What do you think about people who think everything is all about them?

cantstopLinnyG

I think they have to justify their opinions and behavior at all cost. These are the same people who will call adoptees who dont like some aspects of adoption, "bitter, angry and ungrateful".

There is no middle ground for them.

Its insulting to me, as an adult adoptee ,who has had cancer TWICE, and WAS denied my records, that people don't think there is such a thing as "death by adoption".

Its also insulting to me that people who have the capacity to love more than one set of parents are labeled as angry.

But, it makes it easier for them...because you are right- it IS all about them. They don't want to hear anything but the good.

***ETA**** And, HappyMom, you JUST made her point. Slamming the system is NOT slamming ap's.
"Death by Adoption is a huge slam especially if you have ever witnessed a child die from Cancer." Its not a slam if you are an adoptee with a rare form of cancer & you cannot have access to your first family & their medical history. ap's CANNOT donate to thier kids. They are NOT related on a cellular level.

"I just wonder how all the biological parents feel when they have a child die from cancer?"

Just as devastated as ap's do, but first parents do not have the added pressure of feeling helpless because no one could PHYSICALLY help their child.

"It's just too bad the loss of a child to cancer needs to be overshadowed by any bashing any way..." and I"t could have been a beautiful memorial of a little girl who died--but, had to turn into adoption being why....that's all."

It's too bad she died in the FIRST place. Did adoption kill her? Yes, it did. Because of records being closed, and the time it took to find her family, her death was a direct result of adoption. Do her parents feel any less devastated than a bio parent? Noooooo.

Ummm, I think it's too bad MY cancer overshadows MY life, and my childrens lives, and that I had to BREAK THE LAW to get my family's information.

Again, get with the program. It's the SYSTEM, NOT THE PARENT. WHO is protesting too much?????

Lori A

I think it might have started with my comment. I was in no way slamming anyone about adopting. I was slamming sealed records. and there ARE a lot of people who just don't think it's important. Hence my comment, they just don't get it.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not excited about adoption and what it does to people, but have always admitted that it worked out for my daughter. It's a good thing she didn't have any serious illnesses over the years or it might have turned out differently for her.

I simply don't understand how anyone can not see that medical info is important for everyone, and your adopted ancestry isn't going to amount to a hill of beans if it ever gets serious for your kids. That doesn't mean I am against adoption, but it is a huge side effect, and the only reason it is, is because someone felt there was a need for all the secrets. Didn't think that one all the way through if you ask me.

Freckle Face

I know the person who made the "death by adoption" statement. I know her character to be kind, supportive and compassionate. I do not believe at all she made this statement as an attack on adoptive parents. I, personally, would have interpreted this statement to mean.....not knowing information about a child's first parents in adoption can led to such a tragedy. A fact about current adoption practices and a side effect that could occur because of it.

I also know the person who may have been on the defensive. Her character is compassionate, supportive and kind as well. I believe as an IA parent, you are naturally on the defensive here. More from people who know nothing about adoption and pop in to voice their disapproval of international adoptions.

Maybe a bad day, maybe a misunderstanding, i'm not sure. What i know is one answer isn't enough to label someone, anyone as anything. I would offer the benefit of the doubt here. We all need it from time to time. I'm guilty of this myself.

Serenity71

I'm an adoptive parent, I also answered in that question. I do find it hard to see any child die of cancer or in still birth, drowning in backyard pool. All of these deaths are a tragedy. I have tears in my eyes still from the pictures of the children that died in the recent fire storm that swept through Victoria Australia. I wouldn't know from looking at those pictures of they were adopted or not. Only that they died to soon without a chance of being saved from it. Its simple I love kids. I want a child to have a chance in life and a hope of a future. Their young lives were cut short way too soon.

And as a mother I want to throw my arms around my children to protect them from it even something I might not have any control in such as cancer or a bushfire.

We take the good with the bad, joy with the heartache when we become parents and that goes for first mothers and adoptive mothers. First fathers and adoptive fathers. (and we're ALL are guilty of thinking its all about us. When it comes to adoption.)

I didn't read anyone saying that adoption records should remain sealed in any answer.

BTW- Just so I wasn't misinterpreted in my other answer I wasn't saying adoption is bad, just the lack of openness that might have helped speed up the finding of a donor. But even then its no guarantee of survival.

Happymom- I didn't want repeat what you said and you have so many great points in your answer.

monkeykitty83

To be blunt, I think that when you publicly and angrily call them out about it by asking this question, you aren't being dramatically more mature.

We're all smart enough to draw our own conclusions about whether our fellow posters are acting self-entitled, and I don't really see the point of holding a superiority party about it.

Honestly, this question comes off as extremely petty and self-promoting. I don't disagree that it happened, but posting "Wow, look how much better I am than THEM!" questions kind of takes away from your point that you ARE better...

joey

I must admit, I recently did something similar. My father was adopted and I found myself becoming bitter at my grandmother for refusing him the right to the information she had available in reference to his birth parent's medical history. He's recently been diagnosed with diabetes and hypothyroidism. I've come to terms with the situation and I've realized that people get diabetes all the time and are unaware that it may have been genetic. All I can do is support him and love him. Placing blame, in the long run, only hurts those who place the blame and I don't condone that behavior.

sam22254

This is really no ones fault given the fact that the child was abandon and they had to find the bio parents. But this should wake everyone up to the fact that every child has a right to know who their bio parents are. There are so many women out there that will not give the bio father's name so he won't have his rights that one day it might hurt the very child that they saved from abortion. I have heard it all. My son's child was kidnapped by a couple who wanted a child at all cost. They are so sick that they have put dirty things in the child's head and told him to say it so that they could try to have the father's rights terminated. What they didn't know is that they do have lie detector test that proved he didn't do any thing wrong.
When I told his story some people said that since the couple hid the child for 16 months and that was the only parents that he knew that he should stay with them. Remind me if their child ever gets kidnapped and hid to tell them leave their child with the kidnappers.
Not all adopted couples are bad their are a lot of them that are adopting just to save a child from foster care and god bless these couples. But to say that this child died from adoption could be true if they had known about where the bio parents were they might have got help faster but if it's true that the bio parents just left the child in a box and did nothing to tell anyone who they were then it's the bio parents faulth that the child is dead not the adopted parents. Now if the child was kidnapped and the bio parents didn't know what they were signing then it's the faulth of the adoption agency .

!!Randomness!!

I reckon they need to pull their head out of their a.$.$'s

Philippa

One of the problems with adoption is how much mwdical information (if any) adoptive parents get about their child's natural family. For example just on closed adoptions if there is a medical emergency then it makes it is harder for this to be dealt with so chuck in international adoption for good measure then feelings get more heated. In situations like this I blame the system rather than any individuals. Adoption needs reform in many ways including with medical help if the adopted person needs it.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

I would chalk it up to their narcissm, which is displayed when they think people owe them their baby/fertility. Of course they think everything is about them, after all, they would make BEST parents, much better than me, you, or *gasp*, the actual MOTHER, if she would just give them her child

Sly

People often respond with anger and defensiveness about things which they feel guilty. I would suspect that a lot of the people who feel attacked by an innocent statement like that, which is undeniably true, actually have some very strong, unresolved guilt feelings that are triggered by remarks like that.

To suggest that adoption didn't factor into that little girl's death is disingenuous and simply not true. There have been MANY adoptees who have died, as there are mothers, due to the sealed records so Death By Adoption is a valid statement, no matter who it triggers.

tish_part deux

it's easier to paint others as "bitter", "mean" or anti-adoption; than to look in the mirror and admit that someone's child *might* have come to them them through unethical means.

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