What age do you think is the MOST difficult age to be adopted?

HappyMomAnna

The research and studies I have seen state that children under the age of 2 years and over the age of 12 or siblings groups of 3 or more children "transition" or adjust with fewer issues.

Children between the ages of 3-11 are more likely to have the greatest difficulty adjusting. And the reasons are speculated to be about several factors including the ability to understand and verbalize their feelings and not yet having the true understanding of what being moved for adoption actually means.

Most children over the age of 12 generally will Want to be adopted or not and their personal feelings will have a lot to do with how they adjust to a new family placement.

Statistically, there is evidence that the most stable and easiest transitions happen with sibling groups as they do not suffer the complete loss of connection with their biological families and in many cases develop a deeper bond with each other. They also have fewer issues in the area of Trust because they can communicate and share the experience with each other.

Our son was 1 year and his sister was 5 years when they were placed in our family--beyond a shadow of a doubt the 5 year old had the most difficult time. Six years later this is still the case for our daughter and our son sailed right through the therapy we got for some Anxiety he displayed early on...but, has not shown any other attachment issues since. Our daughter has Reactive Attachment Disorder.

My conclusion is that if we adopt anymore children we might consider 12 year old triplets! (joke) or some teenage siblings who Want to Be Adopted.

Gaia Raain II

I'm going to say infancy. I could be wrong, but let me tell you why I say that.

My bff has closely followed my adoption journey. We talked about adoption all through her recent pregnancy with her now 5 week old son. I've learned so many things, and have shared it all with her. She's done quite a bit of research on her own now that she realizes there's so much more to it.

She called me this morning just to tell me that she finally "gets" it. Last night, she gave her son to his dad so that she could go get some things done. Now, they have been married going on 10 years, he was there throughout the pregnancy, and baby O knows his dad's voice, and dad holds him all the time, rocks him, etc. So, my bff walked away to get her things done, and she was only gone about five minutes. O screamed THE WHOLE TIME. She was thinking he wasn't getting enough to eat just from breast feeding, so she made him a bottle while she was doing her other tasks, thinking that maybe he needed more substantial food and that's why he was crying.

When she came back to hold O, he stopped crying. Immediately. He didn't want the bottle. Didn't need his diaper changed. He just wanted his Mother.

She said that right in that moment, it finally hit her how gut wrenching it is for babies whose mothers just disappear. Imagine if she had just never come for him. He would have been devastated. And no amount of explaining to a tiny baby is going to make it make sense. The one and only thing in the entire world that baby NEEDS is...just...gone.

23 year old texas female married

I agree with Gaia Raain II. My newborns never cared for anybody else but me. My 12 week old doesn't like taking a bottle from her dad while I am at work. Most of the time she rather sleep in the swing and when I come home for lunch she nurses and cuddles me and breastfeeds. I have a family friendly work environment that allows a flexible schedule.

Since in my pregnancy books it says a newborn has a hard time learning the difference of being an individual. They feel as though they are one with their mother. That's why they always want to cuddle and co-sleep and breastfeed. They want to be with their mother.

I know had I been adopted at age 5 like my teacher wanted to do and I wanted to do I would have had little to no problems with it. The same as being a teenager if my friends mother wanted to adopt me I'd had no problem with.

It depends on the person being adopted how they would respond. I would rather in a positive way because I knew my mother didn't want me. I felt like a burden to her. I still hold that feeling of being a burden.

BOTZ

Anytime before the age of majority -- when the adopted one (or one TO BE adopted) has no say in it.

Yes, I know that kids in foster care TRULY need homes... but the question is about when it is "most difficult".

Only when a person is of an age to actually (legally) consent to the adoption could it really be "less difficult".

Adopted shortly after birth -- wish I wasn't (then or EVER)!

Laurel J

All of them....

JennaBear

To be honest, I'd say infancy or before the age of 1, because not only is it traumatic, people don't recognize that it is and help us adoptees work through it. If you're adopted before the age of 1 I can guarantee that most people will expect you to feel that adoption didn't cause any problems in your life AND you should feel like a normal part of the family. I think the older the child is the harder it is for AP's to pretend the child didn't have a first family.

Adoption isn't easy at any age, though, so I don't want to give that impression...

ETA:So I just read Gaia's answer, and she seems to have more eloquently explained what I was just trying to get across.

madalyns mama. ttc #2

15. thats the age at when i was adopted and it screwed me up for life

andre

im 17, and i was just adopted. and let me tell u, as a teen, it'll mess your life up, because DSS and MTS do nothing but try to control your life until you're old enough to get out of the system.

Mom to Foster Children

Right from Birth~!

**Mija**

i think when they r old enought to remember thrier parents

himkky@talk21.com

basically from 3 up it become difficult as they have memory's from that age but depending on what happened in there passed a baby as Young as 6 months can have problems if they have had a very bad start in life where a 6 year old may have had an ace life so be easier to look after so it really if far to hard to say

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