What do you think about adoptees changing their names?

almost human

"x" is the algebraic term for an unknown quantity.

that is what i am

I look nothing like the anglo saxon name of my white adopters

i am not the fabricated name on my abandonment papers

i do not want to be reminded of my abuse and adoption every time i hear someone say my name

i have history and blood line and it is an unknown, it was stolen from me

if i can't be known by the given name of my ancestors, then i'd rather be known by something that reflects the truth.

http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=ENHP89mLWOY

hell yes i'm changing my name
i'd rather come up with something meaningful to me
than live someone else's lie

wynn

My children's original surnames are much more beautiful than the one I got from my husband. Their original surnames go much better with their first names (which we mostly kept). I would be fine with them taking back their original names when they are older. It's up to them, of course. I won't push it.

I loved the name I was born with, only changed it several years after I was married, and really regret the change. I'm told it's a childish fear that changing my name means losing my identity. Well, it does feel that way. I'm told I'm insulting my husband and his family. Choosing your own name is not a rejection of anyone, it's just being in control of your own identity. So I guess my reaction to someone changing their name as an adult would be respect. Good for them.

woodenhandle

I wouldn't care.
They should do whatever they want. People change their names all the time.

cruzgirlz3

I think it is nice if that is what they want to do. People get married and change their names all the time, or use nicknames, middle names etc..more power to them.

Dawn

That decision should be left up to them. It probably makes them feel attached to their natural mother, which is only natural that they would want to feel that connection.

bubba

i love it

Lori A

I sometimes feel guilty because my daughter goes by the name I would have given her. I refused to name her for reasons not relevant here. I feel guilty because I wanted her parents to name her.

But the reason she goes by the other name had nothing to do with me, it was a nick name given to her years before we met by friends, it just happened to be the name i would have given her.

So she endedn up with it anyway.

ladybmw1218

People change their names all the time, for various reasons, and I think it's great if that's what they want to do. I imagine it's very empowering, and is an incredible assertion of individuality, to choose your own name.

Anha S

I know a girl who changed her name (not adoption related) first and last, and other than there being a bit of an adjustment period in calling her something different, I didn't have any other reaction. I give huge kudos to those adoptees who reclaim their birth name.

I have to say, I wish my AP, in particular my mother, was as understanding as the responders here. I wanted to legally change my name a few years back, and it crushed her. I didn't go through with it. Ever the eager to please daughter I suppose. My husband and in laws call me Anha, the name my first father gave me, my native name. My amom called one day and got my mother in law, and asked for *insert legal name here* and she said oh you mean Anha. And this was the first time she had even spoken to my mother in law. My amom snootily and forcefully declared "NO her name is *insert legal name here!!!* My amom sees it as an affront to her and my adad, like I am somehow rejecting them because I want the name I was born with.

spydermomma

I would likely respect them for their choice. I think it would usually be a sign of healthy self-identity, or at least of a healthy exploration of their identity. For a transracially adopted person especially, changing to a name that reflects (re)claiming their identity as a person of color, a person of their particular ethnicity -- well to me that would be a positive sign that they respect themself and wish others to respect them for who they are.

In real life I know several people, none adopted as far as I know, who have changed their names -- heck, I changed my own last name and so did my sister. I (re)claimed my mother's maiden name, even though she doesn't use it and my parents are still married. After going through a lot of thought and a fair amount of hassle doing that, there was no way I was going to change my name again when I got married. I had and have thoughtful reasons for changing my name that reflect my self-identity in a very basic way -- and I think the same is true for others. So I respect people who change their names as thoughtful, self-reflective people.

I would likely respect an adoptee even more for this because I think building a healthy self-identity is harder for many adoptees. Although I obviously cannot speak for adoptees, to me (re)claiming a name could be even more of a core issue for adoptees because so many choices were taken from them as children, so making a choice like this for yourself as an adult would likely be a very powerful statement. If I knew someone while they made this choice, I would probably be thrilled for them!

If my daughter ever chooses to change her name, I will help her do so and pay any costs. We don't know her original surname or what her first parents called her or would have called her. We still use the name she was called by her foster family, among other names and nicknames. I think it would be powerful for her to (re)claim her identity even if she does not know the "original" one. If she chooses to change her name, I would fully support her.

tish

for someone to change their own name...i hold no opinion.

but...when people change a child's name (which is the premise of the "reclaiming the original name") it gives me pause.

personally, as an african-american of haitian decent, the europeanizing of ethnic children bothers me...and is too reminiscent of the name-changing among enslaved people.

quite honestly, i'll take a "jaquanisha shina" over "courtney" given by an adoptive parent any day.

oh...and not all "unique names" relegate children into careers of gangstas and strippers.

Mei-Ling

I was thinking about legally changing my name.

Perhaps when I go back. I'd really like to change my name back to my birthname someday, maybe once I have a better grasp of the language and am "living" with my original family.

Freckle Face

They are adults who, like the rest of us, are free to change their names. I would support their decision.

Andraya

I'm one of those adoptees, well I will be fairly soon anyhow. I grew up with one name, wasn't given one at birth, and I will die with a name that is a combination of who I was born as, who I grew up as and who I am now. I am changing my first name from Andrea to Andraya, keeping my middle name and hyphenating my original surname and my adoptive surname. Anyone who disagrees with my choice can blow goats. I am a combination of who I was, who I was raised as and who I chose to be, I want my name to reflect that. I'm not only changing my name though, I am having my first mom adopt me back. Same goes for that, don't like it? Don't worry, not your life.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i'm glad they have to opportunity to do it. i had FOUR different names by the time my adoption was final. and it pisses me off. i had no say.

so more power to 'em to change their names!

staceydv4

its there choice i guess what ever makes them happy

sunny

I changed my surname back when I was 24. No one would have had a problem with it if I'd MARRIED someone and changed my name, of course.

In my late 30s, I added my husband's surname to mine, so our family would have the same surname. Mine is hyphenated.

It is one of the best gifts I have ever given myself.

Mary G

My daughter is doing this, and I am glad she is re-claming her name. It is her birthright and has always been a part of her whether is has been used or not. I am happy for anyone who chooses to do this, and I would never discourage anyone from it. I can understand how ap's would feel it is a slap in the face, but let's face we all are able to choose what we will be called, this is simply a person making that choice.

monkeykitty83

I think it's an understandable choice, and I would support them in it. Names are important to identity, and defining who we are. If they want to define themselves by the name they had at birth, that's their right.

I personally wouldn't change the first name of a child I adopted for any reason other than safety or the child's own choice. In general, I would support an adoptee making the choice to change back to their original name, if they feel it's the right decision for them.

Independ"ant"

I wouldn't write it off as "Oh well so many people do it anyway".

I would try to understand why....and as a responsible aparent fight the system that supports Altering/Legal forging of B/C's. Kind of like how Natural parents of Autistic children are fighting the health care industry and govt for more medical support.

I personally would never over ride a Natural mothers choice in naming her child. I would simple attach my Last name to their Entire name even if it didn't flow off the tongue or rhyme.

Tish too funny...I have thought the same thing about people giving kids stripper names. I think people that do it are either rednecks or people that watch too much entertainment TV like the E channel.

Mommy times 2!

Name changes smack of ownership to me. This is a personal feeling I've had for many years, but the more research I have done into name changes and when they are utilized, the stronger my feeling is about this subject. If an adoptee wants to reclaim their own name, or change it to something that means something to them personally, I can only see this as empowering.

ETA: Almost Human, that is a wonderful video. Thanks for sharing. Yet another reason to hate name changes. It's all about ownership, pure and simple.

Mom to Foster Children

That they believed it was in their best interest. At the time of adoptions (at least ones that I have known / been a part of) it's a child that is being adopted and doesn't understand what "is it in the best interest of the child" means. They only know what they had / what they want back and realize that's it's not going to happen. Once they are of age, then they have what we had all along - an opinion on what is in the best interest of him / her.

I adopted our son yesterday and if for some reason he wants to go back to his original last name when he grows up - then I would have to say at this point in my life I would really be ok with it.

Randy B

People change names all the time. If either of my daughters wanted to change their names, either now or when they are older, thats their choice. I know some biological children who changed their names even when they didn't have an "original" one to go back to.

Maureen S

To be quite honest, I would not know what my reaction would be. My five children have never questioned, asked as to what names they were given at birth. I have the names, and have told them this, but they have never been interested.

They are adults now, happy, successful (in their own way) and and their lives have gone in the direction that they have chosen.

I feel that my love for them and their love for me, have never given them a reason but to live in the present moment, without looking back or thinking about what names they were originally given.

The names I gave them 46 years ago are apart of them, and have been from the beginning.

Maybe, it is something within them that feels they are completely at peace with their whole being, and have always been.

Rainia W

I would wonder why... but that is because all of the adoptees I know were either adopted at birth, had abusive biological parents, and/or are married now so have their husbands names. But hey, their choice. I certainly would never do it, but that is because I am soon to be married so it would be one name change and then another lol!

Sophie

I'd react with curiosity-- why? what names did you change? what names did you keep?

I've already told my son about how his name came to be (kept birthgiven first name, but changed middle and last name)that if he wants to change his name when he is older, we would discuss it and I would help him.

He'll still be my son; the same child I raised.

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