What are the effects adoption has?

rachael

i personally didnt have tons of negative effects. the biggest problem i faced was never fitting in. always always the square peg in the round hole. i have gotten over that as i got older, but as a teen-it was crushing. i was not like my afamily AT ALL. and it showed. not that they tried to exclude or make me feel that way, it just happened.

the other problem i had was they did not understand my interests. they wanted me to enjoy and have interest in things THEY liked. they didnt know how to research or nuture any natural traits or interests i had. i truly believe i missed out on my musical and art talents. now im much older and am struggling to bring that out in me.

my issues are very minor in comparison. some adoptees have awful stories of abuse, neglect and worse. im almost embarassed to say these are my only negatives. just for respect of what others have endured.

almost forgot one!! medical. the missing medical info can be devasting. not only for the adoptee, but for their children. i had a personal experience with this and my son. i had nothing to base history off of when he developed a potential neruological problem. talk about FEAR. to know your son my suffer because of some great mystery in your genetics is awful.

DevonChaos

For me personally, I have had serious issues with feeling left behind. I didn't fit in with my adoptive family. My a-parents assumed that since we were all white that we would all fit in well together. I have abandonment issues. I have depression. I have no idea of my medical history which would have been nice to have when my oldest daughter caught a mystery illness that seemed ready to kill her. I don't know my history, my background, or who I really am deep down inside.
I have had many people who have no idea what it means to be adopted, what it IS to be adopted, tell me that my feelings are not right to have. I have been told to be grateful, that I'm a special gift to my parents, and that I owe them. It has taken me a long time to realize that this isn't the way it is, and that I am entitled to feel it all.

Non-adopted people aren't going to understand. They may have a sibling or a spouse, or a parent who is adopted, but until they have lived it every day for their life, they will not be able to fathom the feelings. Just as I cannot fathom the feeling of being of a different race, or having a terminal disease.

Adoption is a part of me every second of every day.

skyward

Abandonment Issues...

Marina

I'm an adoptee with not one negative side effect from it. I come here because I find it amazing that so many people use their adoption as a reason to complain or feel miserable. I read the book "The Adopted Self" and NONE OF IT rang true for me. In fact, I don't even refer to my bio "parents" (and I use that term VERY loosely) as my parents at all. I have no desire to know them or to meet them. None. Zero. And I have known about my adoption since the age of 6. After having four children of my own, I can honestly say that there was no extreme bond with my birth mother. Had there been, she never would have said goodbye. The MOMENT I held my babies I could never let them go. That's a MOTHER'S LOVE. People are fooling themselves if they don't believe there's a detachment between biological "mothers" and their babies....there has to be, otherwise a woman couldn't do it.

My MOTHER the ONLY MOTHER I have, feels a mother's love for me. I have never felt there is anything missing at all, but maybe because I'm not trying to find something. I'm content with who I am and don't need to look for reasons to be upset. I can't believe the cruel judgement that happens in this section whenever ajn adoptee such as myself has no desire to know their birth "parents". It's like you need to be mortally wounded as an adoptee or you're no damn good. Sick. Really.

Look at the teenage girl two people above me blaming her poor grades on the fact that she is adopted? Give me a break. Talk about reaching for excuses! There are two types of people---ones who use adversity to do less with themselves (the ultimate excuse) and those that accept what they have been given and live their best lives anyway. As a therapist, I can advise that if people are really feeling depression over being adopted to such degree, they should see a doctor.

old lady

The most common negative effect is that the child wonders, on both a conscious and a subconscious level, why his or her parents gave him or her up for adoption. Was he not wanted? Was there something wrong with him? Did they die and he was orphaned? Does he have any 'real' family? This last point is really crucial, because many adoptive children don't feel they really belong anywhere and long for someone who is 'real' family.

Downtown

Not fitting in with adopted family
feeling alone
not being able 2 know my bilogical family
not wanted
trust issues
not even being able to know my name
not knowing medical history

NeedASurgery

I had a friend that was adopted and she felt pretty alone all the time. Wound up marrying a guy that was adopted and she felt really good about that.

I had another friend that was adopted - but it was an open adoption and he was really well adjusted because of it.

Shannon :]

Depends on the type of adoption.
My mom divorced and remarried. My step dad adopted my little sister and myself when I was seven. It was great for a while but now at 18 years old, I see why he adopted us in the first place. It made him look good. Honest to God, I found out what a selfish and horrible person he truly is. He brought us up in the Catholic church but his hypocritical ways got the best of him. He doesn't play an active role in my life, he's just kind of there. I'm not miserable, I just wish that he had better morals.
I can only say that hopefully your adoption is one that is for good reasons and everything should be wonderful as long as you can honestly say that this is in the child's best interest and not your own. Best of luck :]

nomiscats

It depends. I knew a guy whose mother didn't tell hm that he was adopted until he turned 18. She thought that it was better that he was older but it really shocked him and he felt very betrayed. He said that everything his whole life has been a lie and he killed himself 2 months after finding out. I also knew a boy who lived acrossed the street from me. He was black and a white family adopted him. He was so happy and loved them very much. It was everyone else that couldn't mind their own business and would harass him saying that he belonged with a black family. He also killed himsef when he got to highschool from being tormented all of those years. So like I said, it depends. I aslo know people who love being adopted and are grateful because they have great lives. I think it is better to let them be informed of this at an early age so it isn't shocking but it can go either way.

Spotty

If the adoption is handled professionally by lawyers and go-betweens, and with love on the parenting side, there shouldn't be very many negative effects.

Parents need to be honest and upfront with their adoptive kids. When parents are dishonest with their adopted children about their origins, it makes the kids think that there is something to be ashamed about. It doesn't have to be that way.

When parents accept their children's differences and unique qualities (e.g. original nationality, culture, etc.), they provide a safe and positive environment for their kids to grow up in. Trying too hard to make their kids a part of their family without respecting the traits they already come with can cause the child can to feel lost.

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