What do birth moms look for in adoptive parents?

kemalee21

I gave a son up for adoption and I can't say I looked for any one thing, but that they were the kind of parents I wish I had. For the remaining time of my pregnancy (after I decided on them for adoption) I felt so good about it I have never regretted it. I haven't felt the need to be near him or even in his life because I KNOW they are doing the right thing by him and they will decide when is right for him to know about his birth and he has a great family. Be real always, especially with your children.

blonde_mama

People who are in loving and stable relationships, who have a stable home life, money to raise a child, patience, kindness, dedication... People who believe that education is important and who will encourage it, enthusiastically (not militarily). People who have lives, aren't trying to live through a child, but want one to share their knowledge, joy and rich-life with.

apsap03

THEY LOOK FOR SECURITY,HAPPINESS,LOVE&SOME ALSO LOOK TO BE A PART OF THEIR LIVES THROUGH
LETTERS OR PICTURES. DON'T TRY TO KEEP THAT FROM THEM.

birth mother

As a birth mother myself I can tell you what I was looking for. I wanted someone who shared a lot of the same beliefs (religion, parenting, etc.) as I do. I wanted someone who I felt could care for my child the way that I was unable to. Someone with more love to give than they knew what to do with; would be honest with the child, and many of the little things that you just can't explain but you can feel them and that makes them just as important as anything else. I also had to meet any prospective adoptive parents because you can only learn so much from an application and/or letter. Basically a birth mother is looking for someone who will be able to raise her baby the way she would if she could.
I hope this helps.

StacieG

Answer the questions honestly. This is one of the most important decisions in a birth mother's life...please do her the favor of being honest with her about your answers.

They all look for different things (one may place more importance on having a fun family, one on having a financially well off family, one on having a family who places great emphasis on education, one a family who places great emphasis on sports, etc.).

They do look for these things generally, though: financial stability, enough room, enough time, enough love to share, safe neighborhood, good school system, stable relationship, etc.

Really, though, just be honest in your answers or you're not doing anyone any favors.

Herbie

We look for a family and couple that mirriors our own. It is complete fate. You may not fit into someones idea of aideal family, but for another birthmom, you may be perfect. I picked my daughters parents and it was coincedences from then on. They flew up on a whim, and were called into the office because a birthmom (me) had looked at their porfoloio and wanted to meet. Our middle names are the same, Rose, so its also Katies. We have alot in common also, family wise, and we don't have much emphasis in religion. We laugh and have fun. Talk serious once in a while. It feels natural with them.

Bouvier

You will learn that most birth moms will be viewing scrapbooks and "Dear Birthmother" letters that the adoptive couple has put together. It is very difficult to look at pictures and know a person. You only hope that when you put the scrap book together, you give an honest and open portrayal of your life, and also, that the sincerity of your letter is heart felt. Most adoptive mothers struggle with both of these items, wondering, "is this too much"? or, should we show this??? The answer is, "be yourself"......The birth mother is going to base her selection on a "connection" to the adoptive parents. The connection can be ANYTHING, seriously! One birth mother in our agency had narrowed her selection down to two couples, the tie breaker was made by the birth father. He had a family history of engineers (grand pa, dad, brother)....the adoptive wife, worked for an engineering firm as an admin asst, that was all it took. So, as you can see, it can be any link/bond that they "feel". Our birth mother chose us because we had a lot of pictures of family vacations at the beach, and on our boat. Her family had a beach house, and she loved the summer and the ocean. She also said that we reminded her of her parents, (also a common answer). So, truly, it can be anything. If you are an adoptive waiting parent, or considering adoption, my advice is to not struggle too much with the "verbage" of the letter, and how "perfect" your scrap book appears. Be yourself, if you are being anything other than that, you are not be genuine, and what any adoptive waiting couple truly wants is for the right baby to come to them for the all the right reasons, and eventually, they do!

br00kelynn3

when i gave my daughter up for adoption i looked for a couple that was similar to my parents, really nice and caring, finicially stable, lives in a 'good' neighborhood and has good schools in the area.

BPD Wife

Although I have not been on the biological parent side, as a parent (thru the miracle of adoption), I would expect that a bio family would want a loving, stable, safe family for the child to become a part of.

Good luck to you.

LocalCelebMrsParks

Sometimes the birth mom does not get a choice on the adoptive parents, my birth mom did not. the decision was made for her by the state.

Harley

My best answer, think of what you would be looking for if you were to be giving up a child.

Chump

I had to agree with Himei on this one, I found the religious people very annoying, I know at least she told the truth. Truth obviously hurts

çµç¸ Heemei

If I'm the birthmom, I would want to look for good educational backgrounds, preferably Masters, so they can teach my child to become successful, while I wouldn't emphasize on the religion too much, I think they're damaging, especially Johovah and Evangelists, I would still pick a christian parents over non- Chiristians though, preferably Advantist, I think they do alot of good in society, by building hospitals and schools, rather than posting monetary ads on the TV and preach to my child all day long.
Culture is also a major role, I would want to place my child in the same race. I would want my child to avoid exotic reasons to prevent people asking unecessary questions about where he or she came from, whether or not your parents are your real parents, and make sure my child really do fit in in that family. It will save the mom lots of expianations in the long run

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