What book could I give my parents about raising adoptees?

I am 20 years old, therefore fresh out of my teens and am past the "raising" stage. But I will still live at home for about another year. In the past two years, my relationship with my adoptive parents has really been emotionally damaged. About 70% of it is nothing but misunderstanding each other. My parents are old-fashioned and, although great providers and parents, they've never been the type to attend meetings or read how-to stories about the troubles that come with adoption. They've always managed on their own. I believe they don't want to admit that we may have problems, as they don't like confrontation and are uncomfortable about getting things out in the open; as are their biological children (my bros and sisters).
I need to know, what one book, documentary or any kind of informative resource would you recommend for me to give to them? I want them to realize that adopted children like myself may grow up to have differences of thoughts and hurtful feelings and that it's normal and okay to have.
Sorry I can't better explain, I hope you get where I'm coming from though.

Gaia Raain

The Primal Wound

Or if you want to go easier on them, there's a book called, "Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew". But once they're finished with that one, I'd move on to Primal Wound next.

Freckle Face

I second what Gaia said.

Primal wound.

twenty things adopted kids wished their adoptive parent knew

primal wound is a tough read but sooooo informative. If you feel like you need to ease them into this then 20 things is the book you should use for now.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

primal wound by nancy verrier

mika

go to barnes n nobles or borders or something pick up a book called Foster kids and Foster parents: a book on raising foster children

LisaHW

I'm an adoptive mother of one grown child and biological mother of the other two. To me, one of the biggest issues that I think some adopted kids may have is not feeling comfortable just bringing up any concerns, questions, or other issues with their parents. As a parent, I have always wanted my son to feel free to talk about any issues that bother him. I'm the parent, and I knew, when I signed on 30 years ago, that some issues may arise.

He, of course, doesn't want to hurt my feelings sometimes; so some things he has kept to himself.

What I do know, though, is that very often issues occur between parents and kids (particularly sons and daughters around your age) - and it may have nothing to do with being adopted. Adoptive parents and their kids often attribute some difficulties to adoption, when they're just difficulties between parents and kids.

If you have "issues" with them, can't you talk to them without the presence of your siblings? Are they really issues related to your being adopted, or are they just struggles that result from misunderstandings and differences between parents and a grown child? Are you giving them credit for being adults and for knowing that you may have "issues" associated with your adoption and need to address them?

I don't happen to know any reading that your parents may benefit from, but I have an adoption blog; and I think there's at least a chance it could help you understand your parents better (if they're anything like me, which, of course, we don't know).

http://adoptionlwarren.blogspot.com/

Anything else aside, the two things that may be worth reading for you are the post on "lesson of the dreams" (about the biological parents) and the August post on loving a child unconditionally. (I have no idea if they'll interest you or be helpful, but I thought since you said you're having some difficulties it may be worth trying to offer something.)

There are links on that site that, and some of them cover the ways in which nurturing in the first three years of life can actually alter the development of brain connections in a child. Maybe you or your parents would like to read some of that information. The links are to legitimate sources and point out that a lot of what goes on with any child does have to do with the brain connections developed/nurtured in those first three years.

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