What do families do at adoption parties?

PhilM

Seriously, as an adoptee, I find adoption celebrations completely in bad taste.

Perhaps it is better she's not with her mother. But that doesn't make this a happy occasion for her. It simply increases the tragedy of it.

I understand you're happy to finally have custody, but turning this into a joyous occasion, when it's not, speaks volumes of your insensitivity to the complexities of adoption.

ETA: Perhaps you could even tell her all about her "drugged out" mother. That way she'll be even more grateful to you that you rescued her.

Problem Child

Well, since the party is really for you and your friends to "celebrate" why don't you do whatever it is you usually do at your parties. I'm sure a 21 month old wont remember it anyway.

I always find it so fascinating when AP's don't want to hear the adoptees perspective on things...you do realize that your special little angel is going to be an adoptee, don't you? She's going to be just like Phil and me and the rest of us adoptees.

Heather B

They celebrate their gain and the child's loss.

I sincerely hope you don't plan to make such derrogatory comments about the child's mother in her presence - you know kids take such remarks upon themselves, as it is a reflection upon her and where she comes from. I hope you find a way of speaking with your child about her mother in less derrogatory tones, for her sake.

Huge hugs for little one. It's good to hear that her siblings are not lost forever at least.

spydermomma

Pin the robe on the judge?

Seriously, it is just a party. But kid focused parties are a bit different from grownup parties. Though not quite as different at this age as when they get older. Did you have a birthday party for her? Or did you go to any birthday parties for other 1 or 2 year olds? It woud be pretty much like that. Just a low key celebration with your family and close friends. With cake and ice cream of course! The only real differences from a birthday party would be that I wouldn't especially invite kids (just the kids of the close friends), and I would probably say something like "no presents, we just would like you to come celebrate with us."

And maybe if you took a picture with the judge you could hang up a big copy of it. When my sister outlaw (you know, since they can't get married) adopted the baby born to my sister, they got a great picture of the 3 of them with the judge in her black robe.

Anyway, congrats and hug her up!

ETA:
Phil is great, actually. I'm an adoptive parent and I always appreciate the way he cuts through the extraneous stuff and hits the heart of the matter. He and the other adoptees are thinking of your daughter -- as an adoptee like themselves -- because that is what she is.

I do not see any reason not to have a small party to celebrate the official adoption -- your daughter needs to know that her presence in your family is celebrated! At the same time, it is important for your daughter's emotional well-being that you understand the losses that come with being adopted. No matter what you think of your daughter's mother, she is her mother, an integral part of who your daughter is and how she will view herself.

So with this and all future events you might plan, and the way you raise your daughter in general, try to think of this from your daughter's perspective, as an adoptee. And listening to the voices of adult adoptees is the best way to do this until your daughter is old enough to add her own unique perspective.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

you celebrate the baby's loss of it's mother.

sizesmith

We celebrated the day our son's adoption was finalized, however, in the future, we will just celebrate his birthday, which is this week, and his 1st family is invited, and many are coming.

At our son's party, we celebrated with friends, family, and we made a no-gift request to him, and that any gifts be donated to foster kids, through the DHS offices. We also said a prayer for his 1st family, and especially his 1st mom. We didn't invite a lot of friends, because we didn't want to offend or cause any pain for his 1st family. We made t-shirts for my nephew that said, "J's cousin", for my mom, "J's granny", and so on.
Please remember for your daughter's sake that addiction is a disease, just like heart trouble or diabetes. Some diabetics live a good life, eat right, and follow diets right, and some just don't have the willpower in them, and they eat sweets, and eventually die. Addicts are the same way, only their drugs are the sugar. It's a choice to control it, and some people just don't have the control and willpower, nor the confidence to get over it. It's not a choice over their children, it's often not a choice, it's just an....addiction.

Zuko

When couples are expecting, they tend to throw a baby shower. This is usually a good thing because it means getting lots of stuff that they would've had to buy themselves.

And it's okay to be happy. I don't think AP's should be completely depressed and upset all of the time, because that's not an unhealthy environment either.

But you have to understand where adoptees are coming from. This daughter of yours IS an adoptee. So it would only make sense that you listen to what other adoptees have to say. I'm so RELIEVED to hear that you want to keep her aware of her history AND keep in touch with some of her other siblings. That's an EXCELLENT and wonderful thing to do.

However, though you celebrate for yourselves, please remember that, while she gained a new family, she still had to lose her other family. And remember that her 'drugged out mother who lost each of her 6 children at once" is still the woman responsible for YOUR happiness. She's still your daughter's mother.

So fine,have your party. But just be aware that a lot of us adoptees find 'gotcha days' really patronizing and painful. So maybe, instead of throwing second birthday parties for your daughter, take that time to talk to her about her first family and let her know that you're always willing to discuss her feelings on adoption, regardless of how positive or negative they may be. It's a good way to celebrate her becoming a part of your family while still remembering that she had another family first. It acknowledges loss while still being positive. And it encourages her to open up to you... it let's her know that you really do care about how she feels.

As for your party, just have an adult party. She's only 21 months so she wont remember it. A simple gathering with friends, some decent food, and a little bit of mingling would be more then adequate, I think.

â˜…Fetalâ˜† â˜…And â˜† â˜…Weepingâ˜†

Let everyone meet your little girl!

I would say some will bring gifts, kind of like a shower, but it's more for them to meet her and for her to meet them.

I think adoption is a great thing. Good for you two and congratulations on your little lady!

LindseyTaylor

now is the fun part! you can do things that involve her in things since she's alittle bit older, if its during the day i'd say have it outside! BBQ and cute activities...unless its alittle colder then you could still have a really cute party inside.

WHO CARES WHAT YOU DO? whatever you do will be perfect, you have your baby girl and that is the most important part. you could just sit in a room of people and let them watch her and she would be just as happy and my guess is so would you.. congrats.

Kazi

Congratulations on the adoption of your daughter.

I would suggest a get together with family and friends with lots of food and a cake. As for what to do, I wouldn't sweat that. People will have a great time just hanging out all together and with the newest little family member.

Sophie

For my son's welcome home party at almost 8 months old... it was like a birthday party... we opened gifts and ate. My son was with me most of the time, but really took to a cousin of mine and she him... so he just sat and played like any baby in the family.

momof3boys

Just have a big celebration. I know my cousin had cake, ice-cream and food and basically celebrated just like a birthday.

aloha.girl59

We held our son's party at a park. We invited our family and close friends and whoever had kids brought them. The kids had a great time on the slides and swings and playing with the ice in the tub we had for drinks! We ordered pizzas from Costco and had a ton of drinks and cupcakes. The three of us (my now ex-husband, myself, and our son) wore shirts in matching Hawaiian print fabric and we took lots of pictures of everyone who attended the party. That Christmas, we used one of the pictures taken of us as a family as our Christmas card picture.

Lottieâ™¥ ~Due Dec 10th~

Treat it like a b.day party :]
& congrats on ur baby
x

Cambria

I would say just treat it like a mini-birthday party. Thats what my parents did. I was adopted at four days old, so they would just save one or two of my presents, and I would get them a few days later and they would tell me the story of when they went to pick me up and all that. Now, I try to return the favor to call them on that day and tell them how happy I am to have such great parents.

Raye

I agree just celebrate like its birthday or fun get together. Snacks, food dessert. Let every one meets her. I'm so glad ya'll adopted congrads on your little girl

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