What are your thoughts of changing middle and/or first names of adopted children, especially older ones?

aloha.girl59

Our son was 2 when we adopted him. The name he was given at birth was a made up name -- it was really long and rather silly, imo. In fact, it had the word 'she' at the beginning, so when I took him to doctor's appts. and things like that where I had to use his legal name (until his adoption was final), people always assumed he was a girl because of his name.

Before he was placed with us, our son was in foster care. Because of language differences, his foster family was unable to say his given name accurately, so he was always called baby names like "Babas." He didn't seem to understand that he had a name and just responded to whatever he was called. When he moved in with us, we immediately began calling him the name we'd chosen for him, which was a variation of his given name at birth. He didn't seem to have any trouble adjusting to his new name.

Our son is now 7 and has been told he had a different name when he was born. He has laughed when that name was shared with him and he has said that he's glad we changed it. We didn't change his name so that he would be hard to find or because we were trying to cover up his history -- we changed it because we thought he'd be teased and, quite frankly, because we didn't like the name.

Laurel J

Older ones? The ones who already know their own names? I can't think of a worse idea. Does it not reek of being indoctrinated into a cult to you?

mom4life

I don't think you should change the child's name. That just would not be right.

Britt

older ones .I don't think that would be a good idea because they grew up getting use to their name that would be messed up to change it now.

Possum

I agree with Sunny.
Adopted children - no matter the age - have come from someplace else. Ignoring that - is ignoring the child's truth.
Older adopted children WILL tell you what YOU want to hear. They've been shoved around from adult to adult - they WANT someone to love them and care for them - if an adoptive parents suggests a name change - they'll most likely say yes to please you.
I wasn't named at birth - but if I had been - I would have been really disappointed with my a-parents if I had found out that they had completely changed it - just to suit their needs.
Because - ultimately - changing a child's name - often - (not always) is for the adults to feel more comfortable - not to really help the child.
Adoptees already have so much taken from them - why take away the name their first mother gave to them???

Lillie

I really love how a lot of people here don't think babies have any rights.

You're probably all pro-life and think that the baby has rights were the mother considering abortion, but do the baby's rights end once the abortion doesn't happen?

Incredible.

If the child has already been given a name, NO MATTER what age the child is, then THAT IS the child's name. What right does anyone have to take that away from a child, just because the child can't speak up for him or herself?

Do you really have that little respect for the human being you're bringing into your home?

scorpio_queen_2003

i had my name changed at 8 months old.that was fine because i didn't understand anyway.and i do prefer my adoptive name over my bio one. but i would never change an older child's name,unless i was 100% sure h/she wanted that.i feel it would be like throwing away their past and robbing them of their identity.it may have psychological effects on them too.
edit-i still have the same middle name my b.mother gave me

karateJenn

i'm planning on adopting an infant, and i'll probably keep his/her name. if it is too hard to say i may add a new first name... for any child over 1 or 2 i would just keep the original name... that is my personal opinion though.

Cam

I definitely think an older adoptee should be given the choice whether or not to change their name.

Ellyn W

Older children should be consulted before any legal name change since it's changing their identity and taking away a part of who they are. Babies don't have that history.

corsola25

changing the name of older adopted children should be up to them because if you force them to change their name, its like creating a whole new person. you take away their past life in an orphanage. for babies, you can because they had a shorter life so their history wont be a big deal for them

Doodlestuff

If an older child, let the child decide. It is their identity.

Phoenix

sunny: "asking an adopted/foster kid want they want/think is ridiculous. They will say whatever they think pleases the parents."

I think older kids should have a choice. While some may try to please the parents, many will have their own opinion and ALL deserve to have their opinion heard. its THEIR name.

For very young babies, I think they need to keep one name from their birth name, but you can change one. For those saying that babies have no history and their pasts don't matter, you seriously need to change your attitude. I was adopted as a very young baby, but my pre-adoption history is still very important to me, as it is to many other adult adoptees.

No matter how old a kid is when they are adopted, their histories are still important and their names should reflect that.

sunny

I think you should keep first names, make current last name their middle names, and add your last name.

e.g. Lisa Smith Jones

Stripping ANY more of their identities is amoral, IMO. And asking an adopted/foster kid want they want/think is ridiculous. They will say whatever they think pleases the parents.

Please let them be themselves while adding your family name to unite them all. They'll really appreciate it as adults.

Erin L

I agree that older children should probably not have their name changed. It has been part of their identity and to have their identity denied is painful. At the very least, they should have the choice to keep their name or change it.

Here's what we did with our internatioanally adopted infant. We did legally change her name so that she could have a name that would not be mispronounced or made fun of. But, in her everyday life, she has two names. We call her by both names. It is just normal in her life to have 2 names, and when she is older if one of them sticks more than the other, or she want to legally change her name back, that is fine. I should also add that our daughter has her original birth certificate, with her first and last name given at birth, her birthmother's name and address, place of birth, etc., and we have a semi-open relationship with our daughter's first mother. Sad, but there are parents out there that change names to make it harder to find biological family

BPD Wife

For older children, I would ask their opinion as it is their identity. For younger children, it is still their identity, but it is more common to change names, spellings, or incorporate new names.

In our case, our son's name was unique and we thought that he might get a hard time with it - as kids can sometimes be cruel - but when we met him at the age of 3 months, we knew that we could not change his name.

We did, however, decide to change his middle name. The reason for this was his middle name was a bio-family name and due to our son's situation and being removed from the home, we chose to change the name so that it was not a constant reminder to anyone about the pain he suffered. The bio grandparents supported our decision also.

Hope that helps.

sam22254

I think that it would be OK. But if the child is older let that child chose. My son is fighting to have his son's name changed from what the couple who stole him (they can't adopt him and they knew of him at the child's birth and knew he wouldn't consent to a adoption) He would like to keep the first name because that is what his son goes by (even though he would have never named him that) he just wants to change the last name and the middle name But the judge decided to keep the baby known as infant boy Myers. Sad isn't it that a couple who kidnapped him with the help of a adoption agency can call him anything they want but the natural parent that See's him every month has to call him what they want.

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