What are Aps looking for when they chose children just by looking at pictures?

Looney Tunes

Hey, PICK ME ~ I am white, little, green eyes, thin, blond hair, and today I wore my favorite yellow shirt with no stains and a new pair of jeans. NO one really knows what I went through so I have no behavior problems that are listed on this photo.

Don't I look like an angel....today......

PICK ME

Well I have not adopted like that but I will give you an experience I had. When my wife and I did a study abroad in India we visited three orphanages there was one girl who we just fell in love with . She was like 3 years old and really took to my wife out of the 20 people from our group that visited. She sat on her lap sang songs and played. We were there for a few hours on a tour and for educational experience and India at the time was still closed to IA adoption. We were not ready to adopt but we had talked about it for years.
If India was open and if we were ready to adopt we would of inquired about her . I can't explain it. It was not a looks thing or even age she just bonded with us .

Mei-Ling

Many APs don't walk into orphanages to "choose" children, Independ"ant".

It still happens but is very rare.

Most just get referred to a random child. Yes, I said random.

http://about-orphans.blogspot.com/

[Some professionals' insights -

"The chosen child and the grateful child myths are two beliefs that die hard. Although made to feel as if it were the case, most adoptees do not feel chosen so much as they feel unchosen by their birth mothers. To be chosen by anyone else after that is anticlimactic. So far as being grateful, it is the adoptive parents who should be grateful. They are the ones pursuing the adoption. They are the ones who got what they wanted. No child would choose to be separated from his biological mother. That he may have to be separated from her is a different thing altogether. That is an intellectual, adult decision, not an emotional/sensual baby experience. Although grateful for many things his parents may have done for him, no child should be obligated to feel grateful for having a loving set of parents. That should be his right."]

anikkalane

I saw a few photos on my adoption agencies website of waiting children while I was finalizing paperwork. I just looked for a child who, on a very emotional level to me, looked like she fit with our family, both by photo and by the written description. Once my paperwork was final, the agency emailed me a photo of my daughter. I just took one look at the photo & said "That's my daughter!". There was never a question.

I did have certain things I had asked for, such as an older girl, minor disability ok, but really most of it was up to the agency. For folks not adopting a "waiting child", there is usually little choice. I think most folks looking for a waiting child do what I did: they look for a child that just looks like they would 'fit' with their family.

But I think a lot happens on a gut level, you just feel that it is right. And sometimes it is funny as well, but even children adopted across racial lines often appear to 'look like' their parents. Why is that?

Sofiakat

We were shown a picture of my son after we heard his case history. To be honest, they only showed us the picture after we agreed that we would begin to foster-to-adopt him and his sister.
When I looked at the picture, I saw a child. Just a child. I think I was a little overwhelmed at the time with the prospect of a sibling group with so many emotional and physical issues. It was not what I had originally planned for and my first thought was um I need a crib and a toddler bed and two of everything. Anyway, the picture made no difference to me at the time. We had already decided that we would foster them.

Mom to Foster Children

Hi All,

We didn't adopt like this either. But when I was asked "if we would adopt J if they terminated his parents rights" the love that was in both our hearts was enough to say yes - of course we would. I couldn't bare having to tell him that he had to move again!

We have family that somewhat adopted this way - as they were brought to a meeting of sorts to meet this "little" boy - gosh, I think he was 9 when they met him. They came home telling all of us just how much he looked like them. I guess that was important to them.

Indian-vision

Mei- Ling- Domestic adoptions in India do take place this way even now.

My ex- neighbour who adopted 1.5 years ago told me of her experience. She had first picked a very young 2-3 month old baby. Then the orphanage director advised her that babies that come here have high mortality rate. She was then introduced to a 8 month old very very sad baby who she said came to her and clung to her willingly. The orphanage director told her that this child had been there past 3-4 months and had proved she was a survivor (health wise) including the fact as a baby girl gets older lesser chance of her being adopted. So those were the reasons that helped her decide.

allchildrenareangels

I think you know. A child that pulls on your heart strings. For me I think it would be a child that looks similar to my children.

BLW_KAM

When my daughter was a little over one, I wanted to adopt a child from foster care. I went to the library and looked at the book of children available for adoption. (Yes, I know choosing children out of a catalog is disturbing, but that's one way our state does it.)

I didn't think I'd be the best mom for a boy, so I was thinking about a girl. One child in particular really made me pause. She was bi-racial (like J), wanted a little sister, loved to read, and liked to style hair.

We never met her. Without going into the gory details, I got very sick a few months later and any hope of adopting again got squashed.

I often wonder what could have been.

monkeykitty83

When I looked at photo listings, it was more to get a general idea of the children who were in need of homes (I was looking at sibling groups specifically,) their ages, special needs, etc. I could have done that without the photos, but they had photos included already. I wasn't looking for one specific characteristic, just trying to see what type of children were in need of homes.

I also think sometimes the photos make the child seem more "real" to the prospective adoptive parents, and provide a more tangible connection. Looking into the eyes of the child you might be raising, even if just a photograph, often makes more of an emotional impression than just words about them on paper. Many people are very visually oriented, and photos can provide a first sense of connection to one's future child, more than just words in a file.

Erin L

It's really quite rare that ap's "pick" their child, although I do know of one international adoption program (Ukraine) where parents go to the country and "pick" from a book of photos. I couldn't tell you how they make that decision. I don't know of a single adoptive parent who actually walked through a room of children and picked one.

I don't know what I think of parents choosing from a special needs or older child photolisting (I don't think they have "healthy" white baby photolistings. We all know there's a waiting list for them), and I don't know how one would choose a child that way. I find the idea of "choosing" this way very distateful, harmful for the children to have to "advertise" themselves, ughhh. However, parents who adopt this way are adopting special needs or older children, not the type to pick the prettiest picture, not after the newborn white baby. Maybe they do have a savior complex, but I know of many who adopt this way and don't. And, it is sometimes the only chance the children have to be adopted, so I don't know. Another one of those complicated issues that seem to go round and round in my head with no good answer.

opedial

Colour of their skin and inherint cuteness. Only beautiful children thank you very much.

In fact we did not look at pic's, but have looked at them of waiting children while we were going through our adoption. When we moved to Ontario we had a placement so fast we didn't explore any we saw on the waiting children's list, but I wondered what people looked for. I know the internet never really addressed core problems and it seemed to be mroe of a "selling" feature.

The first thing I looked for when reading the biographies was any sign of FASD. But this in fact is what I looked at in the pictures. Not politically correct, but I fostered FASD children and I know that my skills are not in this area.

But I do really hope people are not using it to look for the most attractive children. (was just joking aside for those who have already thumbed me down. My kids are gorgeous, but that is besides the point) and I hope they are using it to better inform themselves about what the range is for those children who are waiting.

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