What do you all think about this list? Do you agree? (See link below:)?

opedial

I do like not having the label of "adoptive parent" when the word parents should apply. (adoptive mom is different, I jsut thinkg parenting is an action word and the person who is the parent is the one doing the parenting) I also like that they put real parent on the negative side. I think to be honest they could have eliminated birth mom though and just said mom, I guess the same point as teh adoptive parents. WE are all just moms and dad.

Hmm I just compared the list with the one Gersh put up...here are my thoughts:

Honest language type seems to negate the adoptive parents and other language negates (IMO) the adoptive parents. I think we can have a happy medium.

amyburt40

I disagree with the list. We living the triad/plane should make up the wording. It should be respectful to all living adoption.

LaurieDB

I don't agree with many of the items that are supposedly 'positive.' I actually find them quite negative. I would never, for example, refer to my first dad as my 'biological father' unless I was speaking in a scientific manner. He's my dad. My adoptive dad is also my dad. If I absolutely must distinguish, I'll say first and adoptive, but only for clarity's sake. Otherwise, they're both my dads.

"Birth-" anything just turns me off no matter how I try to slice it.

Isabel A

I disagree with this list on many levels. Most importantly the whole placing for adoption or making an adoption plan vs. giving away.
Making an adoption plan sounds like some kind of knitting project and not what it really is.

This kind of a list is a very slippery slope.

Andraya

With a few exceptions, VERY few, I will not use the terms "suggested". Can't help but notice that both of these lists were located via adopting.org, a website designed to promote adoption and recruit PAPs/relinquishing parents.

I find some of the suggested terms downright offensive. This list is designed to terminate any human emotion towards the first family.

I agree with Gershom about using honest adoption language. There is very little honesty when you pad these terms to be fair only to adopters.

Gershom

I don't agree with it or like it. Its very similar to the NCFA's "correct adoption language"

http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/resources/adoption_terms.html

I prefer "honest adoption language" found on Wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption#The_language_of_adoption

Laurel J

What do I think? I think it helps certain a'parents, the ones who don't want to admit their children existed before they were adopted, sleep at night.

No, I don't agree.

Darn Tootin'

I think they are fine. Adoptive Parents will never be "right" in the minds of some people here so it wouldn't matter what type of language they use, they'd still be considered wrong!

Warrior Mom

No place for comments, I noticed. They left out some terminology, in my opinion. Positive term: "Adjustment problems fitting in with his new family." Negative term: RAD--Reactive Attachment Disorder. A very serious disorder that occurs when children do not receive the love and attention that is normally given by the mother. This is especially common in foreign orphanages where facilities are overcrowded, and babies are left to cry unattended for hours upon hours. If you want to find out how RAD might affect your life, be prepared for some very heavy reading.

Positive Term: I'm so grateful that I was adopted by loving parents. They are my REAL parents because they took care of me. Negative Term: Who am I and Where Did I Come From, and why don't I feel like I belong?

Positive Term: Protecting the adoptee from the harmful effects of knowing the real facts about their birth. Negative term: Why can't I just get my birth certificate?????

I'm sorry. Did I sound a little cynical or sarcastic? Shame on me!

oopsydaisy

I think its a load of crap to be honest.

I refer to my adoption with words chosen by me and thats that

grapesgum

Sure ... whatever. Label it with whatever you want. Keep trying to sell the dream. Keep the cash registers going "ka-ching".

BPD Wife

As with all things in life, I think there are some good suggestions there and some that I do not necessarily care for. I will always tell my son that his bio family made an adoption plan for him - because that is what they chose to do.

Do I agree with ALL the terms? No. Are some of them appropriate, I think so as an AP. But I also know that different sides of the triad feel differently. So if my son chooses to use other words or refer to things differently, I will support whatever language he is comfortable with as he gets older.

HappyMomAnna

Oh, these lists change all the time--in a few years someone will make an issue over some other word and there will be outrage--we will all find a new word and then it will start all over again.....

The truth in my life is that there are times when some words are needed with some people--and different or other words are used with other people.... It just depends on who the reader--or listener is. There are words I use on the internet--words with the doctors--words with the school--words with DHS--words with mental health people--words with the police--words with the family--words with my children.....and the fact is it all just depends on what needs to be said--and the way I need to make a point with a person....

It just matters who I am talking too.... If I go to the school IEP meeting and talk about my child's 'first mother" the people I am talking to have to think, pause and remind themselves what I am talking about--whereas if I say birth mother or biological mother it isn't the same stumble in a conversation.... The fact it these people don't really care about being sensitive--they are hardly sensitve to the issues and needs of the situation in front of them...I don't have time to tell them why a word choice is politically correct. I need to get to the next step of a meeting and make sure my kid is getting what she needs....

The only time I go out of my way to "educate" someone is when it has a direct impact on my children... I do have to keep reminding my 6 yr old that his original mother was not a baby sitter--but, that is just because it makes logical sense to him--especially since he doesn't ever have a baby sitter....

The words I use in my writing is much different than the words I might use in my daily life are much different then those that I use in other areas....

I never have figured out why people think there is only one language spoken we also speak German in our home and everything is different then...

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