What are your experiences on adoption?

sunberry

I adopted both my sons out because my lupus got so severe that I could not take care of them. My situation is a bit different. I have a lot of sadness and anger because I want them so badly, but I do get to see them. My sister adopted them, and I get to see them 4 to 6 times a year. It would be more but she is married to a military man and they move a lot and so do I.

kateiskate

I am an international adoptee who was adopted at infancy from Korea. Like your friend, I love my adoptive parents and my little sister (who is a domestic adoptee) dearly, but I have shed more than a few tears about being adopted,

The thing about being adopted that a lot of people in real life don't get to see when they get to know me, is the pain that is having been relinquished. A part of me has always wondered (even though I am smart enough to know it's not true) what was wrong with me that my mom didn't want me? What was unloveable enough about me to make her give me away? Why didn't she fight for me? If she didn't love me, why should anyone else want to?

That last one is why it's hard for me and other adopted people to sometimes accept love. Because deep down part of us thinks we aren't deserving of it.

Reading the book "The Primal Wound" really gave me a better insight into some of the feelings that I've had about it. It explains that relinquishment leaves a "primal wound" on you by separating you from your mother, the one you bonded with for nine months in utero,

I wonder every day what my first parents are like. I wonder if they miss me, if they regret separating our family, if they still love me, or if they are even still alive. I will never stop wondering about them.

realmom lese

As a first parent, I never got over it and never will. The pain will go with me to the grave. You just don't "get over" part of your heart walking around somewhere in the world without you. You don't get over people doing this to you, and telling you it is for the better, and seeing the results that I have.

I was a vulnerable teen. I was told that my child would be better off with two parents in a wealthy family. The reality is, my child would've done much better with me. My child lived in poverty, brutality and abuse.

This adoption happened because it was constantly shoved in my face that some stranger was better than me to parent my child. Some stranger that couldn't have their own kid, and could buy one. Adoptive mom wanted to salvage a marriage and thought buying a kid would do that. The marriage fell apart. The mother was a drunk, the father was an absent drunk. The child was the parent. The child is messed up for life.

Adoption the gift that keeps on giving.

snowwillow20

I'm a first/birth parent.
Let's see.... Emotionally, shut down, hard to trust, afraid people will leave me.
physically I have issues without causes. Depression being one.
mentally .....hmmmm you'd have to ask my family.

Philippa

My son's adoption was the worst thing to happen to me and the best way to describe it is an invisible amputation. I emotionally shut down as that was the only way I could deal with it nor did my family want me to talk about him anyway so it was as if he never existed.

I suffered with depression anyway but his adoption made this worse and I became a self harmer and have tried committing suicide several times.

My husband knew about my son but I couldn't even talk to him about the adoption. When I found my son it was as if the door was unlocked and that I was finally allowed to talk about my son/show my feelings. It is still an emotional and physical pain having had to live with my son being adopted despite being reunited in 2004. Nothing can bring back the lost years.

rachael

this is gonna get long..i apologize in advance.
i had the cookie cutter dream adoption. i was raised with a real life ward and june cleaver. dad worked, mom stayed home and took care of house and kids. meat and potatoes every single night for dinner, and yes-i did have a pool.
we were not rich, but dad did very well for us. we needed NOTHING and wanted for very little.

i was miserable as a child and teen. mom, dad and my sister (their bio) were very similar. same tates in music, interests, mannerisms. they were very country music, crafts, quiet, in contol of all emotions and never rocked the boat. they were pillars of society.
i was loud, rock and roll, big hair, drinking/drugs, said whatever was on my mind, caused scenes when needed and did not care one single bit what the neighbors thought.

they thought i was an alien. they did not understand me. i wanted to do art, not stupid doll clothes. i wanted to dance the night away to loud music that rattled my insides...not do the doggone polka.
see where im going? they found my intersts in music and art silly. my outgoing personality as dangerous and my mouth and views on things as naive and wrong.

i was a very lonely child. i was the epitome of square peg in a round hole. and i would wonder where i got my personality.
i found out when i found lori, my bmom. i am cut from the same mould as her through and through. we actually finish each others sentences. ask anyone that knows us.

i had what every child should have, and i was still sad. she probably feels the same way. its hard when you have nowhere to fit.

Marina

I am an adoptee who has a great life. I am one of the few and fortunate that views my adoption as a blessing, and I do not feel one ounce of sadness or longing over it.

fallout_girl05

as i am reading these heartbreaking stories from birthparents and adoptees, i realize as a birthmother how fortunate i am to be in an open adoption with my son and his parents. unlike some adoptees, my son won't have to wonder who his birthparents are. and if he wants to know why we chose to place him for adoption, he can ask his birthfather and me himself. there's no guessing or speculating, if he wants to know, he can ask.

as a birthmother, i am so lucky to get the opportunity to watch my son being raised by such wonderful parents. i've never felt like i "gave up" my son, just my legal parental rights. his parents are so generous in keeping me and my family updated on the all the milestones and big days. we get pictures, videos, phone calls, letters, and we get to visit him a few times a year. of course i wonder what it would be like to raise him and it has cause me some pain over the years. but i think the openness i have with my family and his family about the situation has really helped me to move through life w/out dwelling on the "ifs."

frfs

My husband was adopted. But thank goodness, it was an open adoption. He knows his birth parents. His birth mother even came to our wedding.

He understands where he came from and he is really thankful to have his adopted parents. They are wonderful people. He knows that his life would probably be upside down if his birth mom kept him.

I think one of the things that helps him understand how much his birth mom cared about him, but she just couldn't raise him, is that his birth mom changed her mind at birth, when she saw the baby she decided she was not going to give him up and the adoptive mother was her birth coach. But I believe after a week, she called the adoptive parents, because she knew she wasn't able to raise him the right way.

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