What are some benefits to adopting an older child.?

wynn

Some things we liked about adopting older children:

Not just no diapers - no toting a diaper bag around everywhere, no formula, no special food. No floaties in my cup should I share a drink with my children. No having to plan around a nap schedule. Older children can pick out their own clothes and get themselves dressed. If you're at the store and they have to 'go', they can wait.

I did get to know the health problems that my children had ahead of time, so that I was prepared.

They could speak, so they could tell us when they were feeling down, or sick, or whatever. Also, they could tell us firsthand about their life before they knew us.

They came to us with all their own passions for things, which of course we try to get them involved in more, and this has opened up new interests for us. Our kids have marvelous personalities and they just burst on us fully formed, we feel so lucky every day to get to live with them. I think, with older child adoption, there's less tendency to expect the children to behave like children born to you might, if you know what I mean. You can't think of them like a blank slate.

We got to do all kinds of fun things without having to wait several years - I taught my kids to swim and dive in the first few months. They learned to skate. We're just finishing their first season of little league. They just loved being part of a team. They love any kind of activity with other children, and their joy is contagious.

We adopted siblings, and besides everything else, it's so wonderful that they have each other to share memories with. As much as they sometimes argue, they have the security that comes from living with someone who shares the same roots and experiences. Besides, the crazy laughter and pillow fights are fun.

Gaia Raain

Knowing you're giving a home to a child who NEEDS one (because s/he has already lost his/her parents, and isn't going back, whereas children given up at birth could probably live quite well, and happily, with their mothers).

Knowing you're doing the right thing by not feeding the adoption machine/business.

Being able to sleep at night. (That's a good one - I like sleep.)

Knowing that you became what a child needs - instead of asking him/her to become what you want.

Reducing the number of kids in foster care (or orphanages if it's an older child via international adoption).

I love your list! Especially that last one. Again with the becoming what your child needs. If you KNOW what they need, you can prepare for it.

Possum

Great question - and you've brought up some very good points.
The glaringly obvious thing that jumps out at me - is that the benefit of adopting an older child - is that it's benefiting the child (a child that most definately NEEDS a loving home) - far above benefiting the adult.
Which - is what adoption should be about.
I know you know that - but sadly many don't.
A truly loving act - is taking in a child that really needs care - to help them grow - to help them know what real love is.
An even more unselfish loving act - would be taking in a young expectant mother - and helping her to parent.
*sigh*

Heather Leigh

I agree with all the bonuses that you mentioned. I especially agree with the no diaper thing...Somehow in my old age, I can no longer tolerate changing diapers.

I also like the fact that you have some of the child's family history and have an idea of where the child needs extra help. You may also have at least some idea of the medical history. At least we did, but our child was our foster child first. In the begining the goal was reunification with his Mother.

Santa's Lil' Helper

I think you did a pretty good job of listing the benefits.

There are many wonderful sibling groups in the system. Just because a child is older in the foster care system does not mean that they are "mental defects". As a parent you are NEVER guaranteed perfection with biological children or adopted. If perfect is what you want then parenting is not for you.

I think the adoption industry, social workers and the states do a lackluster job of promoting adoption of older foster children. Although with the institution of the Heart Gallery they have added some warm photos that really help the personalities of these children shine through. But so more needs to be done.

StacieG

Out of diapers
No 3 a.m. feedings
Able to dress themselves
Able to understand and communicate more about adoption
Able to remember more about their birth family so you can keep those memories alive
Can discuss feelings instead of only being able to act out on feelings to express themselves
Lots of fun and funny moments with older kids
They're able to chip in more with the family (not only help out more, but also just contribute to family communication & closeness)
They can play games
You don't have to take a diaper bag everywhere
They can feed themselves
Many of them are hungry for a mom & dad

That's all that springs immediately to mind.

Jennifer L

Okay, this is going to sound like those entitled adoptive parent things, but one of the things I find most fulfilling about adopting older children is getting to see the world through their eyes. There are so many "firsts" with my children, many of the things that we just take for granted. I share their excitement and love watching them explore, learn and grow.

It's also been amazing just getting to know them, likes & dislikes, thoughts and feelings, perceptions, wishes and dreams. Yes, older children aren't "blank slates", but that's not necessarily a bad thing either. It can be a wonderful discovery.

I've learned so much, not just about the two people who are my children, but about myself, the world around me and the indominatable strength of the human spirit.

Sounds cheesy, I admit. But it's true.

æˆ‘ çˆ± ä½

Well you don't have to watch after them as much as toddlers or babies. They also can tell you if they need something whereas babies can't. Older kids definately don't throw any tantrums.

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