What do you think about using myspace to solicite b-moms?

concerned

Dislike it, for numerous reasons:

1. It treats adoptees like commodities, rather than human beings... as if they are something to be advertised for.

2. It opens up the adopting parents to potential scams by women claiming to be pregnant or who are pregnant but not really considering adoption.

3. It promotes pre-birth matching between an expectant mom and potential adoptive parents.... and when an expectant mom "matches" pre-birth, it can make it harder for her to change her mind and parent after giving birth.

4. It places the emphasis on the desire of the potential adoptive parents to have a baby... instead of on getting help and support for the expectant mom.

Edited to add: Just read the question again. I think actively soliciting women--messaging them, linking to them, friending them, etc--is EXTREMELY despicable and I see it as predatory. Simply having a profile posted on a webpage for people to view at their own initiative I still STRONGLY dislike, but... I wouldn't call it predatory, UNLESS the content of the profile/site was extremely pressuring.

Possum

I don't like it at all.
Mostly for reasons mentioned above by 'Concerned'.

It's also very worrying on another level - as recently I was told that their is a website where you can search for internet pages that were once deleted - as many are still essentially easy to recover on the internet. (I'll have to hunt down the web address for you - it's like a search engine specifically for deleted data which was once posted on the internet.)

With the way kids are today with technology - I'd hate to think that an adoptee found down the track that they were sold and bought through an ad - for all to see.

It's the same worries as foster children pictures being placed on the internet. I have a friend who is a teacher in the US - and one such foster child had their picture plastered around the school by some bullying kids - when they found her 'up for foster' id info on the net.

Very very worrying stuff.

And potentially so very hurtful for an adoptee.

mlassi65

Its wrong to solicite anywhere for a child. There are thousands of children in foster care who need homes. There is no reason to advertise for a child. Children are not consumer goods.

Gershom

I think its predator-ish.

I know that some agencies encourage it, and its seen as "okay" in the states to do, but I see it as a way to trap a women into surrendering her child by forming a pre-birth relationship with her.

Forming pre-birth relationships between emoms and paps is a bad idea imo. It has the potential for the paps to get scammed, it can trap a mother into feeling obligated to surrender her child because the paps paid for finances, or have their hopes up, it can mentally make a mother "feel" like a birthmom, when she, at this point isn't and should be still considering parenting and giving it a try ( assuming shes able to which it seems like most of the mothers I talk with who have surrendered in the past 10 years have been.)

If a young women is looking into adoption, she probably doesn't have much family support at home to help her raise the baby.

And then they come across a myspace page, with someone saying one of the oh so typical lines off of a dear birthmother letter: you're heroic, strong, wonderful, selfless, I know how you feel let me be there for you, let me help you...... as long as i get your baby.

The worst is when they try and tell the emom that they know how she'll feel, what she will go through, how it will effect them, paps who havent surrendered a child don't know how she will feel. They have no business pretending to be a support system as they help themselves to the moms baby.

I see it as a way to create un-necessary separations between mother and child.

Not to mention the mental effects it can have on the adoptee later in life. We already feel like commodities as it is.

mommy2squee

I think it is completely unethical to advertise for a baby, whether on myspace or any other website, or in newspapers, magazines billboards, etc.

Heather B

As an adoptee - my gut reaction to these myspace pages is to want to be physically sick.

It feels awful

Like they are predators waiting to pounce on some poor vulnerable young woman and tell her "look, we are so much better than you so give us your baby now"

It should be illegal

cowboy_fan

I personally think it's better and safer to go through an agency. As long as it is a reputable agency and they treat the birth mom's well.
There is always scandalous people when money is involved so I think it can get real sketchy doing everything on your own. Have you seen those horror stories on dateline? The lady faked a pregnancy and scandaled tons of couples out of money.
I may be wrong on this, but it seems to me that a lot of people solicit on their own to save money. Therefore, it's kind of hard for me to feel sorry for them when they get scandaled or it falls through. It's more expensive to go through an agency, but if the agency is reputable, it's better for the birth mom and the adoptive couple.
The birth mom has rights too and going through a reputable agency helps her with her rights as well. Especially when it comes to the birth father. Some birth moms choose not to tell the birth father and still put the child up for adoption. This can cause a lot of problems in the adoption. My birth mom did not want the birth father to know but the lawyer helped her to realize that it was imperative for him to be notified. She would not have known that without going through the agency.

Tara <3

I think My Space is not a good idea. It sets you up to possibly be scammed. Consider Foster Care. I adopted my son from foster care he is beautiful & healthy. I got him at 5 days old & he is my world!! There are tons of benifits of adopting this way & these are children who really NEED good homes & loving parents. Call your local childrens & family dept and get info on Fostering to adopt. They will be happy to explain the process!

Crucio

You should go through an agency. Though I know some people who do go through an agency have a website or myspace, which the birthmothers can look at. I think that fine to have picture of your family and yourself that you want to share with PBM

jason l

I am a hopeful adopt mom - right now my husband and I are waiting to find a birth mom willing to let us adopt her baby, so the more people who know about birth mom who want to give their baby up for adoption the better.

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