What are the top 10 adoption myths?

Romany

10. That only bitter, angry adoptees want to search (many are bitter and angry because their records are sealed, not because they don't love their adoptive parents.)
9. That finding out the truth is bad because you'll be opening Pandora's Box.
8. That most first mothers are in hiding, fearful of the adoptee "showing up on the doorstep" and ruining their lives.
7. That an accurate up-to-date family medical history is irrelevant and unnecessary.
6. That heritage is interchangable. You are what your adoptive parents are. Even if you were born in China to Chinese parents - you too can be Irish!
5. That women who love their children freely choose to give them away so that the child can have a better life. (If that is true - why do these loving, unselfish mothers have to be "protected" from their children? If they are to be commended for their personal sacrifice - why can't we know who they are so we can personally thank them?)
4. That if you weren't relinquished for adoption you would have been aborted or raised in poverty and abuse.
3. That the sea change toward open adoption renders open records for past adoptions unnecessary. If your first mother wanted to know you she would have chosen an open adoption or she would have left a waiver in your file or she would have contacted you by now. (Never mind that mothers from the BSE have been told their babies were stillborn, have had their waivers consigned to the trash bin, have been told their children could find THEM upon becoming adults.)
2. That wanting to know your heritage, your roots, your family, your story is deviant behavior if you were adopted - but perfectly normal if you're not adopted.
1. That finding your first family means you have to choose because you can only have one mother.

Sly

1. the mother will be a born again virgin by surrendering (we are always mothers forever)
2. she will go on as if it never happened (we bury it for a while following the denial that it hurts)
3. she will get over it (we learn to cope)
4. she will heal (see #3)
5. she wants her confidentiality maintained (95% of mothers want to be found)
6. she surrendered because for one reason or another she felt it was best.(this is a biggie, since the vast majority of women surrender in defeat, not by choice. Permanent solution to temporary problems)
7. that if they wanted to be found, they would have searched (many mothers were told that if they searched they would be arrested or their other children would be taken)
8. that adoptees who are happy in their adoptive families will not search (curiosity and intellect demand that people want to know their roots and their heritage.)
9. that the sealing of records was to maintain the mother's privacy (this one really pisses me off, we get blamed for everything!...simply not true!)
10. That secrets are healthy for human beings. Like a sturdy house that cannot be built on a false foundation, neither can a healthy life. Secrets are toxic, no matter who is keeping them.

PhilM

(10) Mothers who relinquish their children didn't want them.

(9) If adoptive parents love their adoptees enough, the adoptees won't care that they were adopted.

(8) If adoptees love their adoptive parents, they won't search for their original parents.

(7) Mothers who relinquish their children will get over their loss.

(6) God meant for this to happen.

(5) Mothers who relinquish were legally promised anonymity.

(4) If it weren't for adoption, abortion rates would be higher.

(3) Mothers who relinquish don't want to be reunited with their children.

(2) Adoptees are chosen/special.

(1) Being adopted is no different than being raised by your original parents.

Mei-Ling

- as if "born to"
- having only one set of "real" parents
- as if returning "home" can erase ALL the loss, language troubles and cultural distances
- that going to language school is "good enough"
- that racism can be avoided if enough love is provided at home
- love conquers all
- a baby cannot remember his/her mother
- that Asian adoptees can fully connect with Asian-American immigrants
- that reuniting somehow makes everything "better"

~*Jessica*~

I agree with kelli o... I am a birth mother and I did adoption. People think they do it because they don't care or don't give a crap about the baby but really that's not the case! Please don't judge people if you don't know the whole story, ed. yourself before you look down on people including myself.

I was 17 when I had my baby, I was to young and couldn't give her the life she deserved. And theadoptivee parents are giving her such a good life, they have money, a house, and a stable enviorment. Sometimes love justisn'tt enough..and I knew that and did what I though would be best for my baby girl.

SO please no one judge or look down on women for doing it.

Mikeally

I was in foster care as a child for 5 years and i lived with two families the first was for about a month and the other was for the duration of the time.
(1) The one thing that may or may not be a myth is that some people are in it soley for the $$$. The first family was very abusive for the small amount of time I was there.

(2) Once a child is mentally or physically scarred you can not help or change that child. So many children are left out because of this myth. Many children are cured by love that they never had before.

Serenity71

That all adoptive parents are threatened by reunions.

That they wanted their names put on birth certificates indicating that gave birth to the child. (I have no say in how birth certs are issued.)

That all want the "as if born too" ideal.

All PAP are desperate people who will do anything to get a baby.

Adoptive parent want sealed records. (most I know don't support that system.)

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