What do you think is in this child's best interest?

I am wondering peoples opinion (expecialy adoptees)on what would be the best in the long run for a 3 year old girl.
Should she stay where she is now because of the attachment she has built or should she move so she can be raised with her younger sister?
She is in foster care right now. I'll call her Ann. She has been with the same foster parents for the last year. Her father "Bob" is my youngest daughters ffather also. He is now married to my daughters fmom. Whom is my other two childrens mom too.
After Ann was placed in care we inquired about having her placed with us so she would be with her sister once she was born. Bob had later requested for her to move in with us because of the problems with the other foster home and wanting the girls to be together. DCYF said they would leave her where she was because it was easier for them at the time. We went along with DCYF. Now Bob has called me up tonight and asked if we would still adopt Ann.
Additional Details
Sence adoption is the only option for Ann I am trying to figure out what would be best.
I am wondering if it is better for Ann to be adopted by the family she has been living with for the last year or for her to be adopted by us so she would be raised with her sister.

HappyMomAnna

I am not an adoptee but I am the adoptive mother of siblings...

The situation you write about is pretty complex.... There are a few KEY issues that really do matter. The sibling bond and keeping siblings together is a very special adoptive parent honor... Witnessing siblings and their connection to each other is very special...that I can say first hand.

However, attachment with parents is also primary... if she is 3 now this means she has been with these parents since she was 2 years old. If the attachment is strong and healthy taking her away from stable loving parents can really do a number on little ones... This is a rough age for adoption and transitions and a hard age for attachment...

Some states will do everything possible to keep siblings together... however, they will also look at how well the siblings have even bonded... how much time they have been together--and especially how much time they have lived together in the same home.

Personally, if the little girl and the younger sister have never lived together--and the 3 year old is doing well in the family she has been with for over a year--my personal feeling is that it is in the child's best interest to remain in the home she has lived for the past year... If the sibling bond issue is a primary concen then it would almost be easier for the younger girl to move into the same home that has had the older child...

3 years is a hard hard age for attachment issues--it is almost one of the most criticle... Children at this age do not understand words, stories or what is happening--they can feel most helpless because they don't have the language skills to even describe what they are feeling--or the words to understand what is actually happening...

All they understand is that everything can be going along fine--and everything can feel just right then one day out of the blue their lives completely change--for no apparent reason....

Freckle Face

She should be with her sister, imho.

Adopted Jane

IF there are only TWO Choices then adopted by you to be with her Biological sister absolutely

Dependant on all the factors for establishing good home etc.

So Bob is married to these girls Mother? why cant Bob and his wife their mother take care of these two girls ?

ETA - geeze what a mess :( the sisters should be together IMO

LOVINit

I honestly beleive that she should be with her sister. However, if she really is attached to the people she's living with, I wouldn't try to cut them out of her life if you adopt her.

apbanpos

I think you need to work with a child psychologist on this.

A lot depends on how long she has been placed with this family and what the future holds for her there.

If they are willing to adopt her and be a loving stable family, that complicates things. Doesn't mean that she shouldn't be with you, but it doesn't mean that she should either.

If she will always be their "foster" daughter - then no question she should be with you. No brainer.

But you really need to work with an expert on this - but God Bless you for wanting to do what is best for the child.

KWilbanks

I agree with the poster about having a child psychologist involved. I think the best decision would be one that focuses on what is best for Ann. Sure, she should be with her sister, bit I would think that you would want to have some time for Ann to live with you before maikng that decision. See how she responds to living with you. She may have made a strong enough bond with her current foster family to warrant leaving her there.

Margot Tenenbaum

She should be with her sister, with lots of time and visits spent with the foster parents.
No amount of bonding with foster parents trumps a blood sibling, imnsho.

There are so many children who are forgotten and not cared for. Thank you for taking the time to do some good in this world.

My father was taken away from his mother at a young age and placed in an orphanage. this is an experience which changed his life forever. If he had such concerned people for him, life could have been a lot different for him.

Whatever you do, do it in love.

opedial

Foster care is supposed to be a temporary situation until they get a forever home or go back to family and "blood" ties. Foster parents cannot assume they get to "keep" foster children. Thus it maybe in best interest to adopt her, not keep her in foster care!

Aqua

oh gosh! I think you should adopt Ann. If you don't she will be a lost girl. By keeping her and raising her with her sister she will have a real blood sister.

Nora

let her say with the foster parents; the other choice is too unstable

AdoptiveMama

HOnestly, I would say it would be better for her to be with the family she has been with, at 3 years, if she has been there for anything over a year she doens't remember alot of life without them...if any. She doens't know her younger sister, and she can still have special times with her sister...just not live with her.

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