Well, I've been expecting this one, and it finally happened. The dreaded "family tree" project in school.

chiliswoman

My son put anyone he considered to be part of his extended family onto his tree. Uncle Mark and Uncle Jim- gay lovers who were his god parents. Princess Diana whom he adored. Anyone and everybody and we just dropped them in where ever it made the most sense. I told the teacher that this was his family - and the people he loved. And reluctantly she agreed. He got an A.

Man, I can't believe the school wants both adoptive and biological. It may not be possible for some to have the biological or even the adoptive in some cases. That's pretty unkind, maybe someone should have a little chat with the teachers and enlighten them. good luck

Jen

It does sound like the teacher is being a little insensitive about this project. It not only leaves adoptive children feeling they are inadequate & different because they can't fill in their tree completely - it microscopicly looks at the workings of every childs family - realisticly this is nobody's business!

I have no solutions for you - I grew up in an adoptive situation too but thank goodness I was never given the "family tree" project to complete! Good luck.

Crucio

Its odd that they would want both bio and adopted family. Donâ€™t they realize many adoptees donâ€™t have that information. Its very unfair they should have just told him to do the tree of the family that has is raising him.

I had to do a tree when i was in High school and I just did my adoptive family and noted my year of birth and year that I was official adopted. I also put down European and African since I at least know those are the regions birthparents ancestors were from. When I got the project my mom said I should just have my name and two lines to unknown. But I said no because I wanted to do a tree. It worked out fine because my teacher that assigned it she was also adopted. She actual made an announcement before the project that if anyone in the class was adopted and didnâ€™t feel comfortable doing a tree to speak to her and they could do an alternative project if they wanted too.

The Professor

Try to ask the teacher about how it could emotionally scar him and ask for an alternative assignment if you feel it might end up hurting him about why mommy and daddy are different than him.

sassy sarah

I hope your son gets extra credit for that assignment!! Goodness gracious, I doubt his teacher realized the tree/rings would be so complex. But really, the teacher made it much more difficult than it needed to be. No other kid in his class is going to have anything that complicated.

You have a smart little man there. It sounds like he is a good student.

Jennifer W

My daughter just did this project (she's adopted from South Korea) and we have no family info on her at all. So, we added her birth parents down at the bottom as her roots and then we added another root for her foster parents and then we just went into the family history on each side of them family for the rest of it. It was so wondeful and she was so proud of her tree and that it was so unique with roots at the bottom. It does sound like the teacher is being very insensitive about the adoption...maybe you could just have a small chat with the teacher and say this is uncomfortable for adopted children since some don't know anything about their birth families. Maybe the teacher had never thought of this or come across this yet. Good luck!

mlassi65

I HATED the family tree project in school. My teacher even told me my tree was fake because I was adopted and my tree reflected my afam (I had no info for nfam). My son was assigned this project just a few months after I found my nfamily. His tree was interesting. A suggestion for your son's tree, is to have him in the middle with one side being afam and the other side being nfam. The teacher also needs to understand that not all adoptees have information on their natural families.

Giliathriel

I remember doing mine in school...and it was about the same as yours because my mom adopted me as a single parent, so there was no paternal side of the family. I didn't really mind though, and it made a lot less work for me! As for the biological part, the teacher told me I could just do my adoptive one...but I'm assuming you knew your birth family?

LisaHW

I have one adopted and two biological children. I always pointed out to them how they are "melting pot babies" - which is true.

I knew nothing about my son's biological family except their nationality and history of abuse.

I raised all three of my children with the idea that all three were raised in the environment they were raised in because of whatever my parents and grandparents did, their values, and whatever their culture was.

To me, it isn't the business of the school to be pointing out genetic family trees. This is why adopted children feel adopted, rather than "just like everyone else". It isn't that I think adoptees don't have a right to look into their genetic background when they grow up, but when they're children schools and everyone else ought to accept that they are the product of the only parents they know. (That isn't all that incorrect since nurturing actually determines brain connections and development in the first three years of life. Also, adopted parents raise their children with values they got from their own parents.)

As far as I'm concerned my oldest son is every bit as much the grandson of a WWII veteran and the great grandson of a guy who wore kilts as his brother is.

When my son was little we agreed that whether or not I was the one who delivered him was between him and me. I didn't put anything about his being adopted on school records because I didn't want any school people's putting their two cents in on what it means to be adopted.

Even when it comes to a child's immune system, nurturing in the first three years of life can determine whether that child has one that functions well. It can determine how a child's brain responds to stress - for the rest of his life.

Adoptive parents don't determine their child's hair and eye color, but when they actually alter a child's brain's physiology and the kind of person that child will be they have a far big role than many realize. Again, the adoptive parents' culture is the one in which children are raised as well. Their values are those passed down by their parents.

Just the other night there was a thing on a news program, talking about how genes get "watered down" over the generations anyway.

When schools and society in general recognize the impact adoptive parents have on the person their child becomes, and when people start to recognize what little significance their genetic background has (particularly past their biological mother and father and grandparents), adopted children won't be treated differently by the schools.

If my son had had one of those projects I would have given him all the information I had about my family and his father's family and told him, "This is our family's background." I would have told him, "Some day if you want to trace your biological roots you can do that, but for the purposes of this project this is your family's background."

Kim

I wonder what the actual point of this assignment is? This seems like it would be difficult for LOTS of kids, not just adopted students.

I am not adopted (but my children are) and I don't think I could go back five generations with my family. My family does not have any geneologists -- and also has lousy record keepers. My parents are still living, so could probably give me the names of their grandparents (I don't know them) -- but past that, I doubt it.

lahdh4

I have just read that friends did it as a branched tree. She said that she had a crabapple/apple tree and could see how it would be easier to write it up that way.

taraloha

What a crock!

I can see why a child might want to include his birth family (as much as he knows about them) in a family tree project, and he should if it's his desire to do so. But to make it a requirement to include *both* families is crazy! That teacher has her head up her rear end when it comes to sensitivity and fairness.

I think the "roots" idea is a good one; congratulations for coming up with it! I will try to remember this if my six year old has a similar project in the future. I can't believe a teacher would fail you for not having 1/2 of your tree filled in. She should have been fired. If it had been a race or gender issue, she would have been.

I was not adopted (born to and lived with my biological parents until I was 17), and I'm *sure* I couldn't even go back five generations in my family! This whole project is stupid. Maybe you could ask if your son could do an alternative project for equal credit. Go to the administration of the school and talk to them about this teacher's insane requirements. I know I would.

kaluah96

yes, stop doing family trees. my son had this project in kindergarden and it effected me more than i even expected it to. we had to do pictures so i did my adopted family. It wasn't until my son came home and said, "mommy everybody asked me why everybody on my tree is white." I burst into tears ( we are black and korean). I had never thought to tell my son i was adopted. it has been my identity sense i was 12. i'm the adopted kid, they don't see me as family but like a family friend. it just never occured to me to say anything. so, basically i sent him into a time bomb.

Maybe i'm being overly sensitive but i was just an adopted parent. i can imagine how hard it could be for an adopted child.

i am a bio child and i hated this project. I had to do it in college also for a soicology class i can only go back two generations. My family is not orginally from the US so i can't go back any further than my grand parents.

Peter A

Tell your son that he should only fill in your familys part - you are his family, not the birth parents

And have a quiet word with the school principal about the insensitivity of their teachers

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