Were you an unplanned pregnancy?

BOTZ

I was unplanned. I was NOT unwanted. Especially by my natural mother. I felt more 'unwanted' the older I grew in my adoptive family. They did not 'want' my strong (stubborn) personality. They did not 'want' my unique educational needs. They did not 'want' me to 'want' my natural mother/parents. They did not 'want' my body to look other than exactly like theirs. That's where my 'unwanted' feelings started -- in the family that supposedly "chose" me.

Your question made me think of something. If (as some incorrectly assume) that unplanned = unwanted, then what does that say about infertile people (myself most likely being one -- haven't looked any further than 'no protection and no pregnancy' so far...and yes, I'm married)?

Hear me out...here's what I mean. How many even *deeply* wanted children are really, truly planned? I mean, which fertile parents actually KNOW exactly when they will get pregnant. Some get pregnant (as one who answered recently in the TTC group) "first time out of the gate". Some start 'trying' and it's many months or years before a pregnancy occurs. Were they 'planned'? If the parents had truly 'planned' the pregnancy -- in every detail -- wouldn't they have 'planned' to get pregnant sooner?

I hope this doesn't sound harsh...I don't mean it to. We're in the "many months into trying" category ourselves. If I could have 'planned' the pregnancy I wanted (want) I would be pregnant now. I'm not. So, perhaps, even 'planned' pregnancies are less planned than they seem at first blush. They are, surely, wanted. My (hopefully future) pregnancy is very much wanted, but the 'plan' hasn't been quite what we 'planned' -- so to speak. :-)

What do you think? I've barely given this any thought (the question of 'planned' pregnancy and 'wanted' pregnancy) as it just now occurred to me that they are different -- because of this question.

Thanks for making me think! Good luck!

LaurieDB

No. My first parents were married and wanted children.

However, I know PLENTY of people raised by their biological parents who were unplanned. Unplanned certainly does not equate to "unwanted."

PhilM

I was. ;)

And my mom didn't even know what abortion was, so never considered it. (How's that for irony?)

cruzgirlz3

Well, I certainly wasn't planned. As for my three kids? Two out of three were unplanned, but very much wanted and loved.

Possum

I was unplanned.
My father offered marriage - but my mother's mother forced her to travel to another state to give me up for adoption.
They married 6 months after my birth.

The reason why so many lob these ridiculous questions on adoptees - is because perhaps they are ignoranct/uninformed/uneducated.
Either that - or they're just cruel people.
I'm hoping it's the former - and not the latter.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

I was unplanned

I was not adopted

my son was unplanned, but he is still with me

Because people are too figgin ignorant and stubborn to see the truth

Jennifer L

Yup! I was a "menopause" baby. It was considered a high risk pregnancy only due to my mother's age and Roe vs Wade had just happened. Abortion was mentioned as a consideration for health reasons, but my mother refused.

She said I was the easiest pregnancy and delivery of her five children.

Anon

I was, along with both my brothers.

My older brother was conceived and my parents got married before he was born, then I was born and then my younger brother. Accidents, not mistakes. :)

tish

yep.

and so were my first two children.

but somehow, i was raised by my natural mother, i raised the children born to me and nobody was adopted. (although i seriously dodged a bullet with my first son.)

and many women contemplate abortion, yet parent. it's only those who wish to push the adoption agenda that believe that the alternative is adoption.

Heather Leigh

I was unplanned. My Mom was only 18. She was planning on ending her relationship with my father. She ended up married to him (Because the is the right thing to do). They divorced less than a year after I was born because he could not handle raising a child that had special needs.

My oldest child was also a "pleasant surprise". I was only 17 and in my Senior year of high school. My doctors had always told me that I could not have children...Guess I fooled them!

I was an unplanned pregnancy. My mother was 17 at the time.
She never considered abortion or adoption.

Torrejon

I think most people are unplanned.

Mom to Foster Children

My older brother and I were planned! My parents wanted two children...but when they became pregnant the second time - they got a bonus...my twin sister!

Phoenix

Oh yeah definitely unplanned, hence my adoption. Same situation with my a-brother too.

But I know plenty of other unplanned babies who were kept by their original parents. I was just unlucky I guess :(

But yeah, kids that are kept by their original parents are never told to be grateful that they weren't aborted. Maybe adoptees should tell them to be grateful that they were kept by their original parents, instead of them telling us to be grateful that we were abandoned.

I bet even some planned pregnancies have been aborted for various reasons, e.g. for medical reasons or if the relationship goes bust & the mom feels unable to be a single mother or something.

smilie face

i was planned. it was just a surprise that my mom got pregnent so fast. and i have a ton of friends who were unplanned/almost aborted.

grapesgum

Unplanned, wanted, and loved my entire life by both of my (still married) parents. I doubt that they would have considered abortion if it was available. They also refused to consider adoption. My two youngest siblings were unplanned and my mother was offered abortions due to her "advanced age" which she rejected.

Around 60% of pregnancies are unplanned. Just imagine all of those millions of people blissfully running around not being grateful that they weren't aborted.

duckling0224

weren't most of us unplanned? I mean I know that both my brother and I were, and most of my friends were. My son, however, was planned. We both knew we wanted to have a baby and wanted one while we were still young. I am 27 and my son is 6 now. But we also knew that we didn't want any more than one.

Just a Mom

I think I was planned, but the rest of my siblings were surprises! I don't know why people assume that. I have a very large sibling group and people say stupid stuff like that all of the time.

flowergirl

Since most of the people in this forum are adoptees, I would say most of us were unplanned!

As for the second question...I don't necessarily think that people assume adoptees are the only ones who could've been aborted. There's a lot of women out there that would never consider giving their baby up for adoption. Many women seem to think their only options are raising their baby or aborting it.

5littlemonkeys

I was definitely unplanned. My parents barely knew each other. They married 7 months after my birth and had my unplanned brother a few months latter. They had my unplanned sister 8 years latter. Their now divorced.

Independ"ant"

My youngest brother was.

I think people assume it because they buy into what agency's are feeding them. It a ploy the pro life religious organizations use to justify their desire to involve themselves in an individuals choice. There's nothing like confusing up a teen without a support system to get what you want out of them. Why do you think so many young teen moms have to be guilted, manipulated, threatened into placing their children after they give birth. Thats something they don't want to look at or talk about because it goes against the adoption vs. abortion b/s.

monkeykitty83

No, I was a bit of an anomaly because my parents tried to conceive for about ten years before they managed to have a child.

But I'm inclined to think a really large percentage of pregnancies weren't planned, just because of the sheer randomness involved in conception. Unplanned definitely doesn't necessarily mean unwanted.

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