What are the best and worst reasons for adopting?

BOTZ

Best:
To share blessings of love as well as material blessings with children who are TRULY in need of a home -- actual orphans, children whose parents' rights have been terminated, etc. To assume care and responsibility for a child WITHIN your own family, in order to preserve biological, familial connections for that child and spare them the anguish of out-of-family adoption...and to share the same blessings mentioned above.

Worst:
Infertility, any kind...and I AM infertile...so, no need to jump on my over this one. I would never adopt because I WANT to be a mom. That would only be about what I WANT.
To save a marriage.
To give a child already in the family a sibling.
To choose a child's gender, race, age, ANYTHING.
To be a savior, martyr, angel...to be looked upon favorably.

Basically, for ANY reason that is not about GIVING to a child -- ANY reason.

Mom to Foster Children

Best reasons - to give a child a home who has none

Worst reasons - to fill a void in your life - for the money - to become a hero or deemed better than others who haven't...

here are a few - I am sure you will get more

Lillie

The best reason...if you are taking in a child who has been (truly) orphaned or whose parents' rights have been already legally terminated for valid reasons, after all efforts to keep the family intact have failed.

The worst reasons?
"I just wanna be a mommy at any cost"
"I have tried to conceive for xx years and decided to resort to adopting"
"I think it would be cool to have a Chinese kid, and an African kid, and a Guatemalan kid, and..."
"I have given birth to 4 boys, I want a GIRL to round out my family!"
"My son/daughter needs a sibling"

and the number one, most disgusting reason:

"I don't want to get stretch marks"

snowwillow20

The best reason would be because the child has no parents.

tish

best:

-to give a parentless/abused/neglected child a home.

worst;

-infertility due to lifestyle choices (obesity, age, STIs...)
-last choice after IVF.

Erika10108

The best reasons are to take in a child that would otherwise be unloved, and trying to make a difference one child at a time. The worst would be, for your own personal satisfaction.

Independ"ant"

Best reason....the child is a real orphan...doesn't have any relatives or extended family to care for them OR the child was removed from an abusive home.

Worst......you want to be or feel like a mom/dad.
IMHO that should only be considered a perk.

Adoption should always just be about the child not filling the demand of childless people.

LJacks

Best reason- a child is in need of a loving home
Worst reason- lord there are too many really bad reasons, but I would say the worst I have actually heard of is to have children to do housework, etc. I'm sure there have been many bad reaosns to adopt a child, but I don't want ot think about them.

Nora

best ; a child to love and care for.

worst---to try to save your marriage

AdoreHim

Best and most unselfish reason- to give a child a home that would not have one otherwise. However, that said, I don't think it is a bad reason, to just want a child. Some women get pregnant when they are not wanting a child, that is worse isn't it? Also when a couple decides to have a child, they want their biological child - because they want to parent a child, why would that be wrong to want that as an adoptive parent as well?

EDIT- by the way, for the person above my answer- we don't just feel like a mom or dad- WE ARE

Indian-vision

Worst reason is the "best reason" for most people here. But people haven't thought this through. People do not understand when a person adopt ONLY because some one has lost a family is because they take pity on you. They want to be a messiah.

A good reason runs much deeper. It is a deep desire to parent a child in the same way a couple decide to get pregnant. Without a place in your heart and home and that love you want to share with a child you can never adopt for the "right" reason. Fertility is irrelevant on what sorts of parent they will make.

Absolutely agree that child should truly need a home and not be taken unethically. example- orphaned, abandoned due to cultural practises, removed from abuse.

IMO worst reasons-
- A unpaid person to do your chores (not uncommon in India....)
- Save your marriage
- Fill a void for any reason
- Charity is the worst reason !!!

More,.......but can't remember just now.

Zeena

The WORST reason I have EVER heard was..."I want to adopt a teenage foster girl so when she becomes of age, we can be a couple".

I honestly could not tell you if he was serious or not and that saddens me.

Torrejon

The worst reason I have ever heard of adopting is to replace a child that died.

I don't really think there are any good reasons to adopt. You can provide love, security, etc. to a child without pretending to be his/her parents.

Mama of 2

It's different for everyone...

Best - to provide a home for an otherwise orphaned kid (foster system, etc).

Worst - Obviously for any criminal or psycho reasons...

I think it's fine when a person wants badly to be a parent. That's what parentless children need, isn't it? I'm not talking about people trying to get newborns at any cost, which does happen, but children who haven't been adopted and their parents are NOT involved.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Ditto Lillie! You can't get better than that!

Danielle A

Best: Your helping a kid out that could have no food, shelter, clothing...you name it ...and they probably don't have it! You are like a life savior for those sweet kids that need someone to love and care for them! I totally want you to adopt and you will figure out that you did the right thing once you finally get one of your own!
Worst: The whole procedure is expensive...but its worth it!
Once you get started to adopt it takes quit a while until you actually receive the baby..
Good luck and i hope you make the right decision!

swimmer girl

Adoption is the best! I was adopted from china and now I am in America. Being adopted gave me a chance to be successful in life, and to be free. Although I will never know my birth family, I am loved to death by my parents here. My birth family's spirits will live on in my heart forever. There are no bad reasons for adopting. God paired m with the perfect family.

Biena

Best reason is out of love

Bad reason... the pet store was out of cute puppies

I truly don't believe anyone adopts for only one reason and I also believe some of those reasons are selfish and some are selfless. Who are we to judge if a family was blessed with growth and love.

Summer L

Best and worst reasons?

The worst reasons should be very clear and should not need to be put on a 'pro' and 'con' list.

Although I have seen some appalling answers for worst:
"To fill a void in your life"
"I just want to be a mommy at any cost"
"Personal satisfaction"

If you have a void in your life that can only be filled with a child, why contribute to the over-population by having your own? Why not give all the love you have to a child that *really* needs it??

If you want to be a mommy at any cost, why be shallow enough to sit around and pity yourself for not being able to have children? For goodness sake - adopt one!

Personal satisfaction? Really? If you will not gain satisfaction from having a child that means that you do not really want one. If satisfaction is what you seek - adopt that baby and love it with all you have!

Whether you adopt from an agency or foster care - they are all kids that need love and a family and, most of the time, they do not care at all about whether or not they look like the rest of their family. All they want is to be loved and feel like they will not be abandoned - that is what family is about... loving and knowing everyone will always be there for each other.

Most need to think of where they would be if they were not adopted and where the babies from adoption agencies go when they are deemed unadoptable. If there is no waiting family and at 2 months of age the child develops a problem, it is harder to place, just the same as kids in foster care. I am not favoring, both are great choices! They are all still kids with nothing but a broken heart because there are people not willing to love them because it is "stripping" them of their identity, but how can that be when they don't have one to begin with? With a family - they *will* have one!

Very few adoptions do go awry and it is a terrible thing, but it is even more terrible to spend even a fraction of your time trying to 'influence' people to not adopt. Again, where would they be without a family, and not just a foster family, they want to feel like they belong... to a real family.

The best reason to adopt is to give both you and the child the love that you both of you obviously need. Don't let the kids stay homeless - adopt!

adoptee and 7 year foster parent

Debbie Downer

Best reason: I can't think of any.

Worst reason: Any incoherent yammering that comes out of an AP's mouth.

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