as you have the room) with room for a child (or more than 1) and a stable income and can pay your bills then they will want to see about getting you into the "program". You will go through a physical and finger printing with a criminal background check and need references from friends and family (the more the better) and then there will be a homestudy done (sometimes more than 1).

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