What are you hoping to get from participating in the Adoption Forum here?

Linny G

Frustration?? Kidding.

I actually learn things here, even if I do not particularly agree with some of the questions or answers. Sort of a sociology experiment, if you will.

I have learned many things, even though I have only been a member a short while. Like you said, some of these things have helped me with understanding myself a little better.

I hope that others can learn from my experiences, too. Mostly that you can be happy and still want to know your first family.

magic pointe shoes

It keeps me honest with how people see, think and respond to adoption. This really isn't a preaching to the Choir type of venue. Each and every view point is dismissed, ridiculed or stereotyped. Answers from regulars change tones and qualities over the time span being here, answers from the not regulars continue to show shallow depth ignorance. Character assassination continues to plague the boards.

And it matters! For adoption to change for the better, all of the voices are needed. If it weren't for the obnoxious, the blunt, the rude, the caring, the bridge builders, the raw feelings slappers, etc... I wouldn't be as able to have real conversations about what needs to change. I'd be busy preaching to the choir.

So, I come here to step out of my comfort box.

Mommy of Three to Be!

I'm a little nervous to post on this forum to tell you the truth. I have bounced on this section from time to time as I've always felt like I wanted to adopt a child. I have two children of my own, but adoption is something that has always been there inside of me.

I've been a bit unnerved by the amount of people who may consider me selfish for wanting to adopt a child and that is why I am a bit wary to post here. I never felt like I was very good at stuff... No job ever suited me. School was always a drag. I became a mother at the age of 21 and it just fit me so well. I can honestly say I feel like I am a great mother to my two daughters!

That said, I started thinking about how I can use what I'm good at (parenting) to help others. I looked into a couple adoption agencies, but I don't have $60,000 to adopt with. I read on here to look at our state's foster-to-adopt program, and that is kind of where I am right now. I am waiting on January's orientation dates so we can get started.

And thus, that is why I'm here. I am trying to gain some perspective into the lives of those who are adopted and those who have adopted. It scares me. It seems like there are a lot of unhappy adoptees around and I can't help but wonder what's worse: to be left without parents or to get parents that you don't like. :(

Not Adopted

I am here to learn about the adoptee's point of view.

Sofiakat

I am hoping for a better understanding of my son and daughter.
I am not adopted and cannot even begin to presume that I know how they feel. I really listen to what those who have been adopted have to say here.
And sometimes, when I am especially frustrated, I post a question, looking for answers.
In return, I try to offer support and answers for others who are seeking information. I hope that I can help enlighten the masses through my own experiences so far, and maybe get a little "enlightened" myself.

Rowan

i'm here to learn, and to help others if i can.

sweetjane

Mainly to listen and learn from other people's experiences with adoption. I have learned a lot from the people in this forum and have become a better parent because of it. I have also learned many things about transracial adoption that I didn't know before, that will be very useful in the future....but there is still a lot I don't know and want to learn. As an AP who once believed in 'unicorn and pony' adoptions, this board has taught me, and teaches me daily, to understand all sides of adoption and not just my own viewpoint. I am now an advocate of reforms and equality for adoptees....something that never crossed my mind and something I never knew was a problem prior to this forum. I have a unique perspective of being a former 'save the world', Brangelina, "Adoption Stories' wannabe.....who now understands the complexities of adoption. I hope that something I say may encourage other PAP's to investigate foster care adoption as a viable and ethical alternative to removing children from their culture, language, and family unnecessarily.
<<Foster to adopt mommy of bi-racial toddler

sizesmith

The selfish part of me wanted to find someone who was placing a baby AT FIRST.

Thank God, I read answers, reread them, asked some questions, learned A LOT, and am now in the final stages of getting approved to do the foster-to-adopt program.

I still think that for a lot of children that adoption is better than SOME of their first parents (not all), and I don't agree with some people here on most things, however, I have read with an open mind, and I think I'm a much better mom to my adopted son because of what I have read here.

Now, I'm for writing some bills for a friend of mine who's a senator, and hoping to get some ideas through that will help our system. Sometimes, the passing of a single paragraph within another bill can really help some situations faster.

snowwillow20

I want everyone to know how hard it is to live with giving up your child, that it doesn't just affect you when you do it, but it affects your entire life and the life of your child.

almost human

I'm here to improve the lives of children.

Many of us adoptees spend our whole lives doing our best, bearing all the adjustments asked of us in silence, so many are unaware of the complex challenges we face.

I want to both improve child placement and also help adoptive parents understand their children, many of whom are too young to comprehend or verbalize their emotions.

By sharing my perspective and lessons, dispelling myths, increasing understanding, and asking society and parents deeply and fully investigate the many layers of the adoption experience, it is my sincere hope that we can all unite to give children the very highest quality lives filled with the most genuine nurturing relationships possible.

LaraSue

To add our family's story to the others and learn.

yeahright

I came here originally because I was searching for answers and at first didn't think it was a serious forum for that. However, I came back in large part because of an answer Magic Pointe Shoes gave to someone else's question changed that my mind about something (I bet you never knew??) and so an addict was born.

I can tell there are some here who respect each others point of view even if they don't agree and that keeps me coming back too.

Gaia Raain II

I came here to learn whatever I could to help me be the best adoptive mother I could possibly be. I stay to pass on what I've learned, to support adoptees who don't get a heck of a lot of support from anyone but each other around here (same for first mom's), and to share my experience as it pertains to questions people ask. My life experience hasn't been directly affected by adoption, but sometimes my experiences can be helpful in a generic way. And, of course, until we adopt, this takes up some free time. ;-)

Sophie

personal opinions about adoption topics
insight into the adoptees' mind and thought process

Mei-Ling

That for every person who dismisses me or who refuses to acknowledge the complexities of transracial adoption... another person will hopefully contemplate what I said.

I don't expect people to agree with me. In fact, I expect people to DISagree with me. But the fact that they keep debating with me means they are willing to read what I have written, even if they don't agree. You can learn something you didn't know about before and still vehementally disagree based on your experience.

MamaKate

I come to learn and to sometimes share my thoughts.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

I am learning

I also believe that outside of abuse or neglect, families should stay together. I am sick of people convincing women in a vulnerable state that they are not worthy of parenting their own child, so that they can make money and further thier agenda

ETA: thumbs down? you guys are funny! How dare a birth thing keep her kid when REAL parents need a kid cuz they pissed away their fertility. Charming... really

windowizard

I came here to try and provide a counter point to the EJ Graff loving, UNICEF apologists, small minority of radicals fighting hard to force their anti-adoption morality down our throats folks!

(edited to add "of")

rachelrmf@sbcglobal.net

I came here to learn about how adopted people feel about being adopted and to offer any facts on adoption process as far as steps to take in a adoption and cost since I am going through the process to adopt. This is a Q and A board and I have noticed that allot of the regulars (thank goodness not all, Their are allot who have taught me so much!) seem to get so upset at a prospective adopter that they are so busy putting them down that the question doesn't even get answered. So I think I wil be staying and giving people help on the subject at least when I can there is still allot I don't know about.

School Nurse

I originally accidentally wandered onto this forum from the parenting forum. As an RN, I was mostly answering health related questions and some parenting questions on that site. I thought of it as sort a public service. I visited the adoption forum to answer questions about parenting related to adoption for the same reason--public service. I am a person of experience as an adoptive parent. The first time I answered a question on THIS site I was BLASTED by a group who called themselves "ANGRATES". Angrates stood for ANGRY and UNGRATEFUL. This was a title they had given themselves and they were proud of their title. Of course, NOW, these SAME PEOPLE act insulted when anyone says this to them.
Anyway, my purpose in continuing to visit this site is to spread the OTHER truth--that adoptees can be raised without the feelings of inadequacies, self esteem issues, anger, bitterness, and general unhappiness related to their adoption. Only a small percentage of adoptees carry that into adulthood. Most can resolve those issues before graduating high school. Some NEVER have those issues. Don't get me wrong, though. I know that curiosity about your past and birth history is a normal thing but it doesn't have to take over your life. I also believe that many of the adoptees blame the problems in their lives on their adoption when in reality, those problems are just the challenges that life throws at all of us. Adoption is just the easy target on which to blame their problems. No one escapes this life without problems and challenges.
The other reason that I continue to visit this site is purely for entertainment.

âš¡Energyâš¡

I don't have to justify myself to anyone and wonder why people keep asking these sorts of questions here as if having an agenda or purpose or opinion or facts in evidence is a bad thing? This is the equivalent of Christians on the Religion & Spirituality section asking why Atheists come there.

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