We are thinking about international adoption, does anyone have any advice or more information?

Jennifer L

As an IA parent, my advice is to do a LOT of research. Informed Adoption Advocates, as already suggested, is a great site.

I'm not sure from your question, if you have the expectation of adopting a baby. There are very few infants available for adoption. Most children available for adoption are school age, including sibling groups. Just like in the US, older children are often passed over in favor of younger children.

We adopted two older children (5 and 10 at the time) from overseas. We have had some adjustment issues, everything that I would consider to be normal and expected. But nothing like lighting the house on fire or killing the cat. I'm sure that does happen RARELY, because some severely damaged children in the US have similar stories, but it's the exception, rather than the rule. Somehow, it's become "common knowledge" that all older IA adoptees are violent and severely disturbed... probably because it makes for a better 20/20 story than older IA adoptees that make a relatively smooth transition.

Anyway, I could write books about what I've learned since becoming an IA parent and we did a LOT of research and preparation befrorehand. (Yes, we have close family friends that are adult IA adoptees. In fact it was one of them that suggested we look at international adoption in the first place).

Kristy, I had to laugh when I read your response. Yes, the reception we continually get is enough to make me question why I even bother posting here anymore. But a question asking for information about IA is a great way to get us to come out of the woodwork.

Let the TD's begin!

Sophie

Sometimes I think "international adoption" questions are fake just to give the parents of internationally adopted children thumbs down.

Why do you say you "should just adopt from the US?" Do you think the US children are more deserving? I don't think so.

Adopt from where your heart is telling you to. Follow your gut instincts and use legal agencies and reputable lawyers, etc. all the way through and you will be fine.

All children deserve a loving family to care for them.

kateiskate

Adopted children are scarred, yes. Damaged so terribly we can't assimilate into society, no. To say that we are all â€œdamagedâ€ is a ridiculous generalizing statement. The story pattichord told you of an adopted girl killing the cat and trying to kill a baby is a stereotype that is just as terrible as the stereotype of adoptees who are perfect and love their adoptive parents with grateful eyes for having been saved. Neither of those stereotypes of IA get anywhere near the reality that is TRA or IA.
International adoptees face a loss of their culture, first country, and in most cases their language in addition to the devastating loss of their first family. The loss of our first family inflicts a â€œprimal woundâ€ upon us. IA tend to struggle to fit in, wonder where they belong, and struggle with their racial identity. Some of us are withdrawn, some of us are outgoing and hide our pain, but that really has more to do with the person than the trauma inflicted on them.
If you choose to adopt internationally, please educate yourself on the affect that relinquishment has on children. There will be challenges, but there are challenges to all forms of parenting. Do yourself a favor and check out this link.
http://nancyverrier.com

Randy B

Personally, we adopted from India however we were living there for a few years at the time due to my employer. All I can suggest is that you research where you want to adopt from and ensure that you are aware of the positives and negatives involved. The info for India is at the link below.

Check out the site www.informedadoptions.com they have a lot of great information about adoption, specifically IA adoption. They have a forum of educated APs and PAPs, that you can ask more questions, as you continue your research.

Adoption is about a child that needs a family and no child should be considered geographically undesirable just because they are not a US citizen.

cantstopLinnyG

You are not helping a child from another country. You are helping to fill the void you have due to infertility. If you truly wish to parent, consider foster care or foster to adopt here in the US. Those are the only kids who need help.

http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemovie

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/outlook/2009-01-11/adoption/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/09/AR2009010903118.html

http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2004/4/emw117838.htm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12185524

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/outlook/2009-01-11/adoption/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27859660

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.php?story_id=4508&page=0

Just because a child is available for "adoption" in a foreign country, doesn't make the adoption legal, or moral.

stanleys_2001

My sister and her husband did it TWICE.

Once from Bulgaria and the second from Russia.

It's not without it's trials... since then... I've met a bunch of people that they've met though the various programs.

Look for a SUPPORT GROUP or an adoption organization.

Good luck with that!

FisSH

My parents adopted a baby from China, it was a good choice. I think the whole process to get her took about a year or a year and a half, then when they went over there to get her they were required to spend two weeks sightseeing around China with her to help with bonding. They're glad they did, and its been fun having her as a sister. You won't have trouble finding a child to adopt either, there are a lot of orphans due to China's one child per family rule.

Independ"ant"

"We have done some research on the internet"

Move to the country you wish to take a child from and see whats really going on....not whats being blown up your a** by other Aps that don't want to look like lone freaks or agencies just trying to get money out of you.

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