Was I a commodity? Were you taken advantage of?

Gaia Raain

Does this answer your question:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ai3_dFhDHJtxJucoMXCcR8nsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080930164810AAe5XTv&show=7#profile-info-wjzLqa0Iaa

Cool Hal

I am in the UK and adopted

In the UK no money is passed between adoptive and birth parents and the process is handled by charities or local authority.

This method has its own problems for the child but I cannot imagine how throwing the money issue in and the feeling of not only being abandoned but being brought and sold.

I hope that you were brought up by good kind people who loved and respected you - this will help you move on.

Heather B

Yes and Yes

This is one of the reasons that adoption for money is illegal in many Countries.

I'm surpised more people aren't uncomfortable with the notion of commodifying human lives. I guess so long as they get the much-wanted product for their money, they can turn a blind eye to the ethics of the whole mess.

People will bang on about 'costs' but boy-oh-boy those are some pretty hefty 'costs' someone isn't just making a living there, they're making an absolute fortune on the backs of babes!

People who dislike it but then cough up the dough are hypocrites IMO

Return adoption to being a social service for the children. In the UK it costs about Â£140 to adopt a child (that's what $300?) Now THAT amount would be reasonable 'costs'

I chatted with a lady in the Mall in New Jersey during the summer break and she actually patted the kid on the head and declared "this one cost us $35,000". I must admit I puked up a little in my mouth

Lori A

Yes and Yes

I personaly think I would have had to say something to the woman who patted the child on the head boasting about how much they cost.

It irritates me that a handful of people who have no empathy for the people involved be allowed to set the standards for something they themselves have no idea about nor do they care. At the end of their day it's all about the numbers.

As far as being taken advantage of, we were and are ALL being taken advantage of.

kristy: My thoughts are that my son would only feel like a commodity if some of the people in here (mainly the over-the-top, angry, anti-adoption folks) were his parents.

How can you say that if he feels this way you will support him and yet you do not support the other people who feel this way?
Just curious.

bugitz0223

Serenity, where do you get the misinformation that inter country adoption by countries who have signed the Hague are not for profit? Where do you think the tens of thousands are going? They certainly aren't being given to the care of the children. My daughter is adopted from Kazakstan which is one of the Hague countries. Not a penny of the fees I paid went to her care. You should have seen the place and conditions she was living in. The only thing that really pissed me off there was that the doctor who ran the hospital refused my offer to buy cribs for the kids, and fix a broken window in the hospital - telling me that "The State pays for the childrens' needs but we doctors need a TV armoire for the doctor's lounge". That pissed me off because the only need I could see being taken care of was food. The cribs were broken, there weren't any toys, and the broken window was letting in crazy amounts of mosqitoes that can carry diseases. I was even told NOT to buy toys because "Somebody takes them - we think it might be the staff", Yes, the fees were high. There was a lot of paperwork, dossier translation, fees for interpreters and drivers in country etc. So there was a reason for the fees. But essentially most of it is profit for the agencies and facilitators. Yep, it's somebody's job to faciliate adoptions, and nobody's gonna do the social work/legal work for free. but I do think the fees were very high. Of course I can't say I was taken advantage of, because I was fully aware of the fees up front. But still it's capitalism at its worst running rampant in developing countries.
Still I think it's ridiculous to say that adopted children are purchased. You're not purchasing the child, you're paying fees to people to take care of lots and lots of red tape and paperwork that you probably wouldn't be able to organize yourself. How on earth for example, could I just pop on over to Kazakhstan and know where to file my initial dossier and application to adopt. And then fly over there again in a couple months and file another paper with a local regional authority. I don't know how or where to do it, nor do I know the language. It's an extremely complicated process with various documents translated and filed at varying times and in various regions in a large country. They charge fees for doing all this.
I'm a sign language interpreter. I charge a fee for what I do. Is that heinous and revolting to charge a fee for providing a service that most people can't do themselves? I don't think it's horrible to charge fees, but I do think the fees they charge are excessive.
So I'm sort of with you and not with you at the same time. I think the fees are excessive and advantageous. But I disagree with the many people on here who feel like they were a commodity. My daughter is simply my daughter. I adopted her because I wanted to be a mom. I love her with all my heart and it doesn't matter whether fees were paid to adopt her or not. She's the same daughter to me - loved, and loving.

littleJaina

Even non-profit agencies aren't run by volunteers. If you want them run decently, you have to pay the employees enough to be competitive with other types of employment the the for profit corporate world. However, non-profit firms do have to publish their financial records. I suggest anyone taking a good look at the records of the agency they are using. They should compare the expenses and salaries with those of other non-profit organizations in the area (check children's museums, family/children charities, food banks, etc) to get an idea of what is reasonable to pay certain employees like lawyers and CEOs.

However, public social services do not offer the perfect solution either. For one thing, they just don't have the resources to give enough personal attention to potential relinquishing mothers who want to find the "perfect" match for their child. Also, it is not unreasonable to offer women considering relinquishment resources to make sure she and the baby stay healthy. Of course, ideally these would be available to every pregnant woman, but this isn't a perfect society.

I am also not comfortable with agencies that charge different fees for different "types" of children. You know, the ones who charge $35000 for the adoption of a healthy white baby, but only $22000 for a mixed race baby, and $15000 for a black baby. That, to me, is just sick. That definitely seems like you are selling the baby to the highest bidder. I mean, how on earth can you possibly incur more expenses based off the child's skin color? That is definitely pricing the child based on the "market" and that is selling.

On the other hand, an agency may be able to charge money for the custody of a child, but the child himself/herself can never actually be sold. He/She is still her own person, and nothing can chane that fact. You can really buy a kid anyway, the most you can really do is "rent" since at 18, the child can go wherever he/she likes.

However, for most parents, I cannot imagine thinking of your child as a commodity. Once you love that kid... they're a KID, not a toy or a doll. And remember, there are alot of parents who don't pay for their kids at all... they Do adopt through forster care, and do take kids just because they love them.

Also remember, there are some biological parents who dont treat their kids as much more than toys are dolls. Look at Brittany Spears for goodness sakes! Or any of those kids whose parents put them into beauty pagents when the kid obviously hates it. I think there are just some people incapable of truly parenting - and that's sad, but it's not limitted to those who adopt.

Sophie

My thoughts are that my son would only feel like a commodity if some of the people in here (mainly the over-the-top, angry, anti-adoption folks) were his parents. The fact is, that his natural mother chose an adoption plan for him. I answered her call to parent her child.

I don't know what my son will feel in the future. He could very well feel like you. I will stand behind him... not in front. I will be his support. I want him to be healthy and happy. I will never tell him he's being overly-sensitive. If those are his feelings, those are his feelings. It won't matter how he feels. I love him. What's important to him is important to me.

Serenity71

Adoption shouldn't be for profit. Period.

If there were private profiteering agencies in Aust. I still wouldn't use them.

Inter-country adoption is expensive here, but not because of profiting agencies. The Government controls it. I can't go into detail because I didn't adopt inter-country. But i know its limited to only a few countries that have signed Hague convention and its still NOT for profit.

P.S Its all run by the Government here...

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

yes and yes. come on AH- be grateful. at least you were bought and not left in a dumpster!!!! right????? be grateful!!!!

puke. barf.

ColleenIsBack

Quite frankly I think your perspective is pretty bogus. An aunt and uncle of mine on my father's side adopted a little girl from China (my father is Irish and my mother is Chinese. It was my father's brother and his wife that adopted.) They were childless and in their 40's and wanted a child more than anything in order to LOVE the child, not as a trinket or on a lark. Yes of course, they were getting something out of it, filling an empty spot in their lives. They thought long and hard whether they should try adopting a caucasian baby instead but they found that financially impossible and also felt their chances were not good because of their ages. So they adopted a girl from an orphanage in China.

I accompanied them on their trip because I am fluent in Mandarin. The day they received their baby they cried tears of joy and couldn't stop. They weren't 'purchasing' the child, they were getting a chance to love her and they were thankful. She is now 4 years-old and they love that girl more than life itself. She returns the love and you can see that she knows how much she is loved. They are honest about the adoption with her too and try hard to deal with whatever questions she has honestly and in a straight forward manner.

It sounds to me that it is possible that your relationship with your adoptive parents is not that way for some reason. I am sorry if it is not. But your carrying on about people 'purchasing' kids and characterizing adoptions as trafficking is really pretty over the top. While not all adoptive parents are perfect parents and some might even be poor parents, it seems to me that the vast majority love their adoptive children dearly and THAT is the reason they decided to adopt in the first place.

Finally, domestic adoptions in the USA are extremely expensive usually because domestic adoptions are complicated. Foreign adoptions have traditionally been cheaper. The agencies I have seen for foreign adoptions are NOT run by rich folks. These people aren't making a fortune. My aunt and uncle paid very low fees when they adopted my little cousin. Their air travel and hotel accomodations were actually about equal to the fees they paid the agency, which was under the auspices of a religious charity (I believe Catholic.)

Money isn't being exchanged for a human being. The fees cover the costs associated with arranging the adoption. The people that work for the agencies have to be paid, otherwise no one would work in the field at all. Really, you need to think more clearly about this subject. Good luck.

Indian-vision

Although i too agree adoption is too costly in the U.S and needs reform. But as one answered, how will cost of homestudy, thourough back ground check,salaries of social worker be met if they are no costs involved ???

I do not believe i "bought" my child. If i was to pay our child's birth mother now THAT was what i would call "buying" and that is illegal in my country as will as the U.S !!

If i entered the hospital to deliver, i would be paying at least 10,000$ in medical care and post delivery care. Now there are costs when you bring home a baby anyways. But does that mean "buying".????
No way Jose !!!!

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

I think there needs to be alot of reform in the adoption system, as far as fees, profits, etc go.. absolutely.

But I think that feeling like a commodity, purchased item, novelty, etc... probably has more to do with how the aparents treat the child rather than the fact that the child is adopted. Because I know alot of adoptees do not feel that they were bought/sold, etc, etc..

My mom probably spent a few thousand dollars in pre-natal care and hospital expenses to bring me into her family..She didn't have to... But she wanted me badly... But I still wasn't free!! But I never felt like she "bought me" or that I was a "commodity" I mean... I always knew she wanted the "perfect American family" one boy, one girl.. She was just lucky that's how it turned out. But I still never felt like I was just a "piece to complete the picture".. the little girl who looked like her stay-at-home mother... who had a big brother 2 years older.... who looked like his hard-working dad. The "perfect american family." I never felt that I was a decoration.. all I felt was how much my parents loved me, treasured me, doted on me... But definitely, some money changed hands to ensure I would be born healthy and stay healthy!!

There are big differences (most of the time) between adoption and human trafficking. (not that baby trafficking never happens) The fees, etc.. are supposed to simply be for the expenses of agencies who have to put in work hours to comb through PAPs files and make sure they'll make good parents... to comb through files of women who want to place their child for adoption...to put them in contact with a family looking for a child... etc, etc.. it's not "purchasing" a baby. At least the way it's supposed to work... now there are some corrupt agencies, baby brokers, etc,... who do very shocking things, and again.. there needs to be major reforms to stop this. Maybe there's a way to take away the "prophit" from adoption.. That would be great, but I don't know the details on how that would work..

Briezy's Mommy

I am not an adoptee or parent of one. I did consider adoption as I had trouble TTC, I ended up having trouble having my baby too though. I want a second child someday and the risk of getting pregnant and me or the baby being in danger is too high. I'm sorry that you feel bought or negative about your experience. I know that I don't like the fact that adoption cost so much and am sure that it isn't really necessary (the cost), but when you have so much love to give and want to be a mom so bad, money doesnt mean anything. It cost me 120K to have my daughter, because she was born so early, but the money doesnt matter. having her in my arms and seeing her smile, and the unbelievable love in my heart, that is what matters. its a sad thing that after someone has a baby (from adoption) that money would ever be brought up. I know if/when we adopt our second child, it wouldnt be something we discussed, if they asked we would be honest, but it wouldnt be a I paid $50K for you, go clean your room. I guess I just dont understand. makes me sad though.

Lena G

Yes ad yes. I have one bio and one adopted.
For either child I would not only my life but also my life savings.

My son may have been a commodity to his birth mother but he is a life saver for me. Both my children cost me a fortune. Whether it be medical bills or lawyer bills. I paid the same for both..

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