What are the possible reasons that would make a person loathe the idea of adoption?

PhilM

Adoption is not an alternative to abortion. Adoption is an alternative to parenting. Abortion is an alternative to carrying a pregnancy to term.

I don't like adoption (independent of my feelings on abortion, which I have no intention of discussing here), because it is predicated on loss. The child loses his or her original mother during relinquishment. This loss can cause a number of difficulties for the child. Adoption cannot occur without this loss.

I think society needs to face up to this reality, and the complexities involved in adoption, in order to better deal with the fallout from adoption.

I was not mistreated. I have loving adoptive parents. I simply believe that adoption is much more complex a process than society currently acknowledges.

snow flake

I don't know your boyfriends reasons, but yes, adoption really is that bad. I was adopted and would tell anyone who asked me, never, ever do that to your own child. Being abondoned by your own mother hurts way too much.

Heather B

the two are not related, they are two entirely different choices

One is a choice not to go through with a pregnancy at all

The other is a choice not to parent

grapesgum

Has your boyfriend considered that parenting is the natural consequence of pregnancy? Abortion and adoption are human imposed consequences of pregnancy.

Is adoption really that bad? It depends on one's experience with adoption. Some of the people who loath adoption had their infants taken from them forcibly. This was very common in the 50's, 60's and 70's and it still happens today. It is/was usually the result the parents of the women cooperating with their religious organizations or adoption agencies.

Some people who loath adoption are mothers who lost their babies because they believed adoption industry workers who told her that she was doing a brave, noble thing by giving a "more deserving" couple a nice gift. Too late, they realized that the "gift" was their precious child. Their own flesh and blood. They grieve for the rest of their lives. One woman said being a "birthmother" is like being buried alive.

amyburt40

As Phil said, abortion is not the alternative to adoption.
A woman must decide whether or not she wants to be pregnancy. Many women don't want to spend the rest of their lives not knowing their child. That is what happens in adoption especially in 44 states.

Its not a matter of adoptees being mistreated by their adoptive families. The transaction of adoption itself degrades adoptees. Adoptees feel like product to be bought and sold.

Freckle Face

I am an adoptive mom. I do not believe that adoption is the alternative to abortion. If you rule out abortion then you could either parent the child or choose adoption.

There are open adoptions nowadays so you could remain in contact with your child. Make no mistake it will be a loss that will remain with you forever. It is not an easy choice. Only if you are strong enough would i venture further. There are many loving adoptive homes out there just waiting for tiny miracles to love. Adoption has been one of the greatest blessing in my life! Interview the prospective adoptive parents to make sure you will all work together as a team to help the child deal with any feelings of loss.

Think of the hardest decision you have ever made. It will be 10 times harder than that. Make sure you can handle this decision free from anyone elses opinions. I'm not knocking adoption, I just want you or anyone to make an informed decision.
Good Luck

janna w

I totally agree with you. After having both adopted and given birth I could not imagine my life without any of my kids. I think the reason your boyfriend is pro abortion is because if you abort on some level it's not real to him. But when you start to show and feel the baby inside you, and when he/she is finally born it is real. And if he really doesn't want the baby... he probley feels that once you have the baby you'll not want to give him/her up.

Debbie Downer

Read adoptee blogs, first mother blogs, join a support group for first mothers, get first-hand perspectives from women who have already placed their children and from adoptees who are living adoption.

Educate yourself.

Then let your heart be your guide.

ginnyp82

maybe he doesn't want to be found out by his parents, or that he thinks you'll keep the baby and that he'll have to pay child support. maybe he thinks things for kids that go into adoptive services aren't that great, in many cases he'd be correct.

sarahhhhhhh

I'm not sure why people would loathe adoption. I know that some people cant except adoption as being ok. I dont know why and I guess I never will. I wouldnt say that adoption was an alternitive to abortion, although I do know where you are comeing from with that. I think some people think that adoption would hurt too much, attatchment issues etc but I guess you could say the same about abortion. None of us ould know until we were in the situation. People have different feelings and cope with things in there own way.

Good question

slavetofashion69

Sounds like your boyfriend has reasons of his own for not liking the idea. Without getting a better idea of how he feels about the issue, it would be impossible to tell exactly why he hates it so much.

I'm sure most adult adoptees alive today would say that they are glad to be alive, even if they have been through some hardships in their lives. Who hasn't, after all?

Perhaps your boyfriend is scared of the idea of being a father at all, or perhaps he has had or knows someone who has had a bad experience. Of course, no one can tell you for sure except him. Try to pick a time to talk to him when you know you can both spend some time together without being interrupted. It's a big decision, and it's something you'll probably want to work out together and arrive at a solution you both agree to, if possible.

Mama2FourPrincesses

As an adoptee (reliquished at birth) and an adoptive mommy..I understand some who say adoption doesn't exsist without loss and therefore is terrible.
However, my 16 year old mother (with an abusive acholoic father) thought it was best for me to find a family to love and care for me without the turmoil she experienced.
My daughters first parents are incarerated and my home a safe stable place for them.
Life is filled with uncertainty and loss..adoption meets a very real needs for THOUSANDS of children. They are given a home, a family and stability that they wouldn't have had otherwise.
www.adoptive-parenting.com/waiting-chi...
just ask the kids waiting for parents -they will tell you they choose adoption!!!

jessica300

I'm afraid if you go through with adoption you will wish you were instead run over by a car.

I lost my son to adoption over 20 years ago and it's a living hell. The psychological effects of losing a child to adoption are many and they in turn can effect your physical health. The loss is long-term, and can be very severe.

I was reading this PhD thesis on reunion this morning:
http://www.ccnm-mothers.ca/English/articles/AdoptionReunionExperienceThesis.pdf

I know that you are considering adoption and that reunion is something that may - or may not - happen for you and your child 20-30 years down the road. However, if you can think long-term about the effects of adoption this paper outlines some of the things that you may experience as a result of your decision.

I am also just beginning to realize that it is quite possible that I may never know or be a part of my grandchildren's lives if my son does have children. The consequences of adoption are so far-reaching it is difficult for me to give you the bigger picture of what impact it may have on you now and in the future, but believe me it will always be with you. I do loathe adoption and what it has done to me and to my son.

Best wishes

patnlucky

Your boyfriend's logic or reasoning may stem from his wish to "deny (or be in denial)" that you are placing his child with another family. Also, he is not the one who will carry the majority of the guilt (as well as depression, loss, etc.). You, or the mother of the child, will feel these feelings now and for many years to come. Adoption is usually a beautiful alternative to abortion, abandonment, and abuse of an unwanted child. There are mistreated adoptees out there, but there are far more mistreated biological children out there, also.

Serenity

He might feel guilty knowing that he has a child out there that he gave up. If you don't want to have an abortion then don't! Adoption can be a beautiful thing. explore your options. You can even choose to have an open adoption that will allow you to be a part of the child's life. In the end, the choice is yours so make a good one!

Adoptionissadnsick

i wasn't mistreated as an adoptee, but your boyfriend is right. If you can not parent, please return the unwanted potential human to the source.
I wish my mother would have had the option. Being separated from one's mother is like a psychological and emotional death for the infant. Parents are not interchangable. It has caused me a lifetime of pain i would not wish on an enemy. You may find some adoptees that disagree with me, but would you really want to risk your child's future? Abandonment has affected my ability to feel love, it's really a very comprimised empty way to exisit.

LaraSue

Every adoption situation is different. You will hear bad stories and good stories. My daughter placed her baby for adoption and it is very open. We are all very much a part of this child's life. My daughter has no regrets about placing her baby. She can see that the parents can give her everything that my daughter can not(and I am not talking monetarily)
It's a difficult decision and I would advise you to get lots of counseling before you two make it. As for abortion, my personal feelings on that are I would never get one, but I can't tell someone else they can't have one. If you don't want one, he has no right to make you get one. If you choose to parent, he is stuck with the consequences of that, unless he signs over his parental rights. Then you receive no child support. Something to think about.

bessiedarlin

Are you pregnant??

Why kill the baby? There are so many great families that want children and just can't have them for various reasons. Why not bless them?

I guess he has never gone through death and/or wanting something that he just cannot have. My husband and I are good, family people that just cannot have our own children. We have so much love, fun, instruction, etc. to give to a child...and I know that there are many more families out there like us!

Good Luck!! : )

gizellie

It's your body. It's your choice. Regardless of what the adoption mafia on this site will tell you about how horrible it will be for you and for the baby and for everyone in the world it remains your decision. Let's be honest most people that have been adopted lead normal even happy lives. Some don't. As you are not a fortune teller you have to deal with the issues that are currently at hand and that you may have some information on.
First, do you want to terminate your pregnancy?
I think you have pretty soundly determined that for whatever reason that is not an option for you.
Secondly, are you at this time willing and able to raise your child? This is the part that no one but you can know and understand. Search deep with in yourself and discover if you are able to be a mother to this child.
Thirdly, after carefully weighing all options be confident that you have made the correct choice. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do or how to proceed! This is an extremely personal choice that I am sure you have given considerable time to. No one can walk in your shoes. No one has the right to judge your choice.
Good luck to you. :)

crimsonbloodangel

Abortion is terribly wrong. Ending a life that never got a chance is cruel. Though I am not sure what reason he would have, I would rather give up a child than kill it. Living life in a foster home/ orphanage would be better than never living at all.

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