What do you think the biggest adoption myth is?

BOTZ

That, because I was adopted, my natural parents "didn't want me". They did.

That, because I was adopted, I had a "better life". I didn't.

That, because a person/couple chooses to adopt, they'll be great parents. Some are, some are not.

And, yeah...like a lot before me have said...the "as if born to" myth. It's right there in my adoption finalization papers. And it's the justification for the fraudulent document known as my amended birth certificate. You know...the one that says this woman -- sans uterus -- who raised me, also gave birth to me. Just in case it *actually* needs to be said...she didn't.

monkeykitty83

That all foster children are permanently broken beyond repair, are delinquents, are too much trouble, are incapable of loving their adoptive parents, are not as lovable as infants, etc.

That simply isn't true. All children in foster care have suffered losses and trauma, but that doesn't make them any less valuable, or any less deserving of love. It doesn't mean they can't begin to heal. A permanent and stable family situation would go a long way toward helping these children.

I wish people interested in adoption would actually research what's involved in foster care adoption, rather than just assuming they have nothing to offer those children.

Maryn

Based on what adult friends have said, I'd say it's probably that if you are raised by loving parents, you won't have any need to seek out your biological parents.

Many people just want to know, even though their adoptive parents were wonderful.

Mei-Ling

That relinquishment must automatically mean "unwanted" or "unloved."

B.S.

Lori A

That it doesn't hurt anyone.

Not Adopted

That babies are unwanted by their mothers.

Wundt

As an adoptive parent, I agree with roadhunter. The first question we are asked when we tell people we adopted is, "from where?".

I would also add myths specific to adopting through foster care, "it is too hard", or "it takes a long time", or "all of the kids have problems".

Torrejon

LOVE this question!!!

The biggest myth is that...

if you raise the child as if it were your own...adoption will simply not matter.

So wrong...in so many ways.

Thanks for asking!

magic pointe shoes

Blank slate theory which goes hand in hand with the "As if born to theory" mentioned above.

IDK!!

That because there is a 72 hour WAITING period that one MUST sign at 72 hours.

I don't think women realize that they can give guardian ship until finalization (at least in my state).

I agree with the 3 above me too.

Randy B

I thought I had an answer to this question but every time I started to type it, it just lead to another one. I'll list a bunch as I see them:

- adoption should be banned;
- all babies placed for adoption are "stolen" from their birth parents;
- the adoption industry is all about profit and a form of human trafficking;
- the adoptee's right to know ALL details trumps the birth parents/families right to privacy (more info needs to be provided to adoptees though);
- people who want to adopt are just being selfish; and
- if you can't have children of your own you should not be allowed to adopt because you are only trying to replace your loss.

There are many others however my blood pressure is going up so I'll quit with these.

roadhunter

I sure don't know what "As if born to" means. I'd say the biggest myth is that you have to go to China or some other remote country to find a child to adopt. There are plenty here in the USA. I know so many people who go get Chinese babies just because a friend of theirs did. They should go get a puppy instead.

Independ"ant"

Adopting a baby will be like giving birth to your own.

No past history nor internal connections as well as no future worries of them desiring to know their natural parents that created them and brought them into the world.

Heather B

The "As if Born to" Myth

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

A myth: That "loves and hugs" from the a/parents will somehow nurture the need to know where the child came from.

What's with the Thumbs Down??

casttostrangers

Adoption is a gift.
Here's one I got just today in response to adoption being a gift on all sides of triad. Warning this is wrong on so may levels

"Thanks for your insight , however "in my opinion" it is a gift all the way around, from the birth parents because they are allowing the adoptive family to be a part of their childs life so thats a great gift and the adoptive family for raising that child with love and affection and giving that child a good home so that is a gift as well. The child yes is a gift from above."

Another favorite is.
She loved you so much she you away for a better life.
I'm sure all my kept Sib's are jealous

Sly

That the EMS/BSE is no different from today when during that time period before 1970, 90% of white women were forced to surrender their infants for adoption. And, that we would go on as if it never happened. Liars!!!

ETA: that the social worker or agency or the adoption attorney give as rat's @ss about you or anything about you except the depth of your pocket and staying in control of everything so that they can increase their importance and, subsequently, their paychecks.

sunny

Blank slate theory.

An infant comes to you hard-wired!

littleJaina

I think "as if born to" is not a myth. I've felt that love, and it can be very VERY real.

However, the biggest myth to me is that kids are a blank slate, or that nurture can completely make up for/modify/change whatever the born in nature of the child. More than one family (parents, siblings, children) have been fed this lie, and it is simply NOT TRUE. Nurture may be able to shape and direct a child, but the child is who he/she is, and much of that comes from biology. This is even more true when children are adopted post-infancy, but it is true for infants as well. Just like you cannot make an asian child look like a caucasian child, you also cannot change some of the things genetically molded into a child. I see too many Adoptive Parents beat themselves up because they weren't able to head off a mental illness or learning disability in their adoptive child. Somehow they seem to feel that "good parenting" should mean the child would be "just fine". (They seem to forget that sometimes biological children will have emotional problems or learning disabilities as well.) Similarly, I've seen adoptive kids just totally tear themselves to pieces because they aren't the "Golden Child" they want to be for thier parents. They seem to believe that just because they are adopted, they don't deserve unconditional love from their parents.

Now, not all adoptions have situations like that. I know at least 3 adult adoptees who grew up with any of these issues. However, when there are troubles, usually I see it come from the fact that the parent/child can't believe that nature had any effect on the kid.

Indian-vision

All adoptee MUST feel the same way- Emtionally battered and the need to reconnect with their family and find their identity.

Randy listed everything else. So i won't have to repeat it. There are myths everywhere and whats worse is even this adoption section full of members of the triad believe some myth as to be true.

BLW_KAM

That infertile women are off-balanced and desperate to steal the children of others.
That infertile women will pay any amount or travel to any corner of the world to get what they want.
That infertile women should settle for a life without children.
That APs are grossly insensitive to the feelings of the birth family.
That adoption is a lose/lose proposition.

Lillie

That it's the Loving Choice.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

That is a "wonderful" institution. No one seems to understand that bad could possibly come from it.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: