We're wanting to adopt? Any pointers?

Independ"ant"

Since your not in a position to have your own children why not go the foster care route.

Foster the kids waiting for homes and let one choose you.

That's the way it should be.

birthdad in hell

My advice. would be to look into your local cps/dhs system. those are the children that truly need you. start as a foster parent or find a child there ready for and in need of a loving home. These children are passed up and left to rot in the system while children are sold and stolen from capable parents who are coerced whether by the other parent, family members, attorneys, agncy reps,or their own fears. Thousands of children need loving homes and people to love them but are passed up for newborns or babies from other countries.
My experience with adoption is a nightmare none can deny. does that mean i am an adoption hater? In the eyes of most of the uninformed here yes. They however would be wrong. I do belive adoption can be a good thing. the unfortunate part is that people prefer to ignore the children who truly need them and instead essentially go out and buy a child like it's a car or commodity. when that happens it is no more about the child but about the wants desires and greed of the people shopping. How is that any different from back in the day when landowners went to the docks and bought slaves? I truly believe your last sentence shows you want this for the wrong reason. It should be about the child not your own desire. As long as your wants come first I hope you fail. I might be wrong and kinda hope I am but this strikes me as wrong.

PhilM

It's good to do some research before jumping into this. Here are some reading suggestions before you adopt:

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

grapesgum

You could start by showing expectant mothers a bit of respect by not calling them "birthmothers". A "birthmother" is a mother who has already signed away on her rights. Calling an expectant mother a "birthmother" before she gives birth and makes her final decision about whether to give her baby away or parent him/her is incorrect and prejudicial terminology.

Some mothers who have relinquished find the term "birthmother" offensive and prefer to be referred to a first/natural mothers or simply mothers.

I do not know any expectant parents at this time. If I did, I would (and have) urge them not to consider adoption for the sake of their mental health and that of their child. Please call your local social service department and consider fostering a child who truly does need a loving and caring home.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

In the end it doesn't matter we become parents, it only matters that we do."

oh, i'm sorry.....i thought adoption was about the CHILDREN who need homes. not the greedy people who want a baybeeeeeeeeeeee at ALL costs.

foster care.

_________________

ETA "we did not mean at all costs." oh, ok! so then what does "In the end it doesn't matter we become parents, it only matters that we do." mean?

try a jacked up foster kid on for size.
they NEED a home. DO that, and really help a kid, NOT just help yourself to a healthy white baby.

Mei-Ling

One out of twelve cyclones: "There is nothing wrong with offering a child a home."

You're completely right about that. There ISN'T anything wrong with wanting to offer a safe and loving home to a child.

It's what has to happen TO the child before the child GETS that home.

You know, like being torn from your original family, culture, language and people?

Serenity71

I know the heartache, but don't let it cloud your thinking and make you desperate and do things in the process you may later regret. (Attending seminars is a great idea. Learn about your local process.)

The "how" you adopt is just as important as becoming a parent, because one day when the baby grows up you'll have to explain the process that led to the adoption when they ask about why you are their mother and father not the birth parents. Along the way you have gradually help your child understand what "adoption" is.

If you only care about getting a baby to fill that empty space in your heart then its not enough. I hope you take the time to write down the reasons you want to adopt a child and be a parent for that matter. Be totally honest with yourself, because its a commitment.

It can be a joyful experience. and I hope after you think about it some more you take the right approach.

Good Luck.

I would recommend reviewing the site www.informedadoptions.com it is a great site full of useful information. It was founded by an adoptive parent who is also an adoptee.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Foster Care. Those kids really need homes. So why wait for a baby who could stay with the natural parents if they were given a little bit of support?

LaraSue

Check out agencies in your area, or talk to lawyers who handle adoption to how to begin the process.

HONEYB1

I found very quickly today that this site is not good for those wanting to adopt or even thinking about it. It is full of negative views, hatred and rude comments. Most of them do not even answer your question directly but go on with their own rant. I would recommend doing as I have done and email someone through here someone that has provided positive advice about adoption. They may give you more answers and help. Locally we have a pregnancy/adoption center that offers free information for those that are pregnant as well as those that are seeking adoption or to give their baby up for adoption. I am going to ask them for some pointers. Best wishes on adopting and I totally understand where you are coming from.

Santa's Lil' Helper

This is the wrong site to ask about adoption it is controlled by the anti-adoption spin machine. Sorry about your disorder. There is nothing wrong with offering a child a home.

Kelle

My sister has adopted 4 children.
I foster.

Independent adoption is best done through family doctors.
You will need a lawyer.

Go into this with your eyes open.
Most babies will have serious health or learning problems. Many are from drug and alcohol users.
The sweet little babe who turns out to be the perfect child, seldom happens.
This can also be very hard on a marriage.

I highly recommend you attend some agency seminars on adopting before you make any decisions.
The good thing about an agency is that they look into all of this before the decide to hand over a child.
Good luck.

crazy beautiful

watch juno.

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