What do you think is "in it" for adoptees?

Carol c

Sunny, you are spot on... adoptees and first mothers have nothing to gain here but discussion and understanding from others who have shared a similar experience. We lost. We lost our mothers and/or our babies. PAPs and APs really are the only ones who have something to gain when you look at it this way - even if it only means they are able to better understand their adopted children.

....and by the way - me thinks our new member "Oh Yeah" is our own dear ollie trolling with a new persona.

Gaia Raain II

Speaking your truth, and not allowing people to shut you up or treat you like a child. Just guessin'.

SJM

I do gain things here. This evening, for example, I gained an appreciation for dumb luck. Both my natural parents and my ap's were pretty respectable people. Apparently, not everyone is blessed with a decent upbringing. Oh Yeah.

Oh Yeah: I wasn't talkin' about other adoptees. I was talkin' about folks complain' about other adoptees. Like maybe I'm glad I wasn't raised in your house.

monkeykitty83

Um... what does ANYONE gain from answering and asking here? I would imagine it depends on the individual; you seem to expect a group answer, and while I can't speak as one of the group myself, I don't think that's possible. People have different motives.

But I'm going to be blunt. If you got NOTHING out of it, you wouldn't bother. (General "you," not "you" meaning Sunny, or even "you" meaning adoptees.) It's not like Yahoo is required for survival. What a person gets out of it may range from a feeling of helpfulness to sick fascination or anything in between... but if you didn't have ANY reason or feel ANY gain, I'm sure we're all smart enough to come up with alternate ways to occupy our time, whether or not we're adopted.

Seeing as adoptees are human and all, I'm guessing they've each got their own individual opinions. I don't think there's a group adoptee answer, any more than there's a group male answer, or a group working mother answer. Adoptees do each have separate brains.

I wouldn't speak for what any specific individual gets out of it. But there must be something, or that individual just... wouldn't. The fact an adoptee bothers being here suggests he/she DOES personally get some kind of mental or emotional benefit. I mean, an adoptee COULD just stop clicking on the Yahoo page, right?

Laurel J

Obviously we have a sick need to see pwecious baybeez tormented at the hands of their evil crack-addicted natural mothers. Why else would we want to keep families together?

I mean really, keeping families together. The very idea of children staying with their families when those families are poor or the parents aren't married--who do we think we are? Don't we realize these women must be punished and virtuous infertile people must be rewarded? [/snark]

cantstopLinnyG

The only ones I see whining are the ones who are telling us we are ungrateful basturds for telling our truths.

I come here to give my experiences, and learn from other's experiences, too.

I have learned how much work needs to be done as far as changing perceptions of adoption.

Ive gained a few things. Ive gained satisfaction knowing Ive helped someone see how being open can help their child, how allowing their child to grieve their losses is a healthy thing. Ive gained satisfaction knowing Ive given women links to site that dispel the myths of adoption, and show them that they ARE being coerced. Ive gained knowledge about our foster care system, and how it needs reform. Ive gained knowledge from the few a p's here who DO understand how adoption can affect kids, and who do everything right.

Ive also gained a healthy appreciation for Advil, for when I feel as if Im banging my head against my laptop, and a greater appreciation for my sanity, and the edit/delete/block link. There are a few here who aren't in touch with either.

Mei-Ling

Maybe they think we're trying to speak directly for their children when we generalize loss?

That's just a guess on my part - I know some APs have contacted me through e-mail or on some other forums to tell me that it can actually come across as conscending at times...

I realize that we want to prepare them to be the best, most possibly receptive adoptive parents they can be, but we don't need to be shoving it down their throats.

We don't actually know their children better than they do. We know how their children MAY feel and we all know they should be better prepared as adoptive parents for the issues that MAY come up in adoptive parenting, but there is no guarantee and at the end of it all, this is simply what we do: we make them aware.

I understand what you are saying, Sunny, because I know adoption education is incredibly important, but I really feel I should state this: knowing how their children may feel and knowing how they children do presently feel are two different things.

Oh Yeah: "What's in it for you? An opportunity to pretend you all are victims and feel sorry for yourselves. That pretty much sums it up."

You just registered today and have your IM option off. Coward. At least have the decency to keep your IM on.

"And it is almost worse than AP or PAPs trying to gain babies because you all wallow in self-pity so much at times it is sickening; considering what options could have been worse for you and your lives."

You ASSUME we would have had worse lives. That is feeding into the adoption machine: saying we would have had worse lives if we hadn't been adopted because you can't face the possibility that our bparents might have actually been able to raise us decently.

Also, adoption is not about the P/APs gaining families. That is often perceived as adoption being more about what the P/APs want - the "availibility" of orphans vs. non actual orphans. It is not about them considering what "available" babies are overseas. It is about the kids over there who need homes.

ETA: Where did I say that my adoptive life was horrible? Where have I said that my parents were horrible? Where have I said that my adoptive culture was horrible? Please point that out, I'd like to know.

Serenity71

Maybe you don't gain anything for yourselves from sharing your experiences directly...

BUT if adoptee's never spoke out then things would remain the same for the next generation. For starters I possibly wouldn't know how some things could affect my kids relating to their adoption and miss the signs.

By speaking out, there are things that adoptee's have gained from it,(In my state at least.)

Records would remain closed because no one would know adoptee's actually felt a gaping hole in their lives because of it.

No open adoptions would happen at all. It would still all be closed.

Current changes going through would hold no weight at all if adoptee's never shared their feelings or experiences.

"Oh Yeah"- Starting reading more of Mei-lings answers will ya, she's got lots to share and her information is helpful to lots of people here...she isn't a whinger so leave her alone...

Temperance

Saving another child from an ominous fate.

Bouvier

These types of questions only fuel the separation game more and more in this forum..............I'll just leave it be.........

Just a Mom

I think that what is "in it" for adoptees is getting to have their opinions heard. I don't know that society as a whole listens to the truths of adoption and I would imagine that would be frustrating.

I might be totally wrong. Just my observations.

â™¥Love my dogzâ™¥

If a person had a particularly bad experience with something, they may form an opinion on that matter based only and solely on that experience. Through bitterness, people can often form a one eyed view of something and wish to colour it that way for others. They may gain some 'satisfaction' from ruining a possibly positive experience for others due to their own negative experience.

smoothwhine

They get to have fun at the whine and cheese party !

Daisey Duck

What's in it for the adoptees well if they are willing to have an open mind and not be so cynical maybe they could realize that their perception of adoption isn't the only one. Maybe they would also realize that there is always gonna be a need for adoption and that not all women who get pregnate should keep their baby.

Love my dogz you hit the nail on the head.

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