What do you feel is a fair sacrifice (if any) for a child to make...?

Freckle Face

Hi Julie,

I don't believe any child should have to make any sacrifice for a home and love.

That said since i've found this forum, I now clearly understand that there is a loss a child must go through to be adopted. I don't think its fair. I think this loss should weigh more heavily on the minds of all adults involved in adoption. Hopefully the gravity of what the child goes through would be reason enough to end unnecessary adoptions. More education needs to be done so that pap's understand this loss before they adopt.

Thank you for the question.

Looney Tunes

Haven't the kids who are abused and neglected and in the foster care system sacrificed enough? Their bodies, their minds, and their souls...are a MUCH GREATER sacrifice than anyone (and especially children) should have to give to get some love and caring.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

Children should never have to sacrifice anything for love and a home.....ever.

Children should never have to sacrifice anything for anything.

Gaia Raain

Well, in order for a child to be in any arrangement other than with their own parents, they will have already sacrificed said parents. It's not a fair sacrifice, by any stretch of the imagination, but it's a necessary one in order for an adoption to occur. Beyond that, I think that the parents and other adults involved had better be willing to step up and set their own hopes and expectations aside, because that kid has already lost enough, and doesn't need to worry about pleasing everyone around them.

Laurel J

Zero. As a kid I did nothing to "deserve" being given away just because my mother wasn't married. I should not have had to give up my identity or pretend to be who I am not to get a good, loving home.

This seems so obvious to me.

andria k

The answers I have read to this all agree that a child "should not" have to sacrifice anything to be adopted.
But if you are an adoptee you know that what "should be" and what "actually is" are two different things.

There is nothing that constitutes a fair trade for ones heritage. But it will be bartered for survival regardless of the best intentions.

I believe that deep down, every adopted child feels a vulnerability that says:"Behave. You can be replaced!"

maagiclady

It almost sounds as if you expect a child to be thankful for being adopted. If thats what you expect, you are doing it for the wrong reason.

These kids sacrificed more than most adults could withstand:
Their parents
Their grandparents
Their homes
Their schools
Their classmates
Their best friend
Their toys ( which by the way dwindle with every move)
Their clothes ( same story here as toys)
Their stability
Their aunts
Their uncles
Their cousins
sometimes their siblings
Their favorite pillow
Their frazzled but loved blankie
The stuffed animal they slept with

The list could go on and on. Mosty adults couldnt handle having someone come to their door today because of something someone else did, and remove them from their comfort zone of home, with a change of clothes in a bag, take them to a house full of strangers and ask them to get used to it. Then three weeks later they come again and take you to a more permanent home with all new rules and foods and people, and this bed hurts and the pilllow smells funny. And now you cant wear your hair the way you like. They dont like YOUR hairstyle so they cut your hair the way they like. You have to wear the clothes THEY choose for you. Clothes you think are ugly. But you now have no voice. It is all strange and scary for you.

And by the way...you cant call ANY of your family or ever see them again, and no one will tell you why.

Then one day they come and tell you that some NEW family has "chosen" to adopt you and you are moving AGAIN. New people, new school, new friends, new fears set in. And when you get there, they want you to be THANKFUL.

Dont believe for a minute you would feel thankful. More like resentful.

And this is where adoptive families drop the ball. When the child isnt acting appreciative ( This kid should be glad someone took them in to love them and give them a roof over their head. Why should they?), they ask themselves why they adopted this kid.

Was it to "save" a child from "the system"?? and feel heroic? Or was it simply because you know you are able to be a good parent...unconditionally ?

Put yourself in their shoes, and realize they have already sacrificed the ultimate price.Their innocence.

IDK!!

on that note...

I don't think that children should be forced to sacrifice the chance at getting their permanent family in the first shot.

I think there are many who think that all children. when placed for adoption, should be forced into foster care.

We've all heard to horror stories about foster care, YET some think it is a sacrifice babies should make in order to get a permanent home.

Janis B

I don't consider it a sacrifice, but I think that we should have some expectations from all children. Our love does not depend on those expectations but it we all have 'give and take' in relationships. If a child comes to your home and you expect nothing from them, then it is not a true family situation. If you do not expect anything from that child, the child would be living as a 'guest' instead of as a member of your family.

I speak from experience of having a step-daughter move in with us at age 15. She lived as if this were a motel and we were the inn-keepers. We loved her and still do, but it handicapped her and put extra stress on all members of the family.

Kimber

Nothing more than any other child. I think we all need to care for our parents as they age.

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