Was your child sent to you OR were you sent to your child?

Kazi

People are trying to find meaning. I think that's why people say "it was God's will this happened." For some, it imparts some sort of peace.

I don't feel this way. IMO, God is not that complicated. I don't believe he decides who has children and who does not anymore than I believe he decides who lives or dies.

God did not create China's communist regime or appointed a dictator who convinced his people to go forth and multiply in order to make China strong, but yet had no means to support them, leading to famine and then the introduction of the one-child policy that (probably) led my daughter's mama to abandon her in a crowded market place.

God did not do that for me.

I am not a deeply religious person, and truth me told I have a great disdain for organized religion, but I am spiritual and I do believe in God, and for me, I believe the only gift that God gave us was free will and I exercised that when I decided to adopt.

It is that simple.

I think both. I think GOD works in mysterious ways. We are doing foster to adopt and were just going to do girls. We decided that there are so many boys in the system that never get adopted and need homes. We decided on Friday to tell them we will take boys. Our foster son was born Sat and we took him home on Monday. Mom does not look like she will work her plan and will more than likely adopt him. I believe GOD put that on our heart right then because he was about to be born and need us and much as we want him

AdoreHim

I believe no matter if you biologically had your child or adopted that they are gifts from God.

IDK!!

Um, Both. He needed a home like ours. Particularly a stay at home parent. At the time we weren't even looking to adopt. We figured we would do foster care someday and possibly adopt, if there was a child who needed a home.

We never thought it would be 14 months after my daughter was born. Everything happened so quick. He is a great addition to our family and very popular among his little friends, people can't get enough of him.

I think our paths crossed for a reason.

Fardreamer

I'm not sure it's either one of those. Personally I feel that I was put here to parent children whose bio-parents couldn't. so I guess if I have to chose between those two options I think I must've been sent to my kids.

Mom to Foster Children

I believe, as it actually happened this way, for us...is that our child was sent to us. He was picked to come and live in our home by his case worker and has stayed with us by the decisions of all involved. I didn't pick my biological children as they were "sent" to me as well.

EDIT: To Mei Ling - I have to look at the people who made it possible for me to adopt every time we had to go to court - and I run into the mother every once in a while at the grocery store. As we did adopt after reunification was OBVIOUSLY not going to happen, yes we did run into both parents - have had many encounters with the both of them. So for you to say that aparents will never have to see the people who made it possible for them to adopt is only one side of the story.

sam22254

I heard this line before. Let's see it was the couple who stole my grandson and went around the father that was fighting and begging the hosital and even the governor for help in giving what god gave him back. NO if he was sent to you by god then you would have had the child naturaly.
So no I don't beleive that the child was sent to adopted parents Idon't see god letting a child wonder where the child came from or to let the child go through pain of a foster home It's like a child burning to death in a family home I guess you would believe that god wanted that child to go through pain. Get real god don't step into everything I don't think God would have aproved of the couple who like theifs in the night stole my grandson. God gave him to 2 parents not one and it's there chose what they do with the gift.

April D

I was adopted.

I would say that I was Taken from my parents, Sold to the state and my adoptive parents were Paid to take care of me.

Sounds like a pretty crappy deal for me.

meganjo63

I think I'm a good mom...maybe better than his bio mom, but my child is a FAR BIGGER blessing to me than I am to him. I know he was sent to me.

Thomas C

I'm also an athiest, so I don't have anything to add about god's intentions. But your question still resonates with me.

My wife adopted our son before I met them. The family story is that we were all meant to be together as a family. Clearly the love we all have for each other makes it feel that way. When he was a little boy, my wife used to tell him that he tried to trick her by coming out of the belly of another woman, but it didn't work. She knew she was his mommy and was going to come to get him no matter what. After the abandonment he experienced as an infant, I think her committment was deeply needed and healing.

The family story deepened when my son first met me just before his 4th birthday and threw himself into my arms. We often reflect that he choose me to be his dad. Since I adopted him last December, he's started calling me daddy (not dad). I think even though he's 9 years old now, he's making up for his early years when he didn't have a daddy.

Clam Chowdah

I, (the adopted child), was sent to my parents. Infants are innocent and deserve nothing but a better life than what they were born into.

Mei-Ling

I find that a lot of parents continue to say â€œit was Fateâ€â€¦ â€œit was meant-to-beâ€... it was â€œGod's handâ€... â€œthe red thread connected us togetherâ€... etc.

Which is, to me, dismissive. Not deliberately ignorant. Just dismissive.

"I think it's a bad thing when they try to justify the separation of original mother and child by looking towards God."

I am NOT saying that growing up in a good adoption is a bad thing. Really. I am NOT SAYING that growing up in a home with people who love you and care about you is a bad thing.

I am simply saying that adoption is caused by loss, and by leaping to the â€œGod/Fate conclusionâ€, and in MY OPINION, people want to dismiss that loss by pretending it was â€œmeant-to-be.â€

Because it makes them feel more secure. It helps them to fall asleep in bed at night. Sure, there's another parent out there somewhere in Asia, and these APs feel for them "Sure I feel for her first parents, really I do, I think about them every day", but how many of these adoptive parents will EVER have to look into the eyes of the people who created the child they adopted?

I'll give you an answer: NEVER.

These adoptive parents will NEVER EVER ever have to meet the people who made it possible for them to adopt in the first place.

Isn't it so much easier knowing that? No consequences, no guilt.

P.S. And saying â€œit was meant-to-beâ€ will NEVER change the fact that there was loss first. It will NEVER change the fact that a child was torn from its original mother.

P.P.S. Bring on the thumbs down!

Gaia Raain

I really struggle with the answer to this. I, too, have a hard time with the "God sent [the child] to [the adult(s)]", because it then sounds as if God had a hand in separating the natural family...as though God were in the business of supplying folks with kids simply because they want them, and in the process ripping apart families that are together by design. It makes no sense.

I think that, in our case, whatever child(ren) we end up parenting, we will be the "right" parents for. Not because God intended it, not because the universe works that way, not because the child was separated for his/her family due to some manic deity's design - but just simply because the choices my husband and I made in our lives, made us the right people for the job of raising this particular kid (or these kids).

It has taken me a LONG time, and a lot of talking to good friends (some who have involvement with adoption, some who don't) to come to this conclusion. I'm still learning, and still deciding how I feel about a lot of things. And hopefully I'll stay flexible my whole life. I need to learn and grow in order to know what to do as a parent, and how to relate to my kids. This has been a HUGE one for me, mainly because I know that it is also a huge point of contention for many adoptees.

ETA: To me, when you say, "meant to be", "sent to", "ordained by God", or talking about the universe, it's all the same thing. You can go back through my answer and substitute "the universe" for "God" wherever you like, and to me, it means the same thing. We all have our own beliefs about God/the universe/etc. and being Pagan, any time I talk about God, that covers all belief systems, including atheism (if the atheist still believes in any force that has any control in the universe, which some do). I didn't have any intention of offending, or reducing your question to a religious argument. Religion is a man-made concept, while God (if s/he exists) is NOT, and cannot be bound by our books and beliefs.

tickled blue

I am not religious....so....bias ahead>>>>

I think it is completely disgusting to ever say or feel/think your adoptive child was sent to you by god....or that he/she was god's gift to you.
Adoption is the severing of a relationship between parents and their child. It is not a gift, it is not godly, and it is not a miracle....it is sad, painful, and often unethical. While there are many children who do legitimately need good homes.....there are far more who need community support and services. The money we spend on adoption is outrageous. If we spent 1/2 of that money on social programs and theraputic services, the real miracle, the real gift from god, would be that a good mother was able to keep the child she loves so much.
<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

littleJaina

I am not an adopted mother but I was a step-mother (and still a good friend) to a little girl - my son's sister.

I always say that "God brought her to me". Now, perhaps this doesn't have the same problems for me that it does for other people because I don't think that God is omnipotent or completely omniscient either - or not exactly. I believe that God can probably do ANYTHING, but not everything. I don't believe in those stupid paradoxes about making mountains he can't move. Thus, God could easily have sent this little girl to her biological parents for a very good reason. Maybe so she could learn something, maybe so they could, maybe to give them a chance to make a life together. However, as humans, we have free will. For whatever reason(s), her biological mother abandoned her. She was then a very very sick little girl who was living with grandparents in a place where she wasn't getting to the right doctors that could save her life.

Then there I was. 21-years-old, loved kids, had experience with handicapped kids, was able to fall in love with her father, and already knew several kids whose lives had been saved by this one doctor.... So God brought her on down. He gave her father and I a chance to make a life together, and he gave her a chance to live a few more years at least. She did come down, and the doctor I knew about found her tumor with only a few weeks to spare before it would have killed her.

Maybe this was only chance. But I can see God's hand in it. I say that she was brought to me mostly because that's what physically happened. She flew from California to the place I was already living. In the end, she lost again, and I'm sorry for that - but I'm still thankful to God that I got the chance. I gave her an introduction to a really good doctor, and love and care for her months of recovery as long as I could. She gave me love, the knowledge of what it meant to truly love a child, and, in so many ways, my son. Of course, technically her father gave me him, but I'm not sure that if he hadn't already had her he would have been so eager to have another baby.

I don't think that in order for adoptive parents and children to be brought together that God has to have decided to help break up a biological family. Plenty of people do that on their own! Besides, just because you decide not to raise your baby does not mean God didn't want you to bear that child... maybe it taught you something, maybe when you were morning sick that kept you from going out somewhere you may have been killed, maybe God just wanted you to have the experience of giving away something so precious - who knows? Maybe God was testing your own priorities. Either way, the decision to relinquish a child by one parent is completely seperate from the decision to adopt the child by a seperate set of parents. Because of this, God can easily bring a now parentless child to an adoptive family.

Of course, I do not believe that the existance of adoptive families somehow makes a mother give up her child. Some here do, but I can't.

Sophie

We all have purpose on this Earth. I believe that God and his Angels helped me and my son become a family. Whatever "God" is, he is the preparer of our life plans. He knows what he's doing. We were meant to be mother and son through an international adoption.
----------------------
Sunny, you don't get it... You think an a-parent really thinks this: "Your mother gave you away just so I could raise you. My wants supersede your security and happiness." No, no, no. You also say, "Your child's misfortune has become your fortune." Well, that's really wrong, too. In fact it's like this: My child's misfortunes have become my misfortunes as well because I am his Mother now. It is him who I want to suceed in life more than anyone else and I will do all I can to make sure that happens. It is me who will help him handle all of his life's challenges. Me who loves him equally to his natural mother. Me.
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MeiLing: It WAS meant-to- be. My family was meant-to-be. That's just how it is.
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Wispy- By saying it was meant to be, does not mean my son was a mistake or unwanted by his natural family. That's YOUR opinion.

BPD Wife

I do believe that God had a hand in our adoption. For years, my husband and I tried to conceive. Adoption was too expensive and I wasn't sure that I could do it emotionally. But a neighbor contacted us because she knew of someone who had a child they were looking to make an adoption plan for. It was as if God was answering our prayers but in a different way we had planned. Our family was coming together, but just not how we thought it should occur.

That being said, I do not believe that God sends children to the wrong parents. God gave us all free will. Sometimes that free will gets us into trouble - but if we listen, He is there to help us when things that we cause go awry. I think that is the case in our son's situation. God did not "send" him to the wrong parent, but God provided an answer for everyone's prayers.

Ironically, my 5 yr old son will often tell me how that when he was in Heaven before he was born, Mary would hold him when he cried and tell him that he was going to get good parents and that is why she sent him to us. It sends shivers down my spine when he tells me these stories. The ironic thing about it is that we are not Catholic and do not discuss the Mother Mary often - except at Christmas with regards to the birth of Jesus. My son also does not attend Church yet because of a medical disorder. We had decided to wait until he was a bit older and could help to manage his disorder better before we began taking him into a Sunday School program.

So do I believe that God had a hand in our son's adoption? Absolutely. Was he sent to us or were we sent to him? All of the above. I think God took a difficult situation and provided all of us with a solution - but it was up to each of us to decide how we wanted to proceed.

Dawn R

HERE IS MY STORY. i was preg at 23 i had an abortion (feel terrible) then at 28 i had twin boys who died (still born) i did not understand why, was i being punished ect.... well a long story short we are adopting 4 foster children. i feel all along God had a plan, i wouldnt have these 4 beautiful children if my boys had not died. i feel we are ALL brought together they needed us we needed them. God bless

School Nurse

I believe that God gave us our daughter and He gave US to HER. She was born with medical issues to a woman/child who relinquished her at birth. I believe God gave us TO HER because she needed loving parents who could deal with those issues. God gave her TO US because we had an abundance of love to give to a child and the desire to be parents. It was a win-win situation that brought Glory to God. She was raised in a Christian home.

I also want to say that I don't think you are "a pretty religious person"--. A pretty religious person believes in the Bible and in God's will and that everything happens for the good of God. God sees the "big picture". We only see a tiny portion. I think you ask this question with an agenda and bias. If you truly are "a pretty religious person" then you need to examine your witness for God because you are leading people in the wrong direction--away from God-- and you will have to answer to Him for that. God loves us and cares about every aspect of our lives. We don't always know the reason why some things happen but God does and I trust Him.

sunny

*GROAN*

Your mother gave you away just so I could raise you. My wants supersede your security and happiness. PUKE.

Think of it this way (which is the truth):

Your child's misfortune has become your fortune.

Don't you think if G-D were active in our daily lives this child would get to live with his MOTHER, and you would have your OWN child?!

WE are not the answer to your prayers!!! I assure you that YOU are not the answer to OURS!

tish

my kids were sent to my uterus....

does God still deliver children that way? or is it just adoption?

wow...

ETA: wispy... i agree with every word you wrote! i'm always amazed how children given to another person out of loss is someway "God's will."

â™¥mamaâ™¥

I would think the kid was sent to you, since youve been here longer. or it could be god just meant for you two to be brought together, maybe there wasnt the intention of either being "sent", you were just meant to be brought together, because both situations had to be just right to get the child you did.

marissa g

sent to the child

Independ"ant"

I guess you are referring to either JC or Yahweh as God. What kind of God would have his followers turn a blind eye to kidnappings, rapes, murders, coercion and/or manipulation of woman and children and label it adoption.
I'll pass on that messiah.

My God tells me to help children in need without taking away part of their soul for my personal benefit.

Edit: In response to your edition maybe you could look at it like your "god didn't give you enough patience to wait" or "enough compassion to help a child who has a loving mother that is struggling to keep her child". I don't think your decision to adopt has anything to do with Gods will or plans at all. Its simply about you fulfilling your desire to have a child. There is no need to use God to justify it.

Alice C

child sent to you

josephsharka

he was send to you may be for some thing or purposes, you have to bear a bit of patient ok. for what goes round comes around.

a little curious

my nephew is with us tonight and i was telling his mom today how he was sent to the because he was ment to be theirs, he looks just like his dad and acts like him too he was for surement to be ours, funny story though a freind of her bro, called them up and said we just had a baby and cant keep him would you be his parents. answer to their prayers they had been trying for 15 years to concieve, a year later his sister was adopted by my other bother in law that one was planned. they are being raised as cousis and best freinds.

i am currantly thinking about fostering but would looove to adopt someday.

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